The GREATEST lesson I learned. Ever.

Ok. I am just going to go ahead and say it: Today I relapsed after 88 days.

To tell the truth, I am not devastated, nor am I losing hope, nor do I have the slightest trace of frustration. Why? Because I realized that this moment, today, HAD TO HAPPEN.

Here's why: It had to happen because it revealed the true mindset I had during those 88 days. I was completely focused on counting my days and patiently waiting for my great life to happen. Like someone or something was going to just hand it over to me.
Here's the thing: The world owes me nothing. My big mistake was that I did not re-organize my life. No weekly schedule, no fitness plans, no daily routine where I jump from working on one goal to the next. Only idleness, false hope, and procrastination. The magic word that kept flying around in my head was "someday". Someday, because then I will be ready. I will never be ready. NO ONE IS EVER READY FOR ANYTHING. That is why we all must fail to get better.

I am not worried at all about my day counter. Many people believe that a relapse destroys all their progress because they have to reset their day counter to zero. This is not true. All the days in-between made a difference. They really did. I know this because this relapse was different from the earlier ones: the fight to resist the urges lasted much much longer and there were moments where I closed and reopened private windows all the time. Inside me, two armies were fighting each other. But this time, it felt as if the "good" side was prepared and equipped like never before. This experience has strengthened my resolve and determination. Now I know that I can equip myself better as well. IT IS POSSIBLE.

Later, as I was showering, I had a defining moment like never before, a moment that made me realize that my porn-addiction was not my real problem. The true problem, the one that I used PMO to avoid, suddenly revealed itself. And with it, the entire plan that is the obvious and only way to deal with it:

So this is it: I must stop being afraid of failure, of success and of how the world will see me if I try for things. I need to stop caring because I am more important than what they think.
What this really means is this: I must try to improve and grow in as many areas of my life as possible. Without fear. I must wake up at 5 am and be busy all day long and go to bed early. From now on, everything I do during the day, everything, must serve a purpose. No more mindless activities, no more lost time doing bullshit. I must check my progress at the end of the day: "What did you do today to work on your goals in each area of your life? Did you fail in one area? Why? Did you succeed? Why? What did you do differently? Why did you not try this today? What did you have to lose?

With NoFap, I thought I did great. I began to feel the progress. All the positive effects people talk about. I was proud of myself. But at some point during my NoFap journey, things began to feel easy. Almost too easy. What had happened? I stopped porn and masturbation, but I never changed my lifestyle, that's what happened. After about four weeks of no PMO, there were no difficulties, nothing I had to constantly work against, no fight to put up. Except for the abstinence and rewiring part, it didn't really change me. Until today. Today marked the beginning of a different NoFap-life.

So in case you beat yourself up because of a relapse, it is actually a step forward: it shows that something is missing in your NoFap journey. It tells you how much you really care about your life and how serious when it comes to changing it.

TODAY'S CONCLUSION:
If something doesn't fundamentally affect you in a way that you feel it in every part of yourself, it doesn't change you.

IT'S THAT SIMPLE.

I hope this will help you avoid the mistakes I did and prevent losing precious time. Thank you very much for reading my post, and good luck on your path.

 

Thanks very much! When I started here, many Fapstronauts helped me by telling about things they learned during the process. I am glad I can do the same now and help others. Good luck to you.

 

I posted a thread on what happened the day after my relapse. You can read it here:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/relapsed-after-88-days-the-day-after.145907/