Notes from: Men from mars and women from Venus (mens guide)

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I'm reading Men from mars and women from Venus to understand my girlfriend better This is more of a mens guide unfortunately. Enjoy it for what it is and hope this helps

Notes from the book:

+Women talk about problems to get close to a man.
+ a way to honor a women is to listen patiently with empathy, seeking to truly understand the women feelings. This will bring her relive and fulfillment. Do not offer solutions
+ women do appreciate Mr Fix-it at the right moment, NOT when they are upset or need to be heard.
+ when a girl is stressed, she likes to talk about her problems, while men like to be alone.
+ Girls sharing problems is a sign of love and trust
+ by focusing on a solutions to a problem, his mind is not fully present in the moment. He can not give give the attention she normally receives and deserves.
+ when girls say, you are not listening.................it means you not fully present in the moment. She needs you to be 100 percent present
+ "you don't care about me" means she wants your direct attention and care NOW.
+ when you starting ignoring her, she starts to takes it personally
+ she isn't looking for a solution..............she seeks relieve by expressing herself and being understood
+ by expressing her feelings................................she gains a greater awareness of whats really bothering her.


+ they talk about anything and everything to explore there feelings............................this is the ways girls operate. It's hardwired
+ when they feel heard..................there stress disappears
+ after talking about one topic.....................they will pause and move onto the next. These topic are not in order and seems to be unrelated.
+ the problem might not be related to her. The problem can be related to her friends but she need to talk about it.
+ Men think, when she is talking about all these problems, she is holding him responsible. She just wants you to listen and be in the present. Men then feel attacked and start defending themselves. He starts to explain himself because he thinks the girl will stop blaming him. The more he defends.............the more she gets upset.
+ men get upset when the women goes into greater detail. She want you to be present in the moment.
+ women like to be cherished and care for. She will be fulfilled and have more to give
+ Empathy, understanding, validation and compassion goes a long way


+ men's instinct is to leave women alone when they are upset. Because that is what men want.
+ when a women is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted or hopeless, simple she needs is simple compainiship. She need to feel she is not alone. She need to feel loved and cherished.
+ women are tired of always giving. The want to relax and be taken care of for a while. They want time to explore themselves, time to take care of themselves first. Men fit this bill.
+ women need to learn to receive and men need to learn to give
+ a man can be compassionate and offer her support even if she didn't ask for it.


Guys on dating
+ when girls so "no" or "I'm busy today". Don't take it personally. Go for a meet up some other time. Build more rapport or banter and try again next time. She's just tired of giving and she just want to look after herself for once. It's like a test to see if you would care and cherish her. When her needs are met, she be opened to being loving again. Women are like a volume nob and men are like a light switch. It's sort of like a test to see if you are the right man for her. She might value her freedom and doesn't want a controlling man.


+ "I don't feel heard" mean I don't feel you understand me or care about me.
+ when women complain it's alway about how she is feeling in the moment. "You don't love me" means......................I don't feel loved at this present moment. It doesn't mean..........................you don't love her.
+ we never go out means...........................I feel like going out tonight and doing something together. I love being with you.


+ when you are silent..............................depending how she is feeling that day............................she might imagine the worst................he hates me or he is leaving me forever.
+ when a woman is silent.................................it means she has something hurtful to say .........................or..........................she doesn't want anything to do with him any more. That is why women are insecure when the man is silent.
+ when the man say whats the matter honey with a concerned face.......................she feels comforted by his caring
+ when a women is hurt....................she loves to hear him say..........................."I'm sorry I hurt you" she then feels he really cares
+ instead of saying "no problem" say "I'll be happy to do that


+ women are like waves.....................................when she has abundance of love......................she has a lot to give..........................when she crashes...................she needs to be filled up with love.
+ when she crashes..................just realise it's not your fault.......................do not take it personally....................it happens and it is natural.
+ do not try and fix her......................just support her with love..........................it's make things much worst when you try to fix her
+ Do not stop the wave..................let her hit rock bottom...........................it's nature taking it's course
+ Listen with caring, warmth and empathy..................she might drop down even more and more and more but it's okay, just listen. It might last a while but be there for her and she will come back up again naturally.
+ She is trying to feel her feelings and she what the issue is. It could be very, very deep.
+ It might to the same issue over and over again. Do not try and fix her.
+ women's primary love needs:
need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance


+ When a man shows interests in a womens feelings and well being, she feels loved and cared for.
NOTE: This is important in the cave man days. It's important for her survival because if the man doesn't love her, She WOULDN'T be able to survive, which means she has to move on and find someone who loves her.
+ She begins to trust him more. When she trusts him more, she is able to become more open and receptive.
+ never argue. Sometimes a man might raise his voice. After the arguement, she will shut down and will not open herself up to you. She will no longer trust you. Always remember men and women are from different planets. Also she might take revenge on you which doesn't deepen the relationship.


+ men and women argue when they don't feel loved
+ "I'm sorry, you feel upset" is a way of saying, I care about your feelings. It's good after an argument. Obviously it's best not to have it in the first place.
+ you have to validate the woman's feelings. She has every right to express them and it's important she expresses them. She doesn't want a solutions. She wants to feel validated. She wants you to support her feelings, whatever she is feeling. She is allow to be angry, sad, upset. Just support her and allow her to express all her feelings. let all her feelings come out.
+ She might say the same thing over and over again. Even for the next 4 days. Allow her to express all her feeling and let it all come out.



+ When women keep score of the things you do. The size doesn't matter. It cost one point. Doing lots of small things equal lots of points. You buy the girl dinner, you get one point.
You buy coffee, give her a fun time, crack silly jokes, take her to the park: lots of points
+ 101 to score points, is to do stuff in this book
+ The love letter examples is on page 127, 128, 129 of PDF. It's good if you are upset with parner. It can turn your feelings around and you feel much different about her once you get those negative feeling of your chest.

 

I'm not really sure, maybe I made an error on my notes. It could be, if she feels unhappy, she needs to talk about it to figure why she is unhappy.

My GF is stressed about a certain experience and when she talked about it, she did feel a lot better because I was 100 percent present. Not thinking about other stuff but just a hundred percent focused on her and one hundred percent listening. She began to cry and one story came after an other. I wait and listened until all the stories came out. It was like a storm of emotions. She did feel better afterwards and became really happy. She started kissing me and we made love shortly afterwards.