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Is this what men think?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by freedomrun, Aug 13, 2018.

  1. freedomrun

    freedomrun Fapstronaut

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    Does this food analogy sound about right?:)

    I feel like men think of all women as a pie. When they get into a committed relationship it’s like they take one slice of the pie and tell themselves “this is all I need”

    So they are sitting there with one slice of pie and they may enjoy it very much but for some reason they won’t stop looking at the rest of the pie. AND the rest of the other desserts.

    As women, I feel like we think “you have a slice of pie right in front of you! Why can’t you just enjoy it?”

    And women feel they themselves should be like a whole pie...and a bag of potato chips!

    But maybe this is just me....
    Now I’m hungry.

    But my point is, don’t commit to ONE slice of pie if you still want to eat the entire dessert table!!!
     
  2. The way I see it is every man is born with a sweet tooth.

    He grabs a piece of pie but naturally he wants the chocolate, cake, ice cream etc

    A man who can control himself will just eat his pie and be satisfied because he knows eating everything will be unhealthy.

    One who can’t will eat everything because he cannot control his urge and thinks he needs the sweets.

    For women It’s a bit different but I’m too lazy to type up another analogy rn
     
    Bobske, Action, ProtestPMO and 4 others like this.
  3. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Sorry, men are biologically programmed to look around and notice attractive women, whether they are in a relationship or not, whether they are happy with their relationship or not, and whether they would ever actually cheat or not. Men have a biological instinct to sleep with as many women as possible to maximize their reproductive success, but they also have a pair-bonding instinct. They are competing drives. Just because a man looks at another woman, it doesn't mean he's going to be unfaithful or is unhappy with his current relationship. Doesn't necessarily make him immature or evil.

    Women have competing instincts to mate with strong alphas, and they have the competing drive of pair-bonding and having a stable man provide and protect them and their children, which usually isn't an alpha. While some women may cheat on their man and have him raise the other man's child ("cuck"), that doesn't mean most women will! It's simply their instincts pursuing reproductive success. Just because a woman looks at another man, it doesn't mean she's going to be unfaithful or is unhappy with her current relationship. Doesn't necessarily make her immature or evil.

    Most men can happily commit to one slice of pie, but that doesn't mean they don't notice the rest of the pie!!!
     
    Arghy, Deleted Account, iaj and 6 others like this.
  4. Can't say. I haven't asked every man in the world about how he thinks about this issue.
     
    Deleted Account, Numb and freedomrun like this.
  5. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    Some women feel their husband looking at other women (ie Porn) IS unfaithful.
     
  6. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Yes, porn is often considered cheating, because it's sexual stimulation apart from the woman (some women have issues with plain M, too). I was referring to simply checking out a woman on the street, or in a restaurant, for example.
     
    freedomrun and TryingToHeal like this.
  7. There is a difference between noticing someone is attractive and looking at a woman performing a sex act for the purpose of self gratification (or looking at a said woman and fantasizing about sex). Noticing an attractive woman is a grocery store is just noticing. It's almost a factual thing. You can take the charge out of it. The world is fully stocked with attractive people. I won't speak for all men, but yeah, my brain is wired to notice when someone attractive comes into the area. But that's a trigger, it's not an action. The action is what comes next. For example, taking a look-see would be a wrong action. Going home from the store and masturbating to porn would be a wrong action.

    Remember, porn use has hijacked the brain and made an addict super sensitive to this noticing. My wife sees attractive guys all of the time but she's not spinning up fantasies about them. Maybe when she was younger and single but not now that she is married. It's not because she is a woman that she refrains from this. It's because she is not a porn addict.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
  8. Also comparing being in a committed relationship or married to food isn’t exactly a perfect analogy.

    Obviously with food there’s no reason to commit to just pie or just cake.
    You can have pie on Monday and cake on Tuesday. Nobody gets hurt except the desserts

    When you’re talking about love and commitment it’s way different than just looking at women or sleeping with multiple women.

    Sex and physical attraction is such a surface level thing. There’s nothing wrong with having multiple sexual encounters in that sense.

    It shouldn’t really be compared to love. You don’t commit to a person cause you just wanna fuck them and that means you shouldn’t be able to “have other women”.

    A man who loves his women will probably look at other women on a very surface level and appreciate their beauty and vise versa. Some maybe even not. That’s how far it should go. Does that mean he now loves her more than his SO? Obviously that would be the most silly assumption ever.
    Let’s be realistic here guys. People will look at other people they find attractive even if they are in love, married, whatever. A few second glance isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t mean anything.
    (Now if they spend signifanct amount of time fantasizing, etc. obviously that’s different)

    People who act out on it however either have a serious problem (porn addiction) or don’t actually love the other person. (Cheating, extensive fantasizing about other people)
     
  9. freedomrun

    freedomrun Fapstronaut

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    Competing drives, very interesting! Explains a lot. It just seems in my experience that the longer a man is staring at what else he wants, the more unhappy he becomes...
     
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  10. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    Yeah noticing someone attractive is different. But if that leads to fantasy about that person you're checking out, it could still be considered unfaithful. Noting attraction is different than thinking about the person sexually.
     
  11. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Very good point!
     
  12. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

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    This video will help you understand a lot:
     
  13. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    I think this video is absolute garbage.
     
  14. I agree with this. There is a difference between saying 'the rest of the pie looks delicious too and my mouth is starting to water', and 'I objectively acknowledge the rest of the pie but I'm satisfied with my piece of the pie and only my piece is delicious and what I want to eat my whole life'
     
    Deleted Account, Numb and Hopefulgirl like this.
  15. This is a great way to put it and describe it.
     
    Atlanticus likes this.
  16. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut
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    If a man looks at women like a pie, this is to say a woman is to temporarily ignore a desire for himself. After he eats, he will become hungry again.

    If he loves a woman, really knows her, he can have one love, a true love and never hunger again.

    Even loving that one slice of pie only won’t get rid of a desire for sweets, or hunger even, that is part of the process for men and learning, something forgotten now, or as I think ignored and feared now.

    Better to know that the partner is something more, I dont know if it is possible for all men however, even in best circumstances. I encourage you to learn about the experience of your partner.
     
  17. freedomrun

    freedomrun Fapstronaut

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    Yeah! Who is this guy? He has a leg fetish lol. Men and women aren’t sooo different! I think the best takeaway from this that men (& women) should practice self control.

    “It takes far more to arouse a woman than seeing naked men” lmfao!
     
  18. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Yeah the whole thing is B.S.
     
    Deleted Account and Numb like this.
  19. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

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    He is Dennis Prager.
    The kick ass assumption of the day.

    Oh yes, they are. If they weren't you would be able to answer all your questions by yourself. But you ask men's opinion. Yeah right, because we are soooo different.

    I sit on my bed and my gf walks outside my room naked. Guess what: I get an erection. Do you get wet when your SO does so? Hmmm... I don't think so.
    This video is about men's perspective on power of visuality. Taking a look in the comment section will surprise you. 99,9999999999999% of men agree with the video, including me, simply because it illustrates exactly what we believe. I don't know if you have ever been a man in the past, however you seem to completely nuke all the comment section of the video. It's absolutely right if you don't like the video, but trying to prove wrong all the men is not...
     
    Rehab101 and freedomrun like this.
  20. I agree the video is crummy. I also agree that men are more visual than women anecdotally. Yes, men seem to be the sufferers of porn addiction and women are more likely to have eating disorders. So what? Addiction is addiction. I think NoFap and YBOP are really on to the brain science of addiction and how to heal the brain, I really do. The thing is, that's just a small part of addiction. I mean, maybe if you're a young guy and you got "hooked" on porn and want to get your "confidence back", then do the 90 day reboot and go live the new you. That's great. But in real addiction, there are real deep wounds. Reprogramming the brain is just (a necessary) part of the solution. Most true addicts come from abusive or neglectful families. There are real childhood wounds that resulted in mal-adaptive coping behaviors like shame, secrecy, distrust of others, isolation, need to control, feeling like a victim, resentment, anxiety disorders, ADD, (bipolar) depression, the list goes on. Most of the guys I know in SAA have been sexually abused at some point in their childhood. I know I check all of the boxes I mentioned.

    I also think there is a peril when going down the science rabbit hole to try figure out "men and women" when the real focus for the recovering addict should be figuring out oneself. Getting to know myself was one of the ways I framed my recovery. I really had no idea who I was.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     

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