Time to walk away??

Thanks Ghostwriter, yes I do keep a very close eye on that, he is not tech savvy at all so I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even know how to do that. There are adult restrictions on his phone and I have access to his emails. I'm still very vigilant and will be for a long time to come.

 

Thank you AnonymousAnnaXOXO that is so right and he said himself it's a gimmick so I'm sure he understands. I'm also going to delete mine, I had it for years before I met him it was a fad to start with then I couldn't be bothered with it, I only really started using it again when he got it last year before I was aware of the PA . I was aware at the time or got the impression he had to seek attention from other women from his Facebook which is also long gone.
That book sounds great, I will be ordering it today.
I really appreciate all the help and advice I get on here, it makes me feel not so alone in this and understood. Its something that if you haven't been through it yourself its very hard to fully understand the hurt and devastation.
Today I feel like I'm just coming down from 5 days of sheer panic, anxiety, anger, confusion....I've woken and like I've been hit by a truck, whole body aching for no reason as all I've done is sit around and research, research and look for answers.

 

Another update: I've given him some you tunes to watch on dr Doug Weiss helping her heal, hes watched them and might be finally getting it. I've now ordered his DVDs. He is home now and extremely sick in bed with what I think is proper flu (not common cold) . I've just checked his phone and found a heap of looking up rhonda rousey from just before he's had this latest revelation. Porn sub or what?? Please help out here @GhostWriter or any one. Hes in no fit state to go over this right now, I get that, but given the way hes come to these realizations when he is I'm going to ask to look at his searches and question it. I'm back in a state of panic.

 

He really doesn't have an easy time to wake up to I'm in absolute crisis mode, hysterical, crying, I'm not sure how much more I can handle, I'm just not everything he wants or needs, I cant do it.

 

Thank you had a lengthy discussion, I've found other stuff but definitely expressed I'm not comfortable with it hopefully he will never look her up again!!! So disalysioned right now.

 

Checked his phone under is knowledge, found a Google search, nude wife from the day after he left the state, has no knowledge of it apparently or can't remember, can't explain it don't know why it happened but adinent there is no problem wtf!!!!! Seriously and wondering why I'm going out of my mind again!!

 

I am not going anywhere near that bed tonight where that dirty pervert is lying, still want to fight don't want to end it feel I have no other choice, where do I go to from here???

 

Boundaries not use yet but will work on those, just deleted snapchat

 

Tonight I actually just called him a dirty pervert that I can't deal with.

 

I was soooooo angry at the time and very literally shaking and pulling my hair out quite literally, biting myself didn't know where to deflect my anger. Out of control rage that I was trying to contain

 

Oh lucky you, I've realised I got no where to start with and the anger felt tonight was nothing I've ever delt with, while being somewhat in control it absolutely consumed me and I tried to control but didn't know where to deflect so I kind of turned it back on myself by pulling my own hair and just biting myself.