Did you find your partner less attractive while viewing porn?

My husband did this too. I used to model as well and he didn't have sex with me for 2 years but would masturbate to my photos including current ones. Can you help me make sense of this?

 

@Sadgirl - I can try .... The best I can come up with is ... The living breathing female is completely different than the non-animate photograph.
Its possible, two separate parts of the brain are stimulated. It's not you. Let me repeat .. the problem is NOT you or your worth.

It is possible that the old brain pathways we develop as a teen ( pre-internet ) are being used by looking at photographs.
It re-ignites an old fire that has lots and lots of good memories attached to it. The thrill of the hunt, the rapid heart rate when your finally alone with the photo... all of it still has connectors to the pleasure center of the brain ... I am guessing.

You and your photos are two COMPLETELY different sets of brain excitement.

Its hard to grasp ... but photos and the real thing are not the same. Theres all kinds of crazy brain firing going on from a looooong time ago with the photographs.

Thats my take on it.

 

I'm throwing the bullshit flag. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I don't accept this.

 

@EyesWideOpen - Thats fine. It was just a guess. I dont know the brain.

 

I hesitate to say anything, lest I get the BS flag thrown at me, too, but:

• Maybe he had some inadequacy / inferiority issues, like he found you sexy and wanted to be with you (hence, your pictures) but didn't somehow feel good enough to actually be with you (hence, only pictures rather than the real thing).
• Maybe he had performance problems, possibly PIED, possibly something else, or at least performance anxiety, and he was worried he wasn't capable of satisfying you.
• Maybe something along the lines of the whole whore/madonna complex (controversial as it may be)?
• Maybe he was punishing you for something, and didn't want you to have the pleasure of sex, yet wanted to get his own rocks off. (Mind you, two years - that's some deep-seated resentment!)
• Maybe he was just an arsehole who liked objectifying women, and preferred to wank to the pictures of you rather than get intimate with the real you.
• Maybe for him it was all about 'me me me', and sod your needs and wants!
• Maybe he had some peculiar fantasies/fetishes/scenarios/whatever running in his head, where the pictures provided a useful prop, whereas actual sex with a real live person would have shattered the illusion.
• Maybe he was carrying some baggage from his earlier experiences, maybe even going back to some childhood trauma that he himself wasn't aware of, which made sex very difficult and/or complex for him.

(All pure conjecture, of course, since I don't know him or you.)

PS: Did you ask him about it?

 

I have such a difficult time believing this even a tiny bit. Thank you for saying it, because I need to hear it.

 

This is all really interesting-thank you very much for typing this out. I know tgat my husband has inadequacy issues; he would always say that he was a 2 and I was a 10. How that translates into him looking for other women is really confusing to me though
I am going to read him your reply and see if I can get some honesty from him.

(Yes I did ask him about when he disclosed it but he had no clue why he did it- actually he probably just didn't want to admit it ecause he is knee deep in shame.)

 

@Sadgirl - I wish I could explain it better ... ( and I dont care about flags, we are all different )
For me, my flesh and blood wife is completely separate from photographs of her, in my brain.
I dont know how. I dont know why. Its just separate. I cant explain it.

I love my wife with everything. My soul aches when Im not with her. I cant imagine life without her. I value her more than anything.
At the same time, the brain pathways linked to the experiences of my youth with nudie mags, lingerie catalogs and porn are very very old and very very strong. They are powerful.

I can love my wife with everything I have ... and still be completely helpless to a simple sexy photograph.

It's not you. Its not my wifes problem. It's two competing sides and one is crippling strong and very old.

Does that help at all ?
If not ... forget it all.... Ill shut up. LOL

 

Best not to ask... my husband said he felt that I put on weight ( even tho porn in his life fame before me) so if he thought a size 8 was fat then I dnt realy no how to help
Him... best part is the girls he vies are all bigger bustier girls

Bed

 

It does! Thank you so much for sharing. I am really grateful for your reply