depressing topic (sorry for the swearing, mods feel free to edit or delete)

I know some what of your pain here. I myself lost faith in people and this world years back. Been on many anti depressants but no help. I try to focus on my family and nothing else. It took me 45 years to understand that there is no justice and fairness in the world. I try to be a good person to you others and be fair to people even when it bites me in the ass

 

There is a scene from a movie called “Her” 37:00 minutes in the movie Joaquin Phoenix’s character talks about feeling like he has felt everything good in his life and feels like he will never feel anything new only different versions of what he has already felt. This hit me hard because it perfectly describes my depression.
My depression has taken many things from my life. I still haven’t given up completely though. I have come to the notion that I have to pretend to be ok to protect my wife and kids. I chose to be a sacrifice so to speak. My older kids have no idea that I have been in deep depression for 6 years. You tube this scene from the movie it felt good to hear what I never could define myself.

 

What do you like in life ?

And, what frustrated you the most ? Be honest.

Is it wasting time on video game ?
Feeling weak or hate your body ?
Hate "the Chad" that fuck the "Stacy" ?

Be honest, tell us and let's find what you need. Sometimes it's not that you don't like what you have, sometimes you hate what you want.

 

Miserable and angry.

I know what you're talking about.

How old are you OP ? Are you a virgin ?

Hope you have time in front of you because we're going to talk

 

Damn, we have a similar life !

I also lost my virginity at 17 and screwed a (2) hooker but around 21 and 22. In fact I've screwed nothing cause I had ED

and I'm also 25

Do you do drug or drink alcohol ?

Do you miss your first GF ?

 

I also gave up alcohol last year but I did not drink for almost 8 months now but a bottle with the GF is alright, I even wish I could drink for such an occasion.

Oh chronic cheater .. That's suck :l

Since when do you feel bad like this ?

 

Start working out and developing a new skill. Learn how to cook, code or speak a new language. Human beings seem to grow anxious when they have little room for new experience. Pick up a journal and work out bad experiences from your past. Join a social club. Write poetry. Go chop some word, for fix up a car. Open yourself to self-improvement and the self-confidence will come hand-in-hand. You just have to keep making steps.

One thing thought, you should look into re-directing your emotions into something productive, instead of letting them concentrate on dreams that you feel are impossible. If you organize your mind, you'll be prepared to seize opportunities in the future. Make headway and keep improving yourself. That's really all there is to it.

 

I am 26 yo and have been in that angry loop for sometime, I hope this can work this time

 

I often feel similar anger and frustration. My parents are telling me that working my 9 to 5 should be more important than cross country. It’s my last year in high school, which is hell. CC is the only thing I like about school (and track is ok). They want me to go into the prison yard less (practice for CC less) and then move from this prison to a high security one in solitary confinement (college “education” and then working until I retire).

I find it so demoralizing that the most lively days of your life (for your body) are spent preparing for freedom in your 60’s when you can’t do jack shit.

Why do people wait until they’re deteriorating to do what they want? I think it’s fear and ignorance - being a sheep.

 

@nofepfepforlife Well, I don't know I can say that but I totally relate to your situation. I used to be depressed for no reason, my whole life and once I had a real reason to be sad, I started enjoying life cause I felt lucky to have no problem myself.

I mean, I understood that my life wasn't the life of my family or friends the day my mom got cancer. I saw her happy like nothing would touch her. She would make me cry like a baby when she said "It's okay, I prefere to have cancer than to see one of my kid sick".

She was acting like a hero to me and I was amazed by her acting like this. I was like "wow, she really can die and what's count for her is that her loved one are happy". I could not believe that, a person, my mom, being happy in such a despicable situation. Because she taught me that with hope you could beat any darkness, I've learned that I should enjoy every thing in life, for the smallest one to the biggest one.

One year later, my GF left me cause of my "problem". Another reason to feel horribly sad.

Than my "friends" started to act mean to me, cause one of them was jealous and full of hate (to me and life). He made my life even more complicated for no reason. I saw in him a non evolued version of myself.

I understood that I was a weight to people, a sad kid that can't stop complaining. Why would have changed ? I felt like people were not helping me.

Well,

I was the one that could help me.

Instead of always seeking for help, seeking for reasons, seeking for excuses.

I was seeking for life. To find happiness. To find love, to find peace.

I've become an huge dick ahaha, but my people loved me for that. Because I started to assume what I wanted, what I needed. I did stop questionning myself with question that had no answer. No possible answer was the answer. I did not looked for any validation anymore and if anyone, I said anyone, would say "meh, you're crazy" I would have doubled my effort just to prove them wrong.

Today, I still have trouble with myself, with my porn addiction.

But dude, I did overcome so many shit and completed so many success that no one (even me) would have think possible for me to achieve.

So here is my answer to you, just be yourself, accept and assume who you are. Don't be affraid to flip the bird. Don't be affraid to be hit in the face. Do what you want to do, don't think about the consequence, just assume them. Question yourself, are you always finding excuses ? Blaming others ? Be the main character of your life, act like anything, I said anything, that happen to you is your fault. If you are a sensible person, then accept it. Go, listen to music, think about what hurted you, cry, cry cry again until you have nothing left to be sad for.

Depression is shit but you can get through it. I think that the best thing to do is facing it. Living it at 100% even if it means crying 24/7.

Stop running away from who you are, from what you want. Be yourself, assume it. Even if it means being alone. Don't be affraid to hurt people that are a weight for you. Live your life, it is yours. Your life should not depend from anyone. You can share, but you're not the property of anyone and no one is your property. So don't fear to get rid of people that you don't want in your life, even your family.

And don't be affraid to talk to someone that you want to know.

I think that you have enough reason to feel like what your doing is not working since a long time, so you have all the reasons to change how you're living and acting in order to make your life change. Doing the same things all over again and excepting a change is not possible.

 

I get that. Your parents are just trying to ensure your own self-sufficiency, but I understand the feeling of wanting more than steady income and job security. I would be careful of going into college without having that sort of decision being something you have determined to be what you really want. Take some time off after high school, if you have to.

You have to think about it as learning to walk before you can run. If you build up skills and formulate plans for your dreams while you are working the regular 9-to-5 stint, saving money and keeping your resume looking good, then you can begin to integrate skills and resources into establishing the career that you really want. If you're creative, patient and willing to save time and money, you can really do anything you set your mind to. The most important thing, though, is to know yourself so that you can be honest with what you want and what you are willing to do to get it.

 

I dont know if youve seen a doctor for depression but as I am diagnosed with Major/Clinical Depression I can tell you Im in a completely different boat. Ive been doing everything you do, except the money part and PIED, and I feel great because I also meditate, do kegels and reverse kegels, stopped using drugs (2 years and 5 months clean and sober), No PMO has helped with my anxiety and my confidence around women is better, I even stopped my other addiction of playing video games for 12+hours a day (not gaming at all anymore, glad to say my ps4 is in storage and that chapter of my life is closed. I dont regret it but its time to move on to new things.) and my depression has lifted to some degree. Like I said I'm diagnosed with the disorder, I sometimes exercise and I feel even more depressed. I used to sleep for 12+hours and still feel tired. I am currently suffering from a back problem and plantar fasciitis (which contributes to my depression) but I doesnt get to me much because of the little things I do that add up to satisfy me in life currently. You need to do more is what im getting at. If I was able to lift my depression to some degree im sure you can too but you have to try more things. If you really think about it could be worse my friend!