Giving up, my thoughts in the low

I gave up NoFap for a week or so. All the usual side effects came back: loss of motivation, lower energy, asocial mindset and so on. But alot of time i also feel this kind of joy i cant imagine ever experiencing during a streak. Freedom to enjoy, to be me, to not fight 23h a day against my drives like while rebooting. And i cant say that it would be better after rebooting. As far as i understand fighting never actually stops. Whats the point of being more productive if i am also going to be miserable for the rest of my life. And relationships with women cant be the goal either, they never made me happy. There was always some stupid fucking game i was forced to play while in relationship. Sure, its a compromise, life is a struggle either way, but that doesnt say which way is the right one.

Someone said discipline is freedom. Nofap gives you freedom on one level, fap gives me freedom on another level, i dont have to struggle with urges most of the time nor do all the stupid shit men do to get attention from women. Who can say which freedom is bigger or better? My mental space is free to flow anywhere.

These are just my thoughts at this moment. Its not an objective evaluation of what is best choice.

 

I thought about it, but i never gave it a serious shot. Its like an intermediary step. I had fantasies before when it was harder to get porn, i think i would return to that. I will try that at some point.