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I did it again

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ezmon, Jul 3, 2018.

  1. Jul 3, 2018 #1
    ezmon

    ezmon Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    I am 19 years old. Since I am 14 I watched pornography and also masturbated. I was addicted but also started to fight against it because after it I really felt guilty, I felt empty and shameful. I could withstand for a few days, then a few weeks and also maybe two months.

    When I was 16 I tried to stop. Three years I neither masturbated nor did I watch any pornography. I developed strong values and an attitude against it. I had many urges but I was strong enough to withstand. In effect I focused more on school, my religion and family and became more succesful.

    Now I am 19 years old. Yesterday at evening I had a feeling that was really strong. I almost decided to do it again but I could withstand and I went to sleep. But today morning the same strong feeling the urge came back. It led my to do it again, the first time after three years.

    I feel really, really guilty now. I feel that everyhting that I have fought for the recent years is gone and that I will fall again. I feel that I betrayed my religion, my family and myself. When I did it I took all religios pieces out of my room. I felt that I had no control over myself. Now I really don't know what I can do. I feel depressed.

    I would be really happy for advice.

    thanks.
     
    ezmon, Jul 3, 2018
    ezmon, Jul 3, 2018
    #1
  2. Jul 3, 2018 #2
    r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

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    3 years - no p or m -it is itself big achievements . Congratulation for ur achievments over this 3 years.
     
    r8js, Jul 3, 2018
    r8js, Jul 3, 2018
    #2
    ezmon and Fidelmalek like this.
  3. Jul 3, 2018 #3
    wtbootb

    wtbootb Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on 3 years of no PMO, many don't get so far. Try to answer yourself these questions.

    "What led to this relapse?"
    "What worked for me these past 3 years?"
    "What can I do to prevent another relapse?"
     
    wtbootb, Jul 3, 2018
    wtbootb, Jul 3, 2018
    #3
    ezmon and Fidelmalek like this.
  4. Jul 3, 2018 #4
    SharingTheLoadHelps

    SharingTheLoadHelps Fapstronaut

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    Also, be aware that you're still young and your body is not completely mature yet. You will have more urges but don't feed them with PMO. Try cold showers or another technique to master your body.
     
    SharingTheLoadHelps, Jul 3, 2018
    SharingTheLoadHelps, Jul 3, 2018
    #4
    ezmon likes this.
  5. Jul 3, 2018 #5
    SharingTheLoadHelps

    SharingTheLoadHelps Fapstronaut

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    At 19, as you come out to adulthood (college, work, etc.) there are many situations that can cause stress and anxiety. Prepare yourself with activities or plans to deal with those triggers in a positive and constructive way. Many of us fell in the trap of the easy escape.
     
    SharingTheLoadHelps, Jul 3, 2018
    SharingTheLoadHelps, Jul 3, 2018
    #5
    ezmon likes this.
  6. Jul 3, 2018 #6
    randomguest

    randomguest Fapstronaut

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    Hello ! Whats the reason you stopped PMO ? It was because you wanted to feel more confident and happy, right ?
    Now you relapsed after 3 years and you feel depressed. You miss the point of no PMO. Its not bad, neither you should feel guilty.
    You should enjoy every moment of your life, even when you watch porn or masturbate because this is life man. We need to enjoy it.
    You proved yourself that you are not addicted. You abstained 3 years. Thats impressive. You can relax, feel proud for yourself and continue.
    Now you should focus on your goals. Don't put a lot of pressure to yourself. If you are not addicted or it does not cause any problem to your life then nothing is wrong. Just enjoy life man and do the best for you. Stop blaming yourself.
     
    randomguest, Jul 3, 2018
    randomguest, Jul 3, 2018
    #6
    ezmon likes this.
  7. Jul 3, 2018 #7
    JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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    You haven't lost all your progress, don't think like that, its dangerous. Please Read this. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ner-considered-a-relapse.178754/#post-1535885
     
    JJackson, Jul 3, 2018
    JJackson, Jul 3, 2018
    #7
    ezmon likes this.
  8. Jul 5, 2018 #8
    ezmon

    ezmon Fapstronaut

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    Hello my friends,

    thank you a lot for your helpful comments and advice. I still feel a little bit shameful for what happened but your comments really freshed me up. I think I shouldn't neglect my success over the last 3 years. And it's normal to fall on the run. But the most important thing is to stand up again. What I noticed is, that although I did it again for some reason I still keep the value system in mind that helped me abstaining from PMO for so long and it also helped me to ignore the urges that came up again yesterday and today. So you are right Jackson, I'm absolutely not on Level 1 again. I will try to forget what happened and keep my journey on. Thanks a lot!
     
    ezmon, Jul 5, 2018
    ezmon, Jul 5, 2018
    #8
    JJackson likes this.
  9. Jul 5, 2018 #9
    JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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    Good on you man, its important to get back up and keep going after stuff like this.

    Best of luck! Stay strong!
     
    JJackson, Jul 5, 2018
    JJackson, Jul 5, 2018
    #9
    ezmon likes this.
  10. Jul 7, 2018 #10
    ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

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    Trust me your young get off the filth in your youth and youl have a good life. Dont end up like me 47 and trying to quit after years of this filth.
     
    ak47_uk, Jul 7, 2018
    ak47_uk, Jul 7, 2018
    #10

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