Just completed 90 days - here's my Top 10 Tip List

Happy New Year. I just completed 90 days today of NoFap. That is no PMO, PM, MO or M. I started this process in October 2013 (I posted this in January 2015) and it took 3 attempts, with many false starts in between each attempt. I have struggled with MO and PMO since my youth and I am in my late 40s now. I have finally developed personal patterns and techniques that are highly beneficial, which I would like to share with you. Most of this is not new on NoFap, but it is worth sharing again. Good things are worth sharing again and again:

1) Accountability Partner.
For the 1st attempt I made it 55 days and the 2nd attempt I made it 65 days. On the 3rd attempt I found a NoFap accountability partner which was hugely important to helping me, particularly during the 1st 60 days. I contacted him every day for the 1st 60 days or so. Thank you accountability partner.

2) K9 porn-blocking software.
I have used various software and systems for over two years and this is the best software I have found in the market. And, it’s free. My advice is to make a very complicated password and then go put it in the trunk of your car or someplace difficult to get to. Or give it to your accountability partner. Here’s the deal – there are times when your will is strong and you don’t need porn-blocking software. But there will be times when your will is weak, or a sexual desire will come out of nowhere, and unconsciously you may access porn or sensual imagery or text. K9 is for those moments, which can creep up anytime. I am planning to keep k9 on my computer, because it’s the right thing to do.

3) Make vows.
I made a promise to myself not to use other computers in the house that are not mine and do not have k9. I have a “sacred place” in the house where I will move our 2nd laptop computer if I am feeling urges. I made a vow that once I move the computer there, I cannot touch it.

4) Get a counter.
I created a 90 day grid using Excel. Once I completed a NoFap day it went from red to green all the way to 90 days. If there was a trigger or issue on a certain day, I would also mark it to see how long it took to get back to a stable mind pattern. The counter on NoFap is a good tool for this as well.

5) Read NoFap.
Read all you can. Find out what works for people. Read the failures. Read the successes. Go directly to this site. Follow threads that connect and help you. Although I did not post much on NoFap, I read a lot and it became a healthy substitute for P.

6) Trigger Inventory.
I needed to know and understand all my triggers during this process. I had to develop a strategy for each one. I had some big ones, which I discussed with my accountability partner.

7) Failure is an option.
I had two big upsets during this process and countless little ones. I eventually got really sick and tired of starting over. The 1st 6 weeks or so were very painful for me, and I got tired of repeating that period. You will learn from your failures and mistakes. And, you will come back to NoFap even if you don’t think you will. I did.

8) Connect with your higher self.
There is a person inside you who does not want you addicted to F or P. This side of you is evolved and has no addiction. He/She is highly spiritual and connected with God. Remember this side of you when you want to access your K9 password or before going into a situation that may be a trigger. He/She got you to NoFap. This side of you is very patient and hopeful for you. This part of you is your best you. Thinking of this part of me was very helpful, as I knew that part of me set up the k9 software and I respected his decision.

9) Meditate.
I can’t speak highly enough about the benefits of meditation. I have meditated for awhile now, but when I combined meditation with NoFap, it became a powerful combination. You can ask me more about this as I am happy to share.

10) Keep on keeping on.
At 90 days I am ready for the next 90 days. I am getting my goals together and will send them to my accountability partner. Life is still hard and I do not have super powers, but I am changing for the better.

Additional Tips worth noting.

11) Progress is not linear.
I find that progression is more wave like than linear. First comes a buildup of urges and as those urges are ignored or overcome progress is made. Then once again urges build up, are overcome, and progress is made once again. It's much like exercise. You work out, then while recovering the growth occurs. At least that is how I seem to experience it. (From Octonacho, in a response in this post.)

12) Keep your hands above your belt.
This one sounds obvious but was a great "trick" for me particularly in the beginning of NoFap. I identified situations and times of the day that were potential issues. If my mind got aroused during these situations, I allow myself to have this feeling; however, I am sure to keep my hands above my waistline. It's a simple but powerful tip and it will help change your thought and behavior patterns. I notice I still have powerful thoughts, but with this practice they drift away quicker. Quick poking around down there!

A follow up note on this - I have found this to be a learned behavior that provides a great benefit to the entire re-boot process. You will have sensual thoughts (for sure) when you get established on the NoFap path. Just keep your hands above the waistline - and these thoughts will begin to pass in a natural way. This tip is so simple and obvious, but its one of the best weapons in the entire arsenal.

13. Learn to love withdrawls.
William posted "Get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals" on his thread back in 2013. When I was researching NoFap I found sage advise from this posting. The idea of "learning to love withdrawls" allowed me to re-think what I was going through. Instead of craving stimulus I began to view this as a withdrawl, which was taking me closer to what I ought to be. An urge became a blessing at that moment, which is really high-level thinking. (There are also some great links on William's thread.) Another way to phrase this, "Become comfortable with being uncomfortable."

http://www.nofap.com/forum/showthread.php?2402-Get-educated-get-tools-and-learn-to-love-withdrawals


I want the best for everyone one of you. If someone is struggling, please reach out to me via NoFap email. We are here to help each other.

ScottFree

 

Hi TheSpiteful,
I have received a couple email/comments regarding meditation. I found a practice that is based on "raja yoga" that has individual and group meditations, plus a daily practice. There is no cost to do the practice, but I would prefer to share the info with you privately, as I don't want this thread to de-evolve into a discussion on the pros/cons of a certain mediation practice or spiritual path. There are so many ways to meditate and I feel very lucky to have found something that works for me. Please shoot me a private message- that goes with anyone. Again, I'm happy to share information with you privately. SF

 

Hi everyone that has posted. Thank you for your comments. I feel very humbled and blessed for your support. I felt some triggers come on today, so I know even after 90 days I am still new to this journey of recovery. If anyone needs support, please feel free to email or private message me. There is a lot of work to do for all of us. SF

 

Hey ZenBound,
Great name by the way. K9 Rocks. I did have to give up google image search. But now everytime I come to a site or image search and the k9 blocker shows up...I smile. I think that it is better than looking at something that would be a trigger! I too returned for brief moments to images via google image search...I struggled with that for a long time...even with other blocking software. K9 fixed that quickly. I found when a blocker is installed...it helps with the re-wiring. You forget about the searches and the sites and the URLs eventually. And then at a later date...when a memory pops into my head...I'll type something in and K9 page shows up. SF

 

Thanks KyleJohhnson15.

 

Thanks SBoy49, I might want to add a couple more tips to the thread:

- Progress in not linear.
This is per your input above. I concur and believe that progress is not linear in any self-evolution endeavor. There certainly is more to say about this and I would like to hear what others have to say as well.

- Keep your hands out of your pants.
I recently read this on another post and I think it is completely valid for anyone struggling with NoFap. If you can re-wire your mind not to go down there..then you will stop. Perhaps at that new point in time, your "tool" becomes a bit more sacred and not the "go to" place it once was. Re-learning not to touch myself down there at night and/or in the shower, etc. was an important step in this journey and should not be given short-shrift.

I would like to hear what others have to say about "progress not being linear" - I think we should all think ponder upon that during this process. I certainly will as I encounter the 2nd phase (90-180 days).


SF

 

I'm posting a response to Goa here to keep this thread going as an attempt consolidate some of my thoughts.

From Goa:Thanks! Looks like you and I are in a similar position. How are you compared with where you were 95 days ago?


Hi Goa, great question. This is a question I have not thought enough about. In terms of behaviors, 90 days seems like forever ago. The biggest change is that my outlet options have narrowed. There were so many unhealthy behaviors that remained open options for me a mere 90 days ago. As I mentioned, P, PM, PMO, MO, and M are no longer options. My mind doesn’t view them as options; however, I do still feel the triggers and the effects of the triggers. I am feeling uncomfortable right now. But now, either I have to deal with this feeling or change my mindset and condition.

Right now, my mind wants a fix, it just doesn’t quite know where to go or what to do – so this is still relatively new for me. In some ways, I thought at 90 days the Gods would bless these actions and life would change. Well, it took 35 years to get here, so it’s not going to change overnight. 90 days is just 3 months into this process. It’s a great beginning that took many, many attempts to get here. There is still work to do, but I am immensely grateful that I am here. Life is full of beginnings. Thank you Goa. SF

 

Octonacho - that is freakin' brilliant. That insight was needed and seems right on with what I'm experiencing.

 

Hi Piogoretti, thank you for your comment. Like Naikolai said, we all agree with you that it is not an option - anymore. I don’t even consider this a 90 day streak; it is as if the option of failure does not, cannot exist for me at this point in life. But this mind-set was built on the many, many steps – little 2 and 3 week streaks, little successes of several days and weeks and months in a row that ended in relapse. At the time, I saw those as options. Now they are not options. But, I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for what I perceive as these failures. These failures allowed me to be in the gutter and realize I don’t want to be there. Each of us has to come to this conclusion on our own. What kicked me in the butt were my 55 day and 65 day streaks…which ended in relapse. At that point, I got an accountability partner and got K9 installed. And setting out once again with a firm will to address these urges day by day – to create a positive destiny and timeline.