Struggling badly atm- Back to square one.

I haven't been active on this site for nearly a year now.

During that time I was usually making around 10 days before relapsing.. now I'm doing it every two days or so.

I am not in a good place atm in regards to my overall quality of life.

I left home last September aged 18 to compete a journalism course. I had the most amazing time where I lived, made great friends and completed my course achieved good grades.

Since then, I managed to secure two days a week work experience at a reputable newspaper, where I've had over 100 sports articles published. However I have entered a stage of decline in my life not just in terms of work but also social and general wellbeing.

As my course finished where I was studying. I had two choices: stay up in the area of the country where I was; which is a good place for media. Or go back home to my rural hometown.

I threw myself into the deep end and stayed up- though, this has involved living at my 45 year old Aunts house who lives in a city nearby.

I got a part- time job, working 4 days a week to earn money to allow me to pay the bills- and then 2 days a week unpaid at the paper. Sunday is my one day off.

Things started out great. I was enjoying the job, the writing and doing fine- but now it's not so great.

To get the point:

I don't have any friends where I am currently. I don't particularly like my work colleagues and so don't meet with them outside work

I miss my friends that I made last year- a lot were from countries around the world so I no longer see them.

I'm stuck in a rut working in a job I don't want to do.

I come home from work , cook, go to bed and go to work again- no spare time

My aunt has been my only real form of social interaction for the past 7 months. I am starting to go about insane haha- I went from going out every weekend to never going out.

I have been applying for full time trainee reporter roles and had 2 interviews but no job offer.

I was hoping that my work at the paper would lead to a full time position, but it hadn't. Each time I go in I am less motivated to write. I am not even getting feedback on my work, it gets published by I don't get told what was good/bad. I have covered several live games during my one day off, which have sometimes been 2+ hours away- but I haven't received any payment for anything I have done. I'm not doing it for money, I do it because it's what I love to do but it's just kinda annoying as I am fully qualified. I travel 40 minutes each morning and evening twice a week to do this work, but it's leading me nowhere anywhere now. I have asked to switch to general news but have been told I will have to wait until July/August. ( currently on sport- my main passion). I'm trying to switch as for a lot of trainee reporter roles you need all round experience.

Also had an interview for sports placement at the BBC, though not accepted.

Can't seem to catch any kind of break atm.


Nothing seems to be working out for me right now, and I think I'm holding myself back by masturbating and wasting my energy on that instead of looking to solve the issues.

I never used to watch porn but now have started...

I am going through stages of feeling ok and then like everything is too much to handle- I try my best not to get down, but it's now reaching a point whereby it's getting tough to stay positive:/