I seem to communicate in a very wrong way

hehehe, well, yea... that's me by default. But in my country women don't chase men because they are scared of being declared as a sluts by their pack.
But I'll definitely try that one time: just to be there uninterested and see what happens

 

I've opened to my wife to maximum. She knew all of my sexual desires and only full filled my fetish because it was the easiest to full fill (aka she wan't prone to invest more energy into our sex life). Problem is that she was the one who never opened. I had to pull out of her her desires. And my conclusion after all those years is that she didn't have any desires, she was sexually empty and uninteresting. She had phobia of sexual diseases. For example, I proposed numerous times that we go have sex outside on the blanked somewhere on the meadow. She refused because, like our hands will be dirty and we will be touching our genitalia with them... every bit of spice in our sex life was introduced by me. Over the years, I've encouraged her to be sex goddess she wishes to be, anything she wants. So she bought a leather whip. I sad ok, let see. So only once she spanked me a bit, just a bit and then laid on the bead and wanted me to start to f... her. I was like "that's it? wtf!".
But funny thing is that she enjoyed touching herself alone under she shower because she was doing that from times she was teenager. I tried to take advantage of those kind of situations but she would turn me down get pissed on me so I stopped to try to interfere while she was doing it. Also, of all sexual toys she liked the bunny vibe the most and also would touch herself with it but wouldn't like to givme me to join...
Also, she was never there in sex with me, she was always in imagination. like always! Not a once she would come to me and try to conquer me or to enjoy me, or to really want to suck my really nice penis

Now I understand she had "mr. nice guy" mentality, same as I. We were two dysfunctional persons. And believe me, as a "nice guy" I've invested a whole sh*t load of my energy in that relationship and she spent it all on her depression and dysfunctional relationships with her "friends" (she was making female friends fairly easily, but those relations had maybe a year or two lifespan because of her)

All in all, it was ours both mistake and we just put up with each other because we were to scared of being alone if we would break up

 

I understand what you are pointing on but maybe I've showed it wrong: I haven't been trying to do all kind of stuff so she couldn't or wouldn't keep up with my desires, I just wanted her to be there in the moment with me. She never was. The minute I would enter her she would go into imagination because she would try to pursue her orgasm and she only could do that by using imagination. It was her "porn". She was (is) imagination MO addict. Because of that I've tryed to encourage her that we try all kind of stuff so maybe she would loosen up. I really don't enjoy pain but was willing to try it if it would make her happy. One of first thing she told me when we started to go out was that I wasn't her type but because that I'm very handsome she likes me. I should have just take advantage of her and left her to pursue her type then... But being low self asteem "nice guy" I tried to show myself like a real catch. And she obviously liked that I was willing to put up wit her shit...
As I said it was boths decision and mistake

Also I don't I'm that much of a perv: I like passionate sex and women who dress like ladies. If I would compare it to a porn genre it would be french vintage... Most perverted thing would be anal but she didn't want that so it was my main genre of choice in porn and kept my addiction alive

 

I've admitted my fetish to my wife in the beginning of the relationship, she knew everything. And it didn't help, after all those years in the end she took it as a major flaw in our relationship.
Problem is that when you don't love somebody, you'll take anything as a problem in the end. My sexual desires wasn't the problem because I didn't push them, she was willing to comply. She just used them in the end as a tool to make me look more dysfunctional than she was in our relationship

 

ON TOPIC:
I've been working on my self esteem and the way I communicate with people and the results are magnificent! Everyday I use every opportunity to get a chat with somebody, anybody, in any situation. The response is unbelievable, people are so interested in sharing their toughs, like everyone is just waiting for somebody to talk to them! It's like the role has changed: now I see that everybody are like I was - not sure in them self and not willing to make a first move
So, my self esteem has sky rocketed and I'm preparing to land it on some available ladies that I know before I try to go fishing in open sea

 

Love is such difficult term to grasp on... I started to accept myself the way I am but only because I've started to do something with myself. I wouldn't accept old myself if I was he now anymore. My world is totally changing because I've opened myself towards others... and I have to thank few factors for that: a book "no more nice guy", an affirmation that stopped me from PMO (it's so easy) and my ex wife for destroying my safe shell and by that helping me realize that I'm just human and people still love me no matter what...

 

you have to pronounce yourself to be a man who doesn't fap any more.
Example, I said: "I'm Svabo and I don't fap and I don't watch porn!"
That's it. And just repeat that every time when you think of PMO of start to use imagination. It's very effective!
People make mistake when they use force to stop PMO, like when they say to them self "I will not watch porn". That "will not" requires force to be accomplished so it is definitely wrong way to go. Right way never requires force...
So when you say "you are not that person", you stop using force because force isn't required if you aren't that person...
very very effective
my desire for PMO is absolutely gone, I'm not that person any more