Incel 'involuntary celibate' male

there more in life than just sex, dont worry too much about it. instead focus on yourself

 

A piece of advice: no one gets into a relationship for selfless reasons. Before you can interest girls, you need to be able to offer them something they want.

I know how difficult it can be to be down on yourself because you don't have something you really want; but if you stay that way, and never improve yourself, that will never change. Turning 30 was a big deal for me. I'm doing everything I can to catch up after having wasted my 20s to depression. I encourage you to do the same. Self-improvement is a big deal.

 

Hello man,
Focus on being a better man and make some achievements in your life. People generally don't care about what you feel or what you think but they do care a lot if you have achievements and know how to show them. This is why generally rich people are more liked because having a fancy car means it is a result of your success in life although a lot of guys here would disagree with me.
Take care and and think about what will improve your life. I am 26 and in some days I will be 27 and I wasted time worrying about the same concerns of yours. At least you have more time than me you can be happy with that.

 

I read that the man who lashed out so violently in Toronto was an incel. Regardless of conditions (asbergers, incel status, etc) I felt like finding the right influence and supportive community is critical for lonely people, because a good support community will help someone NOT develop loathing, hatered and rage towards single women , single men, or people in relationships.

I’m not sure how to get out of poverty other than having luck, talent, Saviness, positivity and sincere hard work ethic. It can be done, often with help and opportunities from others. Good luck, and please find a peaceful and nourishing group of influences to motivate your self improvement efforts.

I really get strength and good ideas from a blog called zenhabits. Maybe you will find some useful advice and ideas there too.

Good luck

 

Consider: if you are unhappy now, being in a relationship is not going to fix things. Relationships are not magic pills. They don't suddenly fix your life, make you completely happy without a care in the world. There is an initial excitement and high, yes, but then when the relationship matures you start noticing things about each other that you don't like, and if you aren't committed to the relationship beyond just "I need you in my life to make me happy," then this will turn into fights and eventually the relationship will fall apart. Looking to go into a relationship to find happiness is a bad reason for wanting a relationship... don't do that to another person, no person deserves such demands on their love, "Make me happy or I will hate you."

Work on yourself. Start exercising. Start meditating. Learn to enjoy life as it is, where you are right now. Yes even without a girlfriend. Even in your poverty (I am poor too). You can be happy right here and right now. You don't need to add anything to your life to be happy. Just give up your judgements about how much your life sucks. Give up your prejudices about what a happy life should look like. Enjoy the moment, be grateful for all the things you already have.

Wish you the best. Keep in touch.

 

Couldn't agree with Matthew more.

I'll give you some tough love if you will accept it - because I really think this is what you need, and all guys who label themselves "incel" too.

Stop playing the victim. You have so much to offer. But please, instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on growing as a person and as a man.

What are your passions ? What do you want to accomplish in your life ? What's your purpose ? Find out about this, then work towards your goals. Create your ideal life, and then I swear woman will all want to be around you.

But if you keep focusing on what you don't have (money, social status, looks whatever B.S you keep telling yourself), nothing is going to happen.

Take responsibility, and become a legend now ! You can do it. Everything is earned in this life, nothing is free. Good outcomes are a result of decision and work. Step into your fears, and read "the way of the superior man" by David Deida.

Also, it might be helpful for you to consider getting therapy and coaching (seduction).

I've done all of these things, and my life has changed, and so can you... But stop being a victim.

 

Yeah, correct.

https://www.npr.org/2018/04/29/6067...nline-community-behind-the-toronto-van-attack

 

That is like the kindest tough I've seen on this forum.



Having a girlfriend can be heaven but it can all be hell.
I remember when the relief I felt when my last girlfriend broke up with me (she actually ghost me but IDC).
It's one of the worse feelings in the world to have a girlfriend who complains and whines about things. A few years ago I was enjoying the FA Cup final on TV when my ex-girlfriend texted complaining about the state of the relationship. It ruined the whole day for me. I'm not bitter, I'm grateful that I had those relationships because I learnt from them. Now that I am single I am so happy that I don't have to deal with that anymore. Yes, I would like a girlfriend in the future and sometimes I find myself really wanting one again but generally I enjoy being single. I'm improving myself and when the time is right I'll be in a relationship.

It is better to be single than to be in a relationship with a bitch.
For every single person wishing they were in a relationship, there is a person in a relationship wishing they were single.

I would encourage you to start meditating, it might make you happier.
Also, a gratitude journal might help.

 

I don't think I'd describe it as progressive. I think conservatives outnumber the progressives here.

 

Wrong, stop focusing on what you don’t have ! I have asperger friends who learned to become super social and outgoing. It’s a choice, full stop. But if you keep finding excuses thinking you are cursed or whatnot... Then you keep telling this B.S story that prevents you from realising your potential. Being here is a first step, second step is you have to go out there in the world and learn to interact with real people

 

I’m very new to the group, but it’s understand the values as being “anti-hate” and pro self-examination and betterment. Not about blaming others, etc. I think that goes a long way in the progressive direction, whatever are people’s specific beliefs.

 

Are you looking for permission to not do anything about your situation or are you looking for ways to grow as a person?

Too often people come here and lay down a story about how sad their life is and all the reasons of why they can't change.

What's the scary, uncomfortable, uncertain, and difficult thing that you know you should be doing to become the person you want to be and to have the life that you want which you aren't doing?

Answer that question. Without listing reasons of why you can't do it.