Thoughts on dating multiple people at the same time?

In my church, we teach teens to intentionally date lots of people until they're ready to get married, but also of course to keep to standards of morality. Which means no sex, but also no intense touching and other things which are supposed to be saved for marriage. Just thought you might like another perspective.

I think it depends on how "serious" things are. There's heartache either way. You definitely want to find the right one!

 

Exactly I went on a date Friday and the girl asked if I was dating other people at the time and I said this wasn't the first date I have been on from this app but she already assumed I was dating other women the date went pretty good so I will contact her probably the Middle of this week if she doesn't till then

 

Had to say that made me laugh when reviewing this thread \__/

@Hitto - Good luck!

@Lazarus Shuttlesworth - How are things?

 

Female perspective here I think it’s fine and normal to do so long as you are honest with the people you are seeing. The problem is again from a female perspective the majority of men are not and lie even when asked specifically. If you are not intimate then I don’t think you have to disclose early on but once intimate you do. You could say something like you are not looking to commit right now and are seeing others. Problem being that a large majority of women won’t sleep with men without an exclusivity agreement so the men lie. There’s nothing wrong with dating around to see what you like but you do need to be honest and upfront with that intention. It’s about respecting the others you are seeing.

 

Hey I realize that I'm late to the convo but as someone who has been around friends who live this lifestyle, I can honestly tell you that they never figure out who the really want to be with until they are in to deep.

You either end up liking bits and pieces of the people you are dating hoping that you make your perfect match or you end up just loving the game so much why bother stop?

To say the least, I'm a little old school so I dated one at a time until I found enough red flags and then I moved onto the next... in a respectful way. With that being said I am engaged to a person who has multiple red flags but relationship doesn't need work?

Let me know if this helps or not. Don't worry I can handle the truth.

-Jr.

 

It can get expensive. And logistically unenviable.

 

Just popping in to congratulate you on a marvellous choice of words

 

Im old school too. I’m 40 so I remember a time when there was no online dating and the people you dated were close to your home, in school or at work. You did not have access to 1000s of potential partners at a swipe of your finger. So you focused on getting to know that one person. That’s not to say there were not still players juggling multiple people but nowadays everyone does! I struggle with that. I did not want to date 5 guys at once I can’t keep up with that but since all the men I dated were I had to in order to not get pushed out of the game. It was so rare to find a man that wanted to just focus on you. And who can blame people? There is always someone better looking smarter you name it and so you go off and chase them. Sure you liked the guy you went on a first date with last night but the one tonight is hotter and so you never get to know the first guy. And the second guy moves on to someone else the next night. Studies show the more choices you have the less likely you are to make a choice. It’s sad and it’s why so many young people are single. I highly recommend the book modern romance by Aziz Ansari. It’s backed by real research but also very funny. What I see happening is people that date in their 20s and 30s always looking for you the next best thing saying they won’t settle this is both women and men. Then they get to be 40 and 50 where the dating pool is not as plentiful and it’s kids chrunch time. Compatibly is the number one sustaining factor in a relationship and if it’s there at 30 it’s usually there at 80 when the sexy bodies and looks are all gone. But you never get to compatibility today you are onto the next. I’ve heard men say I don’t like her eyebrows or women he has a crooked tooth and more Dumb petty things!

 

I don't see any problems going on two different coffee dates in one day, but going on a series of dates with 2 or more people is where I think it's setting up for failure.

Then some of my friends have been on 5-10 dates with someone, and then asked "so are we exclusive now?" And I'm like wtf? how many random people got dragged along while they were umming and ahhing about a relationship!

 

The whole exclusive thing is a slippery slope. Years ago if you slept with someone it was presumed exclusive. Nowadays you have to ask and be very clear about what that means to you. Does it mean they are not sleeping with anyone else, not dating anyone else, that you are a couple? It’s sad. They tell women oh don’t ask too early or you will scare him away but don’t have sex without committment. I think setting up multiple dates in one day is cheesy and rude, unless the others know about it. I had a good friend that used to do this and when the girls found out they did not want anything to do with him. The person wants to feel like you are focusing on them at least for that day!

 

Oh gosh GG2002, you make so many good points. You've made me realize that I may also be falling into the "candy shop" mentality and wanting to say goodbye to great women for reasons that are not major.

 

Yeh that makes sense about one date a day I guess haha. And I agree about how the modern dating situation is a bit sad, but I'm really a bit of a noob in this department.

I have this 'rule'. If I don't feel a connection with someone then I won't waste their time on a second date. If I find a connection, I won't date others from then on. That's like my moral compass in this area.

So if people are getting a real connection and dating more than 1 person during that? I think those people are getting their own 'high' off the expense of others. That is, unless they're all doing it? Surely it's not that bad lol?

 

I think it's good like speed dating why waste a lot of time on one person if the not the one on to the next one it helps so you can quickly find what you are looking for

 

If I can get a date I blew my first date two years ago never got another after being on plenty of fish was a shitty experience I had no luck may be it takes more time and tinder bullshited me

 

Speed dating. Like fast food. Everybody wants it fast and quick. But when it gives you the shits...

 

So speed dating is not the answer

 

One date at a time just like one meal at a time you never want to overeating

 

We seem to want everything. Now now now. Amazon Prime, streaming movies, 10 minute oil change. Dating is about being personal, non verbal communication, WTFs and WOW!

Part of the fun of dating is the bad dates. I learned more from those than the good ones. Good ones are easy.

I mean we can’t even give someone our focus for more than five minutes?? The fuck else we got to do? Check FB? Look at Pinterest for a quinoa recipe? Jerk off to porn?

 

Really depends on your definition of "dating".

The act of dating, in and of itself, shouldn't necessarily be to find a marriage partner, but rather to allow you to meet a lot of people, have fun, and figure out what types of attributes you want in a partner or what your "dealbreakers" are. If you approach it this way, which a lot of people do, it is completely acceptable to date multiple people. Besides, the first few dates are really interviews anyway. If you end of finding a marriage partner, great! If not, then you've had an enjoyable time and experienced a lot of growth. You win either way.

Now, when you throw sex and "love" into the mix, that complicates things. Although I certainly can't tell you what to do or not do, for me, having sex or telling multiple women that I "love" them concurrently would be problematic from both an emotional and health perspective.

I just read "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" by Henry Cloud. Although it is written from a "Christian" perspective, and I'm an atheist, I found that he had some solid advice on how to approach dating while not beating you over the head with religious themes. Highly recommended