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Virgin in my 30's: Am I a loser ?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by bra131217, Aug 27, 2017.

Do you think I am a loser for being a virgin at 31

This poll will close on Aug 27, 2027 at 3:26 AM.
  1. Yes

    48 vote(s)
    9.4%
  2. No

    463 vote(s)
    90.6%
  1. bra131217

    bra131217 Fapstronaut

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    OK so I mustered all the courage to confess on this forum that I am a 31 years old virgin. I am a teetotaler and non smoker and a vegetarian. I take pride in keeping myself fit and healthy.

    I am heterosexual and I have been masturbating a lot since I was 13.

    I have never kissed a girl . I tried to date a few woman but when they came to know I am a virgin, they started ignoring me and even laughed at my face before walking away. I was devastated and now have a perception that " caring women who love you for who you are " is an extinct species.

    I have seen the women who rejected me picked up by my colleagues who have no respect for women in general. They indulge in meaningless sex and then move on to another partner without hesitation. I imagine them humiliate me and laugh on my misery.

    I have visited a few Psychiatrists when I was 25 and they have all linked my behavior to Primal Scenes witnessed by me as a child for prolonged duration.

    I wish I had someone to share my dilemma without judging me for who I am.
    I look out for people who are victims like myself to share their grief.

    Please PM me if you can help me in anyway.

    Thanks
     
  2. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin in your 30's, don't listen to others who berate you for it. A lot of people IMO naively give in to societal pressures and meaninglessly lose their virginity for the sake of losing it as though it's a curse. It's not a curse, I actually think that virginity is a good thing. It shows that you're a committed guy who is waiting for the right woman to marry. Don't feel down about being a virgin, it's not a curse.
     
  3. bra131217

    bra131217 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply , I agree with you and that is why I have waited this long to meet a right woman however I have seen that in today's times , it is cooler to be a stud than a gentleman who respects a woman.

    Also most women dig for playboy personality as they are fun and adventurous.

    The teenagers have totally made it hip to have boyfriends and girlfriend and to be in a relationship without even understanding the meaning of true love. They seem to understand Sex is love.
     
  4. Don't worry man. There's a woman out there for you. Just be a little more patient and continue to work on your self improvement such as NoFap and you'll find the one.

    Yeah this is unfortunately true. I think a lot of this is because of the influence of the media. They don't realize that a relationship is so much more than sex.
     
  5. nofepper

    nofepper Fapstronaut

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    No, you are not loser mate, you just meet wrong persons in your life. They don't deserve you, if they act like assholes they are bad persons.

    I never said i am virgin to girl who took my virginity. Why u told it to girls or anyone? Don't do it and if you want it say it after sex. And sorry, but i need this to say, f.ck this BS called "respect women", respect people if they deserve it (no matter what gender they are), women are also assholes and some women don't deserve respect from anyone.

    One more thing to make clear, your colleagues pick up girls because they are "players", they don't give a single f.ck about "respect women" or something like it. They have high confidence and it's only reason why they have GF and why girls love these boys.

    And stop with PM, it's lie. It's cheating on your body. It's wrong.
     
  6. bra131217

    bra131217 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the encouragement.

    I agree with you but for some reason I tend to be honest with people and don't want to cheat them by hiding any fact. Anyway I guess women sense these things easily if they are the "experienced" ones, so there is no point hiding.

    And what you say is absolutely true I have come across some girls , those I thought "deserved respect" but they turned out to be sluts. Again I was devastated when I found out they were not who pretended to be.

    I am also very sorry to say that I have stopped respecting my mother for being very controlling and pain in the ass for judging me all my life. She never asked me what I liked or what I wanted and always imposed to do what she wanted by emotionally blackmailing.

    So you are right some people don't deserve respect at all.
     
  7. Arunaquest

    Arunaquest Fapstronaut

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    You're definitely not a looser. I was a virgin until 25 and I gave it up to the wrong person. Wish I could either be married to the right person or still a virgin.
     
  8. David stone

    David stone Fapstronaut

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    Listen Bra...my advice is a bit different and it s meant to give you more understanding about your situation. Its obvious from your comments you are a bit frustrated with women...dont call them sluts, everyone does what it want with their bodies and if someone mislead you or made a shit on your trust is their limited and ugly personality. It is not about you, try not to take it personally - meaning observe what nasty things they do but dont get upset...move on with your own life.

    Second... your mother has a big influence on you and you seem resentful towards her . She made possible your life on this earth, dont forget that. Having said that, be respectful, but your life now is your own -not hers to command. Do what you please but dont opose her opinions just for the sake of opposing. She wants your good belive me, but she needs to learn you make your own decisions and you are a grown man. Think of her as a teacher of power - she will try to throw you off - dont lose your ballance !

    And finally : the fact is you are a virgin. That must be stressing you dude, a lot i can imagine.
    Someone said : ''love without sex is as meaningless as sex without love'' ...good for him right? Well the thing is if you dont learn that on your skin you wont know the truth of it.
    Dont bullshit yourself with being a virgin is a virtue or the right person will appear. It is detrimental for your mind and body health to wait.
    Go to an escort and lose your virginity. You will have a shift in perception about life. It wont be not even 1/1000 big deal as you make it out to be.
    My advice is to tell her in advance, ask her on the phone if she accepts virgins. You wonnt be able to hide that out...you nervousness will betray you. Fell the rush in your chest when you make the call and go past it. Keep us posted !
     
  9. mcgrim

    mcgrim Fapstronaut

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    Don't worry about still being a virgin. I am 39 and a still virgin as well. I have experienced the same rejection as you and it can kill you inside. I have a beautiful woman in my life whom I Love and Cherish and I know she feels the same even though we haven't been together in that way. We are each others best friend which I have come to realize is so much more important than sex.

    This world and porn has poisoned our minds and distorted our views about sex. Keep your chin up and stop worrying about it because the more you fear something (like never being with a woman) the more likely you will make that fear come true. On the bright side when you do get to have that physical intimacy we all desire you will know that you are clean and the woman who accepts you for who you are will have nothing to worry about.
     
  10. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    a little advice i feel to tell you: don't judge the way that women have sex. If they want to have what you call "meaningless sex" and "move on to another partner without hesitation" it's cool, having sex is something beautiful and even meaningless sex is an act of love.
    Peace
     
    Gewinner98 and VitoMisto like this.
  11. Toomuchh

    Toomuchh Fapstronaut

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    Hey I don't think you are a loser but a normal person. Just an average human being who is having a tough time. But if you feel like a loser, that is your choice. If you want to play the victim , it's your choice. If you want to stop feeling like a loser it's your choice. But if you choose to stop being a loser you will have to work hard and fuck up. Work hard and fuck up and never stop trying. That's what it means to not be a loser. It's not about winning. It's about not losing and when you give up and stop trying, that is when you are a loser.

    Just remember you are no better or worse than everyone else, and everyone else is no better or worse than you. People are capable of both good and bad, that's what makes us human. So try not to judge yourself too harshly, and try not to judge other people too harshly. We are all people. You just need to respect everyone is diversely different. No individual will be identical to another. So don't judge other people for being different than you and don't judge yourself from being different to them. Just accept you are in control how you live your life and don't make excuses for not taking action. It will be hard and suck, you will fail and fall, but every time you will pick yourself up because that is what makes you great.

    I would wish you the best of luck, but you don't need it, I know you can do it. I think somewhere along the way you stopped believing in yourself. So if you cannot believe in yourself , please believe in me who believes in you. And one day you won't need my belief because you will be believing in yourself. It might not be today or tomorrow, or next month. But it will happen, believe me.
     
  12. sargam

    sargam Fapstronaut

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    I am 18 years old girl and have been having sex since past 3 years (without the knowledge of my parents). I think its important to have what you like. I would prefer sex with real person rather than masturbation and porn. I think you worry a lot and are afraid to meet a real woman since you are enjoying porn and masturbation which is just an arm's length away. I would say go out and meet people and you will definitely get laid, as some one suggested you can also hire a hooker to satisfy yourself and don't hesitate and have sex till your heart is content. And stop thinking about the past and present of the girl. A girl may look simple and innocent but once behind the doors she sheds all her inhibitions and shows her true colors.

    That's true you need meaningless sex ASAP to get it out of your system and be a man.Once you have real sex you will want to have more and this will help you motivate and meet real woman.
     
    FX-05, dugong89, Hermin and 1 other person like this.
  13. Pseudo-parthena

    Pseudo-parthena New Fapstronaut

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    No, you're not a loser. I'm actually in love with someone similar to you but unsure how to proceed. I'm a bit older. My situation is different. I was a virgin at 21. I am a beautiful woman but was sexually assaulted by my boss when I didn't watch my drink at a company party with karaoke. I have no real memories of that night but was taken to his house under false pretenses "waiting for coworkers to arrive" that never showed up. I've gone to counseling (4 different ones). All agreed it was rape, what little I remember. I've tried to date since but phychologically, I'm still a virgin (and as inept socially at times). I have kissed and engaged in foreplay with a man, but nothing more. I've been too afraid, and the only man whom I was able to be intimate with, was the man I knew before the assault. That relationship was weird. Because I was a virgin when we met, we agreed he had needs and could see other people. So, it never progressed the way normal relationships do. It was stagnate at the same level before the assult. So I'm mentally stuck at 21. To make matters more confusing, my hymen is still intact, according to a gynocologist who tried to perform a pap-smear, but even with a child speculum had trouble. (Did he actually penetrate... I don't know. Did I stretch... I don't know. I remember him mauling me nearly passed out and ignoring my repeated "no") With my hymen intact, she assumed my virginity, as said I didn't need pap smears. (Although I had one previously, and testing for STIs after the assult) So, I spoke with a priest who said God still would consider me a virgin. So, here I am much older than you, a pseudo-virgin. Virgin mentally. A virgin technically...due to a micropreforate hymen. But scared to death to flirt or be intimate with a man. This 31 year old virgin that I'm in love with, is the only man I have ever felt attraction towards in my life, and it's hecka confusing. And because I'm a beautiful woman, everyone assumes I'm experienced, and the thought of my first time terrifies me because I don't know what to expect and am unsure how to move forward inspite of counseling and having completely forgiven the man who assaulted me.
     
  14. Pseudo-parthena

    Pseudo-parthena New Fapstronaut

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    Any woman worth keeping would be lucky to have found you.
     
  15. bra131217

    bra131217 Fapstronaut

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    I wish that it happens soon or at least some one I can communicate once in a day would be fine for me as a starter. :)
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  16. mcgrim

    mcgrim Fapstronaut

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    You will find someone. Just keep you eyes open because it may be someone you don't expect that ends up being the person who is right for you. Until then enjoy life because it is far too short.
     
    Third_Eye and bra131217 like this.
  17. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

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    Have you been in professional therapy?
     
  18. I was 25 when I lost my virginity. Up until that point in time losing your virginity as a guy was priority number one by every male figure in my life where I grew up. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was fighting the idea at that time either but something unexpected happened when I did finally have it: I wished I waited to have it with a girl I wanted to be with rather than just having it because it was something I felt that I was supposed to do as a "man". The other sad part is the girl was really sweet and wanted something more so it totally crushed her when I didn't want to go forward.

    Fast forward years later and I met my now ex. Yes we had sex but you know what? The best part of that relationship wasn't that. It was the little things she would do that turned me on the most and vice versa.

    After all is said and done I've learned this: good or bad, sex is more complex and powerful than we realize. I think it is ideal if people can wait until they know they have something real/substantial. I dont think sleeping with different people consistently is going to be fulfilling in the long term because at the end of the day, male or female, we all want something more/deeper.
     
  19. I think a better question is do you think you're a loser? If so, why? What is it about being a virgin that you equate with being a loser? Everything in life comes with a both sacrifice and reward. You can either have the fast before the feast or the feast before the headache.

    Yes, you're a virgin which means you have chosen a life that requires the sacrifice before the reward; yet when that day comes you will be one of the few who will experience a reward many have sacrificed for a fleeting moment of pleasure and who now have a lasting memory of someone they never loved.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2017
  20. Aren't we supposed to be encouraging each other on this site and not insulting others because they're different than us?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2017

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