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Advice needed: when to resume sex with my spouse?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by mixedgreens, Mar 14, 2018.

  1. Mar 14, 2018 #1
    mixedgreens

    mixedgreens Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been P free for 70 days, and MO free for 40. So I’m feeling great about that! I want to know, when can I start being sexual again with my husband? I’ve used my porn addiction as a way to avoid my anxieties around sex, and it’s caused me to not desire my partner. In the last couple weeks I’ve felt my desire for him grow, and I’ve been wanting to be sexual with him again. But should I finish the full 90 day hard mode reboot? Or can I start introducing sex and possibly O with him (without PM of course)? Thanks!
     
    mixedgreens, Mar 14, 2018
    mixedgreens, Mar 14, 2018
    #1
  2. Mar 14, 2018 #2
    NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

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    It’s your journey and your rules. You also have to take into account the needs and support of your partner. If you have set your husbands expectations you want to do hard mode for ninety days, then it might be best to stick to your goal. I would discuss it with him if he knows, if he doesn’t now might be the time to disclose. Try to have good honest conversation with them about your PA and your recovery. I think true intimacy is achieved by being in the moment, not forcing a preconceived scenario. Always be mindful of the trap of the chaser effect where a taste of O results in a relapse shortly after. Ensure that if it does happen you are ready that you concentrate on connected sex, this means no fantasy or P images during it, focus on your partner and maintain eye contact, enjoy them explore them and share the moment with only them and let the rest of the world melt away. Best of luck to you and your hubby.
     
    NF4L, Mar 14, 2018
    NF4L, Mar 14, 2018
    #2
    Trappist and mixedgreens like this.
  3. Mar 14, 2018 #3
    21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    I would finish the reboot personally we were 3 weeks into a 30 day and the results were disasterous. we're both sorry we didn't wait. He didn't relapse it just didn't work out the way we wanted it to. Good luck!!
     
    21yearsin, Mar 14, 2018
    21yearsin, Mar 14, 2018
    #3
    Gooding and mixedgreens like this.
  4. Mar 14, 2018 #4
    ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    I think when the desire is coming back you should be rewiring, but that waiting a bit longer isn't a problem either. Why not try fooling around like teenagers for a couple of weeks rather than having actual sex. You might be surprised how much fun that is.
     
    ukbritishbloke, Mar 14, 2018
    ukbritishbloke, Mar 14, 2018
    #4
    Gooding, mixedgreens and 21yearsin like this.
  5. Mar 15, 2018 #5
    mixedgreens

    mixedgreens Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all this good advice, everyone! I like the idea of sticking to the 90 day plan, but fooling around more. The only thing I'm worried about is that we might not be able to stop ourselves from going all the way. I do think this is something we need to work on, though: having fun sexually without having O as the be-all-end-all goal every time. So maybe it's something to try!
     
    mixedgreens, Mar 15, 2018
    mixedgreens, Mar 15, 2018
    #5
  6. Mar 17, 2018 #6
    Gooding

    Gooding Fapstronaut

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    I would caution against the fooling around. Unless you meant dancing together in public, sort of. Where the fooling around doesn't escalate.

    Wish you all the very best.
     
    Gooding, Mar 17, 2018
    Gooding, Mar 17, 2018
    #6

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