Sexual Orientation

Do you have the same thoughts about men when you see them or is it only in what you watch? You don't have to answer just something to think about. My wife had asked me similar questions based upon what o had been looking at. For myself the thought of it in reality did nothing for me and I had no want or need. It was just an escalation of always needing to see things more crazy than the month before.

 

Brother fell good that you made to 40. It is a milestone. Brother I want to quote here that:- " We are much stronger than what we think we are."

 

Tell me tomorrow how was your day.

 

First, I need to recommend an app called Fortify. If u can/will, check it out. Second, congratulations on your perseverance! It’s something to be proud of. You didn’t stopped fighting. Then, I wanted to say that everyone of us has the opportunity to be clean. Some of us have more time fighting, some of us started earlier, some of us failed before. But one thing that we all have in common is that we all need only one try to work. Also, this very moment is totally new, no matter how many times you have failed, you have never lived this moment before. One thing that helps me get my hopes up is to know that it’s a process. If I can’t beat the big boss, I can aim at my other smaller weakness , beating minions to get exp and evolve to be strong enough to beat the big boss. In real life, that works seeing what is it that you do that helps you get clean and what is it that it keeps you from winning. Focus on those things, those minions you have to beat to enhance your body, mind and, if you believe in it, soul. Exercise, studying about the problem, mindfulness, reading fiction and non-fiction, eating healthy.... the big boss is never totally alone. And the good news is that you have countless lives to beat the boss so you can learn all about his special attacks, weak spots , behavior... So, if you have more experience and knowledge about your big boss, use it against him. What we can do from all our failures is learning more about ourselves, our triggers, our own weak spots and change all of our lives, our habits so we can fortify ourselves, weaken the boss and one day, beat it. Because you only have to beat it once.

About your orientation, a little science: when we have an orgasm our brains activate the reward system. Our brain maps start remembering that and every time we use those same brain maps,they get stronger and stronger. Like trekking ! Imagine you are walking in the woods and no one has never walked that path before. After you walk on a path, the leaves get smashed and you leave a trail behind you. That trail gets stronger and stronger if you walk on it more and more. If a whole city population walks in the same path, the grass dies, some bushes and even trees dies as well and the trail becomes a dirt road. The good news are that if no one walks on that road anymore, it starts to become a path again, the bushes , grass, trees starts to grow again and if no one never walks on it again , after a while it will look like no one has ever walked on it. This is how your habits work. And even if you relapse once in a while, it would be like one person walking in the dirt road, it will not be enough to stop the growing of the plants. But making that an excuse to relapse it will make you walk more than once, so please avoid it as much as you can but don’t ever feel discourage or hopeless just because you relapsed once. Just get up and , if you can, start doing stuff that would be like watering that path so the plants can grow faster, like mindfulness and exercising (especially aerobic). Also, your brain is so used to feel pleasure after looking at that kind of porn that it starts to ask for it, to link the images to the pleasure and stops separating them.

I don’t know if I explained it clearly (English is not my first language) but if something wasn’t explained enough or if you have any questions please tell me so i can do better and try to answer them. i hope that this can help you at least a little bit.

 

Fortify has some great tools like awesome videos with lots of information about the science behind the addiction, habits, what to expect, tools to help you with your goals and help you and help you fight urges, almost everything about it. Also, they have a tracker that help you see and find patterns and other functions. There is a 7 day free trial! Try it and if it doesn’t help u, it’s ok to delete your account

 

There is a forum as well! And this kind of post is totally possible there. But you can’t add people and talk to them in private unless you have their email address, and that’s not allowed to show in the forums. So it’s harder to find AC’s. That’s the only downside and that’s why I came here to nofap.

 

Be careful about being dependent on other people helping you through this.

Other people can have great advice and ideas (Leondardosc95's post was great) but don't ever feel like you can't act until you find the 'right' answer out there on exactly what to do.

You have to try and work it out yourself, even if you have no clue where to begin. A lot of people get caught up in thinking about the problem for too long as a way to procrastinate.

Make a simple plan to improve now no matter how bad you think it might be
If it fails, think about why it failed and how you can do it differently next time. If it doesn't fail, think about how you might be able to expand and improve on it.

There is nothing wrong with having a goal of being attracted to regular females again.

 

That's very interesting about repeated behavior making a 'track' in your brain. It seems to me that every time I don't go down that familiar trail (PMO) then the desire for it gets weaker. I guess I am making a new 'track'. Repeated avoidance of addicting behavior would seem to make the new positive behavior a deeper more well established trail--one that is easier to walk down. Definitely something to think about.

 

quick answer to your sexuality:

you are straight, it is just the years of porn that have shaped your brain and thinking.

longer answer:
you seek weirder and weider forms of porn.

but it doesnt mean you are attracted to black dogs, aliens and wooden three legged chairs does it?