extreme help needed

When you get to 7 days porn free, you will feel better

 

Hi. I just came to offer/receive support as I'm suffering from femdom addiction as well. It's mostly all areas of femdom from the soft (foot worship) to the extreme (trampling, kicking, extreme whipping, TP). Also some "mesmerize" and femdom POV / Findom type clips and hours spent looking at femdom images and captions. Over the past few weeks, I had started getting aroused by the sissy/cuckold type stuff as well. Since I started watching P in high school, it was either lesbian stuff or Femdom, but the Femdom porn is what ended up really taking hold of me. It's really a tough one to break out of. In my case, I'm extremely depressed and for some reason the humiliation just makes me feel better. Also, I remember thinking / fantasizing about some femdom stuff when I was in elementary and didnt know what porn was, which makes it tough to break free. How much of this is who I truly am?

 

Yes! That happens to me all the time.

 

Yea, I've tried but over the last few years the addiction has just gotten worse. I can usually go 1 or 2 days without, but after that I start having extreme cravings and end up in a several hour binge session. While I'm binging and enjoying it I also repeat "please help me please help me please stop please stop" but I am unable to do so. I'm trying to quit again though. I've gone two days without and I'm starting my third day. Saturday was easy and yesterday was ok, but today my mind and body are already craving that stuff, so I'm trying to hang out on this forum for support. Today I'm having a headache and ringing in my ears..not sure if it's some sort of withdrawal or not. My work productivity has suffered greatly as I work from home and spend too much time looking up femdom/findom content. Also, as things go bad for me at work or at home I tend to turn to that stuff. I Just need to deal without looking.

I also suffer from extreme depression, anxiety, and lonliness and as that has gotten worse over the last few years my P usage has increased.

 

I had to take similar actions to this in order to overcome the initial temptation of going back to PMO. I couldn't handle the temptation so I had to find ways to prevent my access to it. I sold my computer, got rid of my smartphone, only used internet at work, threw away any magazines that could even be tempting (I didn't have porn magazines, but there's temptation everywhere) and I monitored what I watched on tv as much as possible, looking away if I saw something tempting that could cause a relapse later. Even after doing all of this it took me a while to completely overcome where I was and get to where I am now (61 days).

EDIT: I forgot to mention earlier, I also deleted ALL of my social media accounts and no longer use them. I found there were too many triggers on there, so I chose to get rid of them for good.

I'm saying this because I had to do literally whatever it took to get this stuff out of my life, and you need to do the same. Delete accounts, throw your computer away, turn off internet service, do whatever it takes, and then start trying new things like reading or exercising to replace the old habits.

You can do this! You have to start at step one, then take the next step. Before you know it, you'll be walking free as a completely new person.

 

This is literally exactly the same with me - it's as if you're telling my story.

I think honestly the only way to get out of it (as mentioned above by @CrimsnBlade) is to block it entirely. I was doing very good when I had it all blocked, but I managed to find access to it through a certain site & that's when I relapsed... However I think if I go again with my blocklist updated (on both my phone & PC) I think I will finally be able to break away from it...

After all if you literally cannot access it then you're going to be good...

I know it's an extreme measure, but I've come to realize this specific type of addiction NEEDS an extreme measure.

The big problem with this type of P is that although you hate being addicted, at the same time you enjoy being addicted because that's the nature of the fetish - the femdoms having control over you. So literally the only way out is to totally block it 100%.

Even if blocking it completely will interrupt other stuff (for example I have now fully blocked twitter and I can't contact people on there) just DO IT... because otherwise you will never get away from it. The sacrifices will be worth it overall.

 

I think it safe to recommend professional counseling @Gvn2Fly (great song, btw). You’re dealing with a few things at once and it probably requires more than just steps to stop porn use.

 

I agree. However, I tried to stay away from P without acknowledging the underlying issues I had (chronic low-level depression, emotional/sexual trauma, insecurity). After understanding and working through them with a professional, my resolve showed up in staying away from P and being more logic about it. In @Gvn2Fly ’s case, I perceive there is something gripping him tight and preventing him from making progress. I could be wrong, but I think that this is not just about staying away from a habit.

 

Yes, you're right. I've gone to therapy/counseling in the past and I've thought about going back again. It's probably been about 4 years since I've gone. I've also taken time off form work in the past to participate in intensive outpatient day-long type therapy sessions for a few weeks and been hospitalized for a weekend due to strong suicidal thoughts. Like you said, porn use is just one part of my problem. With all the porn use lately and doing horribly at work (4 hours of porn most days), I've thought about just trying to take some time off again because I literally feel like I'm falling apart right now. This is horrible to say, but sometimes I feel like the P addiction is actually one of the things keeping me going. Even with all the therapy, I've never been able to be open with my porn use or attraction to femdom. I told one therapist I saw for a few weeks that I was addicted to porn, but all she said was "stop watching it" and then moved on to a different topic. Not really that helpful, and again, I'm just so ashamed at the femdom content it just isn't something I ever feel comfortable talking about outside of an online setting. The problem with the therapy, is that I don't really feel it helps me all that much - maybe I just haven't found the right therapist or need to find someone that really deals with sex/porn addiction type issues.

 

May I suggest that you try and find a good CSAT (or equivalent), and especially a male therapist. I do understand “just stop watching it” coming from a female (many of us experienced that coming from SOs), I doubt that a male therapist will give you the same advice.

Also, since it seems like you’re the kind of person who is ready to get serious about a life overhaul - educate yourself about your own mind. Find a brick and mortar library close to you, and try and research addictions, compulsions and mental issues related to them. It will help you greatly, and your work through therapy will be much more rewarding.

 

betterlife, don't be angry at yourself. We're all going to be triggered by things in our daily life, become aroused, and get tempted. I think what's important is that we don't act on those triggers. So if you got aroused by the book, that's fine, but don't go home and look at P.

About an hour ago, I told myself it would be ok if I went to a site and just looked around for 5 minutes. What harm could 5 minutes do right? I know from experience the harm it could do. I didn't go to the site.

 

Triggers just happen. Try to avoid them if you can, but when you do encounter one, acknowledge it and then set it aside and avoid it. With repeated practice of avoiding and denying triggers, you get better at it.

Also, meditation will be a life saver in this too.

 

The thoughts will be strong for some time but will start to fade.

Remember this will be the first time in a long time that your brain can’t relax by using porn, so you will freak out!

This is normal. You have to get through the uncomfortable obsession and know that it will pass. Every time you sit with that feeling and don’t relapse and get through it, is another step in the direction of re-wiring your brain. Your new pathways will be stronger and the old ones will weaken.

Also, remember that to replace old habits we need to create healthy new ones, otherwise our brain won’t change. So just as we used to use PMO daily and often multiple times per day, we need to replace that with something else.

My daily practice includes, prayer, meditation, journaling, talking to loved ones and other addicts about my problems, and really diving into the emotional problems I’ve been using PMO to run from.


I also wanted to mention your first post in this thread. I was obsessed with femdom, master/slave, degradation and giving up control to someone else to abuse me as they wished. I also was obsessed with cuckold and bulls and even tried to groom my wife into trying this... it never happened but I was pushing for it.

This for me was the opposite of love.... this was purely based on my sexual urges to feed my addiction. There was zero emotional connection in our sex life at the end and every time I would orgasm with her I would feel guilt because every act we did was strictly about how to feel more pleasure (like a drug addict!).

As much as this is painful thinking it can get even worse. So foryou to stop now is the best thing. I believe I have developed medical problems due to my obsession with master/slave femdom punishment stuff...so the consequences can be worse, and the progression will still go deeper and more extreme over time.

That said, I’m 80 days sober, and until I read your post I haven’t thought much about this for some time now. So there is hope for things to even out and our mind to rebalance.

I still find women incredibly attractive and I still have sexual urges, so I’m not turned into a monk, it is starting to balance out to my normal state. There are some other frtishes beyond femdom that are still strong because they were my “drug of choice,” but even those are noticeably shrinking to a normal level.