A change is required

Hi all,

I'm a 30 year old man who has finally come to terms with my PMO addiction and realise something needs to change. Growing up I was always pretty confident and loved socialising. As I hit my teens I began to watch porn on the net, spending more and more time searching the net. It became part of my daily routine and I thought nothing of it. As I got older I developed more and more unhealthy habits, like drinking too much and staying up late. As I got into my 20s I began to want to socialise less and found less pleasure in things and it is only now that I realise there could be a link. Now this has become social anxiety and I finally realise there could be a link. Now as an adult and thanks to the help of smartphones, I find the urge to wank so strong that I just lose it as its so accessible.

If I fap late at night (which is when I always do it) I am unable to sleep so then I spend the next day feeling like double shit, anxious and miserable.

The urge for sex has always been outweighed by the need to fap.

I stumbled on NoFap ages ago and looked into it a little but was sceptical about it. Now thanks to TedTalks and other sites and videos explaining the impact on the brain I know how dangerous PMO can be. I recently did a 15 day streak almost by accident, was decorating the house and kept myself busy until one day I was like wow...its been 15 days, I was so proud of myself. I thought this was it and I would be free, but of course I relapsed.

One thing that I experienced during this streak that made me realise maybe there is something to NoFap, was that I started to dream again. This may sound odd but hear me out. I've always been shit at sleeping and stopped dreaming years ago. But on the streak I had going I started getting deep restful sleep and have vivid amazing dreams. I'd wake up feeling so happy. I want that again. I want to know that I'm not fucking up my brain. I want the social confidence I used to have as a child. I want a better brain.

 

Thanks for the warm welcome.