25 next month; no job, no degree, no gf, no friends, almost no family

I have been there done that when you have no friends no family and not mutch future ahead can be difficult to put it nice BUT YOU CAN OVERCOME IT

Now no one is perfect and your not messed up , all women have faults so do men don't put women above you and don't talk to yourself that way

trying to make people like you is exhausting find people that like you as you are

I used to hope myself until I looked deap within myself and listing how I critzed myself how I was looking for other people to believe in me like me until one day I said NO MORE, YOU HAVE TO BELEVE IN YOUR SELF , NO ONE ELSE WILL when others say you cant do this or that YOU HAVE TO SAY YES I WILL and NEVER EVER CRITIZE YOURSELF EVER no one is perfect FIND WOMEN AND OTHERS THAT LIKE YOU JUST AS YOU ARE
Hope this helps you I have been down that road of depression self critizim blame and I have come out it. The man starring back at you in the mirror when brushing your teeth is the man that's going to get you out of it GOOD LUCK STAY STRONG

 

You are not a jerk at all, start by being grateful for what you have, medetate, go for a light jogs, listen out for the birds singing in the trees and look in the mirror and smile and I say I love you to your reflection, once you can do this my friend you will be on your way,
May God bless your beating heart.

 

Oh man, I can relate a lot with your situation. Do you have an a accountability partner ?

 

Want of sympathy and lack of energy are at the root of all misery, and you must therefore give these two up. - Swami Vivekananda

 

You sound like a good guy, but why haven't you ever had a job? You need one to build a sense of self-worth and accomplishment. I'll be interested in reading your answer.
Good luck, everything will change for the better if you put the work into it.

 

Yeah I know that

edit (*lol at the swami thing)

 

This sounds like I could've written it. You seem to have everything in perspective.

What's your current goal with NoFap? 90 Days?

 

Let go the guilt bro I know how you feel I'm 28 still live with my parents and I got my degree and thought I was law school bound I took my LSAT twice and did miserable both times that was 5 yrs ago. I gave up on law school started doing things like pmo to deal with the stress of not knowing what to do I was in a cycle of masturbating and smoking and just looking for quick thrills to forget about my dreams as a lawyer. I was working jobs that I was overqualified and spending it on weed and alcohol instead of saving it. I see all my friends in relationships and married not living at home and I'm stuck so I thought. Until I realized that now that I was externalizing my power blaming others for my actions.I always wanted to play victim and wanted others to feel bad for me. But now since I gave up pmo I see the error of my ways and I completely forgive myself and work on what I can do "now" to better my situation. All things happen for a reason the pain the joy of life learn from it and remain humble the grass isn't greener on the other side. Till this day idk what I'm doing to make more money to live on my own but the fact that I'm working towards it is a huge step because I was avoiding it too long

 

Hey man. I understand. I'm in pretty much the same situation as you, just a bit younger. It's really tough but we can make it through. Learn to love ourselves.

 

I don't know if this is the right kind of support for a post like this. It's okay to seek support from others. Seeking support isn't going to be a root of misery. Seeking support for your feelings when you have difficulty will help you make it through and even conect with others in a meaningful way. But I am all to familiar with the critical voice saying, "Keep your problems to yourslef. People will just think you want sympathy." And this voice is missing something.

Lack of energy I don't know how to just "give up". Maybe the Swami fellow wrote more about it some where.

I think that @Arc12 's quote is correct in the long term. Like, when you're 75. You might reach such a level of maturity. But I think OP needs a more supportive kind of reply for where he's at in the present.

With that being said OP I read your post and wasn't going to comment much except that. You're not being a jerk. I think its really good that you expressed all that. Keep it coming! Your desire to vent all this comes from a healthy place.

About school, I'm sorry you are losing enthusiasm for it at such a tough time. If you could just do your best for the next exams, then you might appreciate it in the future.

BUT if you are sick of hearing that and have just F-ING HAD IT with that kind of talk. Then write about how much you hate your exams. Keep venting. It will be good for your mental health. When your teacher hands you the exam paper, just write, "I AM SICK OF MATH" all over it. Emotional honesty is more important than math.

I don't know what medicine school is like in Europe but if its anything like American medicine, you dodged a bullet by not going to med school. Check out "Mind control of medical students" by Jeanice Barcelo. Mainstream looks at modern medicine as such a high career to be in but actually the industry is pretty messed up. Its not easy to find an ethical job these days. A lot of them are holding up an unhealthy and corrupt industry because the money is in the wrong hands. (At least in where I live)

 

Hi @MessedUp93, just wanted to say that you're not a loser or a failure or however you feel, and I can relate. I'm older than you and a woman. I did everything 'how you're meant to' as in I had lots of friends, looked pretty, got good grades, went to uni and got a degree, and then was hit by massive suicidal depression after graduating, which I've been battling on and off for the past 10 years. During that time I've tried and failed at relationships, lost most of my friends, and retrained twice before, aged 30, finally finding a sector of work I really love. I'm now mid 30s and still have not managed to maintain a healthy loving relationship nor have children, which I really hoped to by this age, but such is life.

What I'm trying to say is, don't worry about 'keeping up with societal norms,' it will just cause you to feel depressed and like a loser. You, as a human being on earth, have value just by existing. We all do. I think these beliefs about 'must have a good job and partner and family by Xage' are really unhelpful and a relic from our old industrial, protestant past when we were all shamed into conforming as it benefited those in power. (Look up Buckminster Fuller's thoughts on work). I think people would be a lot happier if everyone was allowed to live life at their own pace rather than feel forced to conform all the time. I have, completely uninentionally, not conformed to societal norms and now, in my mid 30s, I feel kind of at peace about it, because in the end, all the choices were the right ones for me. As long as you feel peace in your heart and are not hurting others, that is all that matters. If you can let go of the self hate and the self shaming, you will feel a lot better. Replace them with self care, self love and self compassion. Look up Brian Tracy on youtube and do one of his 'goal setting' exercises. They are a bit cheesy but I find them helpful. Write up 1-3 goals with steps towards them and put them up on your wall then each day take one small action (or more if you can) towards reaching them.

I'd also add, if being a dr is your dream, then don't give that up. I found the career I loved at age 30 and went back to college as a mature student. Someone I graduated with become a dr after graduating from a completely unrelated degree. Obviously finances can be an issue, but there are often ways to work round these things if it's meant to be. We'll probably be working til we're 90 anyway so you have plenty of time to find work that you enjoy. As the Dalai Lama says, never give up.

 

Good idea. I just checked into this and its exactly the kind of thing I like to read.

https://books.google.com/books?id=c...ntcover#v=onepage&q="specious notion"&f=false

 

Yes, Buckminster Fuller is awesome and I love this quote. I have thought about it a lot over the years since I've struggled to hold down jobs myself due to my mental health relapses and do think doing some sort of work is very positive, but it really needs to be something that the person feels has value and that they feel relatively good at and ideally enjoy. Like Bucky I really think we need to get rid of the idea that we all need to work 40+ hours a week in something we hate to be worthy humans. I did once work 60+ hours a week in my first career, and ended up having a breakdown/complete burnout, and I've never fully recovered from it in terms of my memory which was affected, and my confidence, my energy, my decision making skills. It really damaged me and felt like a brain trauma of sorts and going through it made me realise how our health is so much more important than work.

 

Yeah definitely. I joined a recovery group for workaholism and it really changed my perspective on the whole work thing. I burned out in the beginning of 2016. Then I started getting support there. It was so new to me to actually rest during the day and stuff like that.

Gradually I made a shift toward some forms of activism that are alot more meaningful to me than the work I used to do. I never expected that but I'm glad.

 

You sound just like me, hang in there brother. This turtles going to find a slipstream for the both of us.

 

Cool it kid, I'm 35 , believe me you have plenty of time to figure it out.

As for your degree, finish it, as painful as it may be, because I imagine that by now you can't switch majors.

Video games are fine but maybe you would benefit from taking a break from them until you form more productive routine in your life, that is what I do now (even though it only been a few days and I miss being in a military simulation playing soldier).

Med school takes 8 years , 33 years old doctor doesn't sound too bad, but who knows you might end up disliking that also. I suggest seeking professional career advice because maybe you would find things that you do not realize yet.

And really I think you would benefit from evaluating yourself based on who you are and not your Job or what GF you may or may not have, so build yourself up and give up the PMO at least until you are happy with who you are.


Also one final point : Envy of any sort is BS because you have no way of knowing what other shit the person you are envious of has to deal with or what sacrifices they make, even if they are Elon musk or something, so no point in comparing yourself.

 

Totally sympathize with your situation. I also have depression and anxiety. No matter what their life situation is, depressed people think they're worse off than they are. I know this from experience. Right now, my life is far from bad. And yet I'm depressed--fog sits between my temples all day and night.There's no easy way out of it. You just have to let a little more light in everyday. Sharing is a way to do that. Know that people are like you, that they're afraid of loneliness, that they think they don't stack up to others around them. We can't all be as bad as we think we are.

 

All your problems such as: depression, anxiety, relationships problems, job problems, uni problrems..... result from trauma.

When bad things happen to us when we are children such as being brought up by parents who are disconnected or abusive, we respond by internally disconnecting from our core selves: needs, wants, desires, soul, heart, self love. And when you are internally disconnected from your core vitality called your soul and from your true emotions called your heart, and from your body that gives you internal peace and safety..... nothing will work in your life.

You life has been donated by hate: you hate uni, yourself, your ex partners and probably it is because your parents hated you, and this is the juice of all your problems.

You can only heal if you realise this is happening, embark on a journey of trying to sincerely love yourself, of finding your inner most joy, happiness and peace..... and it is an internal journey although people on the outside can help you out.

 

Hey man, I think the worst thing, is thinking that this is an abnormal experience that there is no way out of, can't be cured, will never change. It' just not true.

I think you've probably taken a lot of negativity up to this point. Nothing changes overnight but you gotta make small changes over time. But you've got to find some calm and positivity. Keep working out, think about the way you'e dressing and appreciate the small things, big things will come.