Getting rid of pmo––and the godforsaken furry fandom

Hello everyone, my name is Theosan, you can just call me Theo.

To make my story short, I was a part of the furry fandom for my entire puberty. I slowly indulged more and more into its sexual habits. Then around my 21st I became a christian, had about 30-40 days of purity before falling back into my most painful addiction—pornography. That was in 2013. Now I'm 26, and I am still struggling with it, and am already receiving help irl from people around me.
"You can get a man out of the jungle, but you can't get the jungle out of the man" is a quote that I'd like to put here for very obvious reasons. It is so very difficult to get the images out of my brain. I want to quit so badly, and I even see myself slowly sliding downhill from when I first became a christian. The worst thing is that it has consumed my sexual attraction to mere drawings and stories of... well, let me withhold stimulating your fantasy. I feel guilty because of it, but I know Christ is my saviour. Yet still I trample the thing he did for me by going back every now and then.

You may know that the furry fandom consists mostly of gay people. During my years, I have grown into liking gay eroticism, but I know it is not in my nature to like it. Better said: I am not gay, and I do not want to go that way any longer. I want a wife and kids, but am also ready to face the fact that pornography has ruined that chance for me, and am willing to take up responsibility.

In quitting porn I've had some breakthroughs. I have become stronger in my personality and words come to me more easily. Starting this year I've had about 30 days of no-pmo and it was heaven on earth. I want to have another strike like that, and want to work towards freeing myself, with the power God has given me, from the burden that I lay upon myself by doing pmo. I greatly enjoy being accountable to someone in my church, and he is very gracious and patient with me. I hope that on this forum, I may find some keys to unlock the doors of freedom—or better, break the iron bars that hold me in my pmo-prison.

Anyway, let me say: I AM IN TO WIN, and will participate in this reboot!

 

Thank you Septimus! From everything you say, this is exceptionally true:

I know that my prayer life was dwindling, and I have to keep investing in it to fight against this wretched sin of mine. The idea you give of giving up the images of your mind:

may be powerfully specific, and I will try to implement that in my prayer life. Thanks again and blessings.

 

It's good to read that you are discovering what it means to be devoted to God. Prayer is such a helpful thing to do; just speaking out loud the things you struggle with is good or you, but then to know that God's ear draws near to those who seek him, also means that he will answer the prayer. Though I believe just devotion to him isn't a guarantee for success, it is also being obedient to what he says. Good luck, Nebu!