ARE YOU GOOD WITH WOMEN? (share your story or advice)

So I recently relapsed after 35 days I found my self edging but that’s not what I wants to talk about so there’s a girl I been talking to on snap chat I started talking to on pof but I’m not feeling sexually attracted to her but I think she likes she lives a few cities over at this point it feels cruel if I was to just stop talking to her over that and I said I wanted to go on a date with her and I kind of do as it would get some more dating experience as I haven’t kissed a girl at the moment what should I do ?

 

Just curious, how many of you guys that say your good with women have attractive physical attributes that might helping you out? (height, looks, style)

 

I am a woman so I am always intrigued by these threads and FYI usually the men that say they are good with women, are actually quite horrible with them, so proceed with caution. The men that are good with women are good with themselves. So it’s been said many many times, being yourself and displaying self confidence is the best way to attract women. Sure you can read a self help book and look at videoes it cannot hurt, we all do it both genders, but ultimately getting a woman has to do with seeing her as an equal, the same as you, not some foreign creature that you must convince to like you. You could be as good with women as you want and still have a woman reject you because you are not good for her. Sure looks have something to do with initial attraction but they have very little to do with a sustained relationship. Women find non physical traits more important. This is why women are so all over the place with what man is attractive whereas most men can look at a woman and rate her a 5 or a 10 within a certain range, women have never developed such a solid scale. And a man that is super hot, could be incredibly ugly in the eyes of a woman if he’s also a horrible person and vice versa. I have been in many relationships with men whom when i met them I was not initially physically attracted to.

 

I don't really consider myself good or bad with women.

I'm "bad" with women that aren't interested in me and I'm awesome with women that are interested in me.

I express myself honestly. I place importance on doing things aligned with becoming the person I want to be and to have the life that I want to have. It's up to others if they want to join me on that path. That leads to rejection with some and acceptance with others. Rather than compensating, performing, and convincing people to like a fake version of me.

You can never find people that resonate with who you are if you're acting like someone that you're not.

Not everyone is interested in me and I'm okay with that. I'm comfortable with rejection because the faster that I get rejected the faster I can create space for the right people to enter my life.

 

This is exactly what I was trying to convey . This approach sees women as equals with their own minds, opinions and tastes. So just like some women like chocolate and others don’t some women like you and others don’t. No matter how hard you try that woman is not going to like you and twisting yourself into something she may like will not end well.
I blame pop culture and men’s general competitive spirit for the idea that a women’s heart or love is something to be won. The belief that if you are a good enough competitor then you can have whatever woman you want and if that’s not working you need to improve your game. This is also why I think men tend to not handle rejection in general as well as women. They see rejection as a failure of their game and think if they practiced hard and followed all of the rules that there are entitled to the prize. This also leads to a lot of stalking cases and Men who refuse to take no for an answer. But most importantly it leads to men wasting their time and energy on women that will never want them. Then becoming angry and bitter toward all women because of the rejection. The most ironic part is that when many men “achieve” these women even for a short period of time they realize it was not what they wanted at all.

Be yourself. Don’t be rude or be a jerk. Be respectful be honest be kind. Never pretend to be someone you are not. There is someone for everyone out there but they will never be found spinning your wheels with women who are not into you.

 

SO TRUE

 

This is very helpful. Especially the part about feeling pressure to be a worthy competitor. This resonates with me so much.

Hollywood movies are awful for this. They paint women as objects to be conquered and owned. If you can't do this, then there is something fundamentally wrong with you. I actually believed this for a long time.

Thank you for laying this all out so eloquently

 

Great post!

I live in a (student) city with a lot of guys and few girls and you can always feel that the guys try to compete with each other. They also kinda have to when there are like 4 guys to 1 girl at a party, that really sucks for both parties. The times I failed with finding a girl I was also trying to compete but when I went into a stage of my life where I didn't feel the need to have a gf (and thus could be myself) I did way better without really trying.

 

Well said.

It would do men a lot of good to listen to your advice.

She's not interested > "Oh, I guess I just have to do more." > Love more. Try harder. Think about her more. Do more things for her. > Still not interested and concerned with the guy's behavior. > "I guess I just have to become a better person for her." > Invest even more. > She's now trying to avoid the guy. > "Why? Why? Why!?! I do so much for her. No other guy does this much for her. No other guy loves her like I do. We would be perfect together. I'm perfect for her. I just have to show her. I just have to prove it to her. She just has to see what I see." > Finally gathers the courage to make a grand gesture to tell her how she feels. > She rejects him as directly and clear as possible. > "I can't believe she's treating me like this after everything I've done for her." > Resentment. Bitterness. Anger. > Dwells on the rejection and the unrequited love for weeks / months / years. > Finally gets over it. > New girl comes along. > "I have to do it right this time."

People take rejection too personally. They depend their self worth on another person's approval. Trying to win a prize so they can feel worthy.

It's a no win game of seeking external validation. If you don’t feel good about yourself, getting a woman's approval won’t change that. You'll soon tire of her and go seeking the next shiny object that promises to fill the empty space inside of you. It's a way to use women as one-dimensional objects whose only value is boosting an insecure man’s self-esteem.

Some people just can't accept the fact that not everyone is interested in them.

 

First I would like to say that there is no "thing to say to make her want you" or a "powerful text". This is a fictional "short-cut" used in the pick-up line industry (which is for loosers). It will only get you in trouble sooner or later when a woman finds out the true you! And if you are not what these pick-up lines represent, you are screwed. Not to mention the disappointment you will feel after get rejection after rejection. Its better to get rejected being yourself than mimicking some other guy's arrogant lines!

You have to understand that:

1. There is no guy that can have any women he wants. Rejection is inevitable and you have to accept it as part of the process.
2. Neediness on the other hand, is creepy and women can sense that. The best example to avoid is double texting or trying to get a woman's attention over and over again, unless you did something really bad like cheating on her. You can't persuade a woman that you are good boyfriend material or you are the one she needs. Every single step you take (after beeing rejected), is a huge step away from her and downfall for your dignity. The moment you sense she is avoiding you, leave her and dont take it personally.
3. Looks are not always a guy's best asset. Character and vibe is. A girl might notice your looks but when she talks with you she immediately walks away. I've seen that happening over and over again.
4. Be yourself! I can't stress this enough. Act and say just like you always do. It might scare off some women but those who stay are those who really appreciate you
5. Don't believe everything a woman says early in the process (1-3 months). I had this girl and at day 7 she wanted to book vacations for the summer, at month 1 she was talking about marriage, at month 2 she wanted us to find a name for our baby (which we didn't have) etc. At month 3 she walked away as fast as she came. You know why? Because those where her insecurities and as soon as I believed her and compromised, she turned down. Its hard to understand if a girl is insecure or not but I have one trick. If she seems overly attached early on the relationship, it's probably that! Secure and confident women are not pushy and attention whores.
6. Your mood and psychological state play a bigger role than you think. When I am in my blues and go out, I feel like the women can sense that. Approaching is very hard and disappointing. When I am on good mood, flirting comes very natural. That's why you need to concentrate on your well being and emotional issues instead of trying to look like a model and "learn what to say or how to act"
7. Don't exaggerate your appearance. I mean of course get a good haircut, wear some nice clothes and cologne but don't become a metrosexual insecure guy. I see guys with carefully shaped eyebrows, laser trimmed beards, huge muscles with zero fat, tattoos, piercings, expensive clothes, gold accessories etc trying to approach women and fail. A man who pays attention more in his looks than any other thing, is not a man that a woman can trust. Keep it simple.
8. Don't brag and advertise yourself. This is major turn off for women. I know guy that is very good looking (just like I explained above) and he keeps talking about himself and his achievements around women. He never allows himself to look vulnerable and always trying to undermine the rest of the guys. While he thinks he is getting women to like him, they secretly laugh at him. I know because I had a few of these girls talking to me about how ridiculous he is.
9. Not every woman that talks to you, wants you to be her boyfriend. Before NoFap, I really thought that every woman I talked was a potential fuck-buddy or gf! That is far from true. You will meet many female friends during your lifetime. Deal with it. If you have feelings for her but she sees you as a friend (aka friendzone), come clear as soon as you can. If the response is negative, walk away with pride. No hard feelings.
10. Don't be the "nice" guy. A nice guy and a good guy are very far apart. A nice guy tries to satisfy all the woman's needs and be nice and gentle in every situation. He puts himself down and sacrifices everything to please a woman. Some guys are being nice even though they are not in a relationship with that woman. Women clearly take advantage of them and end-up with another guy. The guy then gets shattered into pieces and wondering how can woman act like that especially after I provided everything for her?
11. The above doesn't mean that you should become an asshole. Simply be yourself. If a woman asks for a favor and is within normal limits, then do it. If she keeps taking advantage of you because you like her, no!
12. DONT FAP AND DONT WATCH PORN! It turns you into a stupid man with a creepy vibe.

These things are based on my experiences and opinions and might not be 100% true for everyone.

I would like to share with you something from my past.

When I was 21 I had a crush with this girl. At the beginning everything went well but at some point she started avoiding me. Instead of giving her up and I kept texting her trying to get her attention like a paranoid freak. This went for nearly a year. Towards the end she literally told me that she doesn't want to see me ever again! During that time I rejected 2-3 other women because I was chasing her, and I tried every "trick in the book".
What was the problem? That she didn't like me? NO! It was me, not accepting that she didn't like me. If I had the knowledge that I have today I would've walked away from the very first time she avoided me.

Last year (was 28) , I had a small relationship with another girl. Early on the relationship I told her to break-up, twice! She couldn't handle the rejection and we ended up together. She always stressed that all her ex-boyfriends couldn't leave her alone after break-up and always chased her (clearly she was feeding from that). 2-3 months later she started getting very cold against me as If i had done something wrong. After a week of not talking, she asked me to meet. When we met she told me that she want's to break up.
Well, instead of getting paranoid like i did in the past, I simply didn't talk to her again. I erased her from everything and literally never contacted her again. While I was heartbroken for a few weeks, I felt great soon after because I realized that I could handle rejection (unlike her and her ex-boyfriends) and that instead of spending months and months of humiliating myself (just like when I was 21), I simply stood my ground like man and moved on.

And this, gentlemen, is the most valuable rule of all. Learn from your mistakes and your experiences and never repeat the same!

 

As a female yes yes and yes! The whole creepy needy thing omg! I don’t think men understand how creepy other guys are . The amount of times a guys neediness also known as stalking has scared me is more than I can count. Most of the things you see men do in romance movies in real life would scare a female off! You may be a very nice guy but as women we deal with some of the creepiest things so don’t be that guy. And so right! Just because a woman is nice to you does not mean she wants to go to bed with you but that belief is common . In fact there was a study a few years ago that said that the majority of men think most female behavior towards them means they want sex. One that stood out was if you do a good job at work for your male boss he thinks it’s because you want to bed him omg! We also have no issues being friends with men that we are not attracted to and never will be. We treat them just like we treat our female friends and I think that’s why men get confused. Female friendships share a lot more intimacy emotionally than male to male relationships do. Because most men have not had that type of intimacy outside of romantic relationships they assume that the woman wants more. “She’s telling me she just wants to be friends but she treats me like a boyfriend.” Like a boyfriend to the man means she has deep conversations with him, she shows her emotions in front of him, she hugs him, laughs at his jokes, smiles, buys him gifts, wants to hang out etc but to women that’s friendship. Often then guys talk to other guys who encourage them to keep pushing because clearly those are signs of romantic interest.

And don’t believe anything anyone you are dating says early on man or woman. Look for actions that follow through on those words. If a person says they want marriage but refuses to commit to any kind of monogamous relationship in three months move on. I have learned by the way that often people do mean what they say early on in the relationship but as time goes on they change their minds.

And you can’t force a woman who is not interested to be. You also can’t control being friend zoned. If a woman wants to date you she will not be your friend for a year and not tell you. There is not going to be some grand overture like in the movies where she decides you were the right one all along. That’s not going to happen and even if it did do you want to be her second choice? Doubtful.