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Thoughts on dating multiple people at the same time?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Lazarus Shuttlesworth, Nov 4, 2017.

  1. What are your thoughts on people who date multiple people at the same time to figure out who you really want to be with?
     
  2. Sense

    Sense Fapstronaut

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    In some ways it makes sense, but we're talking about people here and not just a pair of shoes you can try on.

    I wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't want to date a woman who was doing it - it'd dilute any potential chemistry we had going on and make it too easy to hedge our bets.
     
  3. Karimtolstoi

    Karimtolstoi Fapstronaut

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    It is a matter of choice. People want to have choice. Personally, I see no problem in that because anyway this happens everywhere including social media. Marriage is the only relationship which is supposed to be serious, otherwise you should expect everything.
     
    Gotham Outlaw likes this.
  4. Sense

    Sense Fapstronaut

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    Says who? :/
     
  5. Theguywiththething

    Theguywiththething Fapstronaut

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    I've found it that it's better to date multiple people, just because you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. That being said, when you find someone you really like, don't be afraid to commit.
     
  6. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    I think that can be a good thing so long as you're honest with everyone that you're not looking to get into a seriously exclusive relationship at the moment.
     
  7. Rikardo

    Rikardo Fapstronaut

    I guess it depends on what you look to get from your dates. Or whether you define 'dating someone' as a form of relationship in itself. If you hide the face you are dating multiple people I think being open is important otherwise you may find that the start of your relationship is very much build on a lie.

    Maybe last century yes. I'd like to think that any loving relationship is serious.
     
  8. Karimtolstoi

    Karimtolstoi Fapstronaut

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    Maybe last century yes. I'd like to think that any loving relationship is serious.[/QUOTE]
    I think there is no love before marriage. All there is desire
     
  9. Rikardo

    Rikardo Fapstronaut

    Well, respectfully, you are wrong.

    Getting married is just another day, signing some paper, saying some words. It changes nothing about how you feel for the person you are getting married to.
     
  10. I’ve personally seen some friends do it and for some it works while for others it blows up in their face. If you do it then be honest about doing it, because if you’re not honest then you’re starting off on a lie and that’s never healthy. My friend who did this with success ended the multiple thing once they decided to be in a serious relationship with one of the other people. That’s a key thing, imo, since dates do not necessarily constitute a relationship.

    I think the best way to decide on this is to use the golden rule; if you were looking for a serious relationship and you met a girl who said she was dating multiple guys, would you continue dating her?
     
    WreckTangle and JesperMcnei like this.
  11. Also it can get expensive $ so I hope you have deep pockets. :D
     
    pranav02 likes this.
  12. LetsGetEm

    LetsGetEm Fapstronaut

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    Ya, cause dates are just getting to know other people to figure out if u want them to be your gf. I could be interested in three girls who I don't really know, and that's where I'd go on a date with all of them to figure out which I like, if any. But then when comes time for the relationship, only one.
     
    Gotham Outlaw and BeautyForAshes like this.
  13. Honestly I don't know
     
  14. lamstronger

    lamstronger Fapstronaut

    As long as you haven't made comitments to any of those people, it's fine, not cheating.
     
    Hitto likes this.
  15. MerseyPhoenix

    MerseyPhoenix Fapstronaut

    It's expensive and exhausting.
     
    Saskia Simone likes this.
  16. Isn't that called being single?
     
  17. Superadders

    Superadders Fapstronaut

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    Nothing wrong with going on dates with multiple women and 'playing the field' so to speak until it starts getting serious with one of them and you are considering progressing onto a committed relationship.

    I think honesty and integrity is key here. Right now Im not looking for a serious relationship but I still go on dates with multiple women. I make it clear to them that Im just keeping it casual.

    If you are just 'reliant' on one woman and she ends up not responding, what then? Always good to keep your options open. Its called Abundance Mentality ;)
     
    Hitto and Deleted Account like this.
  18. yep keeping you options is so important instead putting all your eggs in one basket.
     
  19. I think a big struggle for our younger generation is that we CANT MAKE UP OUR MINDS. We have so many options these days we can't just pick something for fear of missing out on something better. We can't make clear cut decisions. Not that I even have a dating life or have ever had much of one, but I couldn't see myself dating more than one person and I'd definitely be hurt if someone was seeing someone else other than me.
     
  20. PapaTango

    PapaTango Fapstronaut

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    Having read most the responses here, I've decided that there really is no clear and cut answer. As always, it's about your attitude.

    Why would you want to date multiple people at once? You really have to dig deep.

    There are a couple of answers that I feel come from a higher perspective. These attitudes, I argue, are rare:
    • "I am still trying to figure out what I want."
    • "I am not sure where this is going, but I am curious and open."

    Usually I see answers like:
    • "I am afraid of getting rejected, so I want a fallback option."
    • "I am indecisive. I am afraid of making the wrong decision."
    • "I like the attention."
    • "I just want to mess around while I can, before I get tied down."
    • "The last time I put all my eggs in one basket, it did not go well for me. I am never making that mistake again."
    • "Everyone else is doing it. It's part of the game. I don't like it, but it should be expected."

    I believe that the second batch of answers is a result of fear. Notice that you could embody all of them, while still retaining your honesty and integrity. However, these answers do shed light on an existing problem. Your entire modus operandi revolves around fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of criticism. Fear of loss of freedom. Fear of failure. Fear of loss of love. I know these intimately. I had said every single one of them repeatedly for the last five years.

    Does that necessarily mean these are bad attitudes? There is no emotion that is necessarily good or bad. Fear is natural, and if we had absolutely no fear, I'd wager the majority of us would be dead right now. However, you also need to understand the implications of that. This means that whoever you chose to date, you do not do out of love, but out of fear. You may find the love of your life out there. Do you really want to find her using a strategy revolving around fear? I will leave that up to you to decide. Many people decide that it is a price worth paying. Perhaps it would be fine if you have already resolved never to marry, and that all you want are casual relationships. I was like that too. Perhaps I still am. However, I have now taken the time to reflect, and heal the wounds that caused the fear. This is the reason I have added "no dating" to my 90 day challenge.

    Your decision is your own. Everyone makes choices based on their own perspectives. But if you want to live your life fully, it is important to recognize your own attitudes, and what is at stake.
     

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