Women Supporting Women, why can’t we?

I was on another forum on NoFap and a fellow SO (female) started a “discussion” with me about how horrible it was to leave a husband that was trying to stop PMO if he had ED. That it’s wrong to leave due to PIED, and then comparisons to a man that had surgery and then had ED (which is in my mind totally different). I respect all opinions, in fact I thrive on hearing different opinions because I feel like I can learn from them. And while I don’t agree with an opinion, I still respect it. By respecting it that to me means you just say okay, I know you feel that way and I am okay with it, I don’t, but you certainly have a right to and I am not going to pass judgment on you for doing that. And then often saying tell me why you think or feel that way. I want to understand.

I am not going to say to an SO “you are wrong for leaving” or “you are wrong for staying.” It is not my place to tell anyone that something they did is wrong, short of a crime. But relationships, beliefs, religion, addictions all of those things are open to many different moral interpretations. You can both have an opinion and neither of you be wrong. Some people think marriage is for life, no matter what and they are willing to cope and be unhappy because that is their belief, or for their kids, or for whatever reason, that’s okay. But a woman who chooses to leave should not be told she is wrong or made to feel guilty. Its just like being married to any addict. At some point you gotta protect yourself, and that’s okay. Can some people really not recognize that others have validly different opinions on a subject and they are not bad people for holding that opinion? And what does passing judgment someone’s choices saying “you are wrong” do for people? Does it make them feel like they are a morally better person? I am not being facetious here I really don’t understand this concept.

But it got me thinking about women, and feminism and how women are constantly tearing each other down, rather than learning from each other and building each other up. You have the hard core feminists who look down on any woman who does not go to college or work outside the home. Then the stay at home Mom’s who look down on women who work, as they are not “good moms.” What the heck? And men do not do this. So what is it? Is it competition? Is it insecurity?

In the workplace too, when a woman gets ahead she does not pull other women up with her. She competes. The man who gets ahead, pulls other men up with him, but the women are still too busy fighting each other to unite. If women united we most certainly could rule the world. And I think part of our struggle for equality in the workplace etc is that we don’t unite, we oppose each. We may not all agree on everything, but we certainly agree on some things? Your thoughts are appreciated, men and women.

 

I am going to check it out. Thank you.

 

Yes totally.

 

I am sorry that happened. The only thing I can say is that when someone passes judgment on you it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own underlying insecurities.

 

I think that is so awesome that your husband was able to gain and maintain sobriety for so long. I agree that only we as women can change this. But I guess what I am trying to figure out is why women do this? One of the conclusions I have come to is that they are not as sure about their own decision as they portray. So when they see someone else making a different choice, it irks them because it reinforces their own insecurities. To me a good example of taking out personal insecurities on another person, is how women immediately attack another woman’s looks on social media when she is overweight. Usually those women have weight gain of their own or are worried they will gain weight and so they attack the overweight woman. It has nothing to do with her. Her weight gain in no way effects you, if you don’t want to look turn the channel or close the page.

So in this sense I see that many women are not sure if they should stay with their husbands or if they should leave. So when faced with another woman that made a different choice, they act out and criticize. If they can make that woman be wrong, then they can push away their own demons. They really are being hypercritical with themselves.

I think deep down people that are judgmental or claim moral superiority are afraid and the different opinions make them insecure. This reminds me of the saying thou protest too much. If you are so convinced that your opinion is the only opinion why do you feel the need to attack someone else’s opinion so much?

 

You have some very serious anger issues. I never personally attacked you and your tone and words are negative and not what NoFap is about. You can express an opinion without name calling. You can have a disagreement without being rude. I know how to use the @ sign but I did not make this post about you because it’s not about you. Did you not notice that all I said was that the conversation got me thinking about something else that has nothing to do with you? I am not asking about you personally. If I wanted to talk about you behind your back why would I do it on a forum you have access to? That makes zero sense. There is a way you can disagree with someone and not lash out. You need to tone the anger down.

 

I respect your opinion I have said that repeatedly. I respect women who believe it’s wrong to leave and believe it’s wrong to stay, do you not see that? I respect your opinion I just don’t agree with it. That’s okay.

 

I agree and I suppose I am more getting at situations we don’t have control over. Like in business or your co workers. We are certainly not all the same but we usually can find some similarities. It’s certainly a problem many authors have tried to address. Although not very successively.