Avoiding Day dreaming

There's a method used by people with anxiety called "grounding" that helps pull them from spiralling thoughts back into the moment.
Name:
Three things you see.
Three things you feel (touch).
Three things you hear.
Three things you smell.

 

Most recurring fantasies we have about ourselves are reactions to our insecurities. It can be a way of avoiding what is real and true for us in the moment, a way to live vicariously through the imagination. It's a way to feel a sense of accomplishment while avoiding the possible negative experiences of actually trying to achieve it in reality.

Similar to getting dopamine hits from watching porn.

 

You prefer the pain of not having a better reality while numbing it with daydreams over the pain of the possible pain / rejection / failure of living in reality. You fear that you won't be able to achieve your desires so you procrastinate. You're comparing how it's supposed to be (your daydreams) with how it really is (reality) and that paralyzes you. It leads you to be dissatisfied with the past and pessimistic about the future. You don't feel like taking action unless you can be certain that it leads to the ideal result. So you do the easy thing that you're certain will lead to you feeling good (daydreaming).

There's no technique or special motivation. It's up to you if you want to get out of this habit. Up to you if you want to do the difficult task of actually living your life. If not, there's thousands of daydreams / tv / film / games / books / porn that's waiting for you. It's a matter of what you want and what you're willing to sacrifice for it.

 

@ASD_OZ I identified with your post so much. I also go through the same day dreaming problems. I fantasise about girls to fap. Whole day I spend dreaming about my job, girls etc.
It has become a time sucking habit to an extent that I can spend whole day daydreaming. I also keep regretting about my past mistakes and keep thinking about what could have been.

 

If you really believed that you could have all your desires in life, then you wouldn't choose to escape reality. You either don't believe or you aren't willing to work for it.

 

But can you really diagnose yourself to have maladaptive daydreaming or is it just something you can say that you have so that you can tell yourself that it's not your fault for daydreaming so much? I excessively daydreamed in the past. So I'm not trying to be an ass here.

 

By reading the subject line, I was thinking about other day dreaming which I do and hate it the most., Some times, often times, I just lie in bed and day dream about having a wife or GF and the cute stuff that I'd be doing. But in the end I realise its just a wishful thinking and feel equally disappointing at the end. F that shit. Instead what I should be doing is motivating myself to do better and form better habits and stick to them.

 

I also felt reading about maladaptive daydreaming. Also, I feel it's more my fault that I go into a abyss of daydreaming about girls, my future and other stuff. I think I need to work internally on myself. I feel keeping yourself busy is the only solution but I stay at home as I am studying so I face the problem more.

 

@Chappo030891 couldnt agree with you more. I keep finding an escape by this wishful daydreaming only to be dissappointed in the end with my present situation. I am also now concentrating on improving myself rather than just wasting my time

 

I have this problem since 2013, 20 minutes ago I did not know it was a problem. Many times I hate myself for imagining perfect things, especially with girls (which obviously ended in sex) but also in "special" relationships, many times I got very sentimental, because it is very immersive, but the worst is when you "wake up" and you realize that all that will never happen, and you sink into depression, anyway, please I need help with this, because the daydreaming occasionally attacks me.

 

This "daydream" along with the pmo, ruined my life. Now literally, I can not even get on a bus because I always thought that everyone would judge me by my weight or my height, or look a girl in the eye, or go to school, or walk down the street, or go out to the sidewalk from my house. All this because I got into a perfect world within me, only with daydreaming and the pmo and social pressure to have sex, go to parties, have a girlfriend, be very sociable. I hate all this, and at this moment I feel terrible anguish, I need help. I do not go to school thanks to the little desire to study, bullyng, social pressure, pmo, and daydreaming. I need a lot of help apparently.

 

Please don't ruin your life. You are in the same dark place where I have been. I didn't go to college for one year after completing school due to fear of bullying, inferiority complex of height and weight etc.

Just get this from my experience. They are only few people in the world who can channelise this negativity into positive outcome. Just remember, more the circumstances keep you down the greater is the urge to fight back.

World is full of opportunities to go and achieve your full potential. Just identify your goals that make you improve yourself and keep working on them with dedication and perseverance.

Hope you would learn from these testing times and come back stronger.

Cheers!

 

Thank you very much for your advice friend, the truth that helped me. Well I will continue to live well. Thank you very much

 

Hey guys,why you re not write your fantasy??? Maybe you can make interesting story or somedays you can sell your fantasy stories?when i was in high school,just like you,i day dreaming to every times(that make me have bad score in my report card beause i can't fokus on study).I realy enjoying it,i create my own world and i can be anything that i want.so i start to writing all of my fantasy.sometimes i give it to my friend(she in journalist club)to read it.now i'm a 25,and if i have a time alone i'll write and living in my fantasy world.i realy happy for who i am and i proud of it.day dreaming help me out from stress and i have power to move foward again.just see every thing in positive ways.don't compare your self to others and i hope we can have a good life.lets fight for it

 

Hello, thank you very much for answering. In part, it was a good thing to daydream but then it was horrible, because fantasies were good and all that, and then I sank into depression and unsociability by "waking up." I would like to moderate the daydreaming, but it is difficult for me. Thank you very much, I appreciate your help

 

Lets start with the small things that can make us happy and fell better.do you have some hoby?

 

That I try to do, start with small and easy things, for me it is a bit difficult but thank God I do it. My hobby is music, I play guitar, bass guitar and piano, but what I play the most is guitar. Some day I want to dedicate myself professionally to music but there are times like now that I feel bad and do not want to do anything. I feel bad physically and a little psychologically, I was sleeping about 20 minutes ago and they woke me up so I'm a little bit in a bad mood.