SOs: Betrayal Trauma or Codependency?

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PTSD and Betrayed Wives
Formerly wives of sex addicts (or unfaithful husbands) were beaten up by counsellors, and ‘support groups’ (not unlike the reception the Vietnam veterans received on returning home) who labelled them ‘co-dependents’ and even ‘co-addicts’.

Today, in the US, the word is finally getting out that wives whose husbands betray them often find themselves suffering the symptoms of PTSD. With the dissemination of that knowledge, we are beginning to find support, sympathy and encouragement to explore the best possible treatment models for our trauma.

However, most of the rest of the world is lagging behind the US.

98% of the nearly 600 respondents to the 2014/2015 Survey of Wives of Sex Addicts* say they feel they have suffered symptoms of trauma, PTSD or depression following their husband’s disclosure. If you are being told that you are crazy, controlling, a co-dependent or co-addict, think again.

There’s every possibility that you’re a wounded soldier, looking for support and affirmation.

Not that you and I are perfect. Not that we won’t have things to work on, in time. But for now, let’s start with the fact that we are deeply wounded, and frightened – possibly even terrified – as some survey respondents put it.

The purpose of this blog (and the book that spawned it) is to help promote women’s inner healing, in God, from betrayal trauma.

All are welcome in this hospital.
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Taken from:
https://beyondbetrayal.community/trauma-and-betrayal/

Beyond Betrayal by Lisa Taylor, endorsed by both Marsha Means and Dr. Barbara Steffens. Also a couples workbook available.
(Disclaimer: This is faith based.)
https://beyondbetrayal.community/book/

*I have not read this myself yet, but it is next on my list. If anyone has, please post your opinions.*

 

Patrick Carnes is excellent for the PA. It's just that sometimes the SO gets left behind or not as much care is taken as it should be for us. That is one of the reasons for this thread.


We did a 30 day hard reboot and it did wonders for him. It was hard at first but it turned out to be one of the very best things for both of us. We are thinking of doing another because he has gotten stagnant in his recovery. He is still in recovery and attending his 12 steps, no danger of reset/relapse, but he's just kind of going through the motions and sex has gotten robotic again. So we talked about it and we both think another 30 days hard reboot may be in order to help get him back on track, as well as some very in depth recovery work for him. He even mentioned 60-90 days. We will go 10-14 days with nothing, then will probably add in karezza for the deep connection that we both crave and really enjoy during reboot.

 

https://bloomforwomen.com
Thanks to @Qnb42078 for sharing this! There are many free courses and assessments as well as paid content from trained betrayal trauma counselors.

www.btr.org Thanks to @TryingHard2Change and others for sharing this. The trauma counselors here are trained apsats mentioned in the first posts on this thread.

 

www.awiferedeemed.blogspot.com My Recovery From My Husband's Pornography Addiction

FYI: She is a person of faith and mentions it often in her blog but she is very honest about her feelings during her journey and her experiences and advice could be quite helpful to most SOs.

 

Contributed from @AngelofDarkness

https://theinstituteforsexualhealth...rtners-and-spouses-impacted-by-sex-addiction/

Thirteen Dimensions of Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma (SAIT) among Intimate Partners and Spouses Impacted by Sex Addiction-Compulsivity©:

1. Discovery Trauma
2. Disclosure Trauma
3. Reality-Ego Fragmentation
4. Impact to Body and Medical Intersection
5. External Crisis and Destabilization
6. SAIT Hypervigilance and Re-Experiencing
7. Dynamics of Perpetration, Violation and Abuse (SAIP)
8. Sexual Trauma
9. Gender Wounds and Gender-Based Trauma (GBT)
10. Relational Trauma and Attachment Injuries
11. Family, Communal and Social Injuries
12. Treatment-Induced Trauma
13. Existential and Spiritual Trauma

The link expands on each of these dimensions in depths.

 

https://partnerhope.com/

"Here’s the thing about Betrayal Trauma.

It makes you feel like you are losing your mind. It puts you on an emotional rack
and pulls you in opposite directions until you are begging for mercy or you break
and ricochet over to one of the extremes just to find some relief...

...Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse’s
sexual behavior. Blow number one is the gut punch of betrayal; a breathtaking breach
in trust that changes your relationship in permanent ways. Blow number two is the
shocking realization that your partner has been extravagantly and expertly lying and
manipulating reality in order to cover up their behaviors. These blows smash into your
heart and in an instant plunge you into a whole new world."

 

bump for those that might need this

 

@Worndown40 here is a thread that may help you.

 

https://www.btr.org/how-abusive-men...book_page&utm_medium=Betrayal Trauma Recovery

 

https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2019/08/how-betrayal-trauma-therapy-can-help-wives-of-porn-addicts/

FYI, this is a faith based website so will find some of that in this article, however that is not the main focus. It is a great contrast of the codependency model of treatment vs the betrayal trauma model.