90 Days Hard Mode Story.

Hey Guys, today I am on my 92 day. Well I started this journey because I had some issues which are common among the PMO addicts but also because in my case the condition was much more severe. I think I have a highly addictive nature. It doesn't take me long to get addicted to things. Before starting nofap this was my condition:
1) I was in deep depression ( a few more months like that and I think I would have either gone mentally retarded or commit suicide)
2) My immunity was so weak that this year in Feb, one evening after taking bath, I suddenly became ill. Next day I had fever, my whole body was in pain and become stiff, and there was a headache which was the worst part of this illness. It was like someone hit you with a hammer on the head and then few seconds of relief and then again the same hit. This went on continuously on and on until I took a strong painkiller. That stopped the pain for a few hours and then again it used to start.Whenever I had to lie down it used to take me at least 15-20 seconds to slowly adjust myself and then lie down such was the pain in most parts of my body, and the same for getting up from bed. After 2-3 days when it didn't stop, I had to be admitted in the hospital. Doctors ran many 8-10 types of different tests on me but couldn't tell what was actually the problem. I was very confused then but now I know exactly why it happened. I had till that time drained myself of vital seminal fluid that there was nothing left to maintain immunity and fight diseases. And then when during winter I caught cold, my body didn't had enough fuel and vitality to resist it and even a simple fever and cold became so severe and tortured me really bad for days.
3) My depression was so severe with social anxiety, constant fear, nervousness, guilt of the past etc that it was completely out of my control. I used to feel that I can become completely insane any minute now. Whenever I took my car/ bike out, i was very scared that somebody will hit me or maybe I will hit somebody or something wrong will happen to me.
Even while crossing the road I used to be scared.
4) Now at this point I was totally unable to sleep at night. It used to take me at least 1 hour to fall asleep. Or sometimes I had to stare at screen till late until I fell asleep.
5) Most of the time I used to overthink everything.
6) It was very difficult for me to make eye contact with anybody and even more difficult to maintain it.
7) Besides PMO, I was also addicted to smoking, drinking, coffee, tea, junk food, you tube, etc.
8) During the day I had very little energy and I felt sleepy and lazy most of the times.
9) I had lost interest in everything and nothing seemed to make sense and create meaning for me. I didn't felt like doing anything because nothing could excite me or gave me any joy.
10) My dopamine system was seriously damaged and nothing except porn and masturbation could give me pleasure.
11) I had PIED( porn induced erectile dysfunction) which I realized when I tried to have sex with a real woman. It really scared the shit out of me but at the moment I moment I didn't know that it was because of excessive masturbation.
12) Excessive porn and masturbation had a deep effect on my mind. I started seeing every female from sex perspective, like they are objects. Its very much true when they say that porn objectifies females and makes you do the same. Whenever I saw a pretty girl, I used to start fantasizing that I'm having sex with her and doing all sorts of nasty things to her. I just couldn't help It. And what makes me feel sick now is that I considered it normal back then.

I did 5 streaks and relapsed every time ( the longest being 24 days) before starting my current streak. But every time I decided to relapse I promised myself that I won't feel any guilt after the relapse because I knew that guilt was completely useless. So it was very simple for me, whenever I thought I can't control the urges anymore I told myself: go and masturbate, smoke your heart out, watch any nasty porn you want, enjoy it as much you want, don't think unnecessary thoughts, do it continuously for 2 days with full satisfaction, and then reset your streak and start again.
In the beginning making it 2 weeks seemed like a very difficult job. Then 21 days challenge seemed very hard, and as time passed I thought if I can drag myself somehow till 90 days wouldn't it be incredible. I knew it was possible but it was hard for my weak mind to even truly believe it. I was able not to break my current streak because I finally said to myself that I would rather slit my throat rather than relapsing this time. I really needed something very strong and extreme to not relapse and surprisingly it worked for me.
SO my benefits and changes after all this time are:
1) On the basis of how much better I'm feeling, I would say my depression has 80-85 percent healed. There is just some part of it left which doesn't really bother me much. And I can control it at will.
2) Confidence has increased a lot.
3) People respect me more and the ones who used to dominate me don't dare so anymore.
4) Until I was retaining my semen I started to feel pure Alpha and dominating. It's just because of wet dreams it ejaculated a little and i can feel some difference but the sexual essence or energy is still there.
5) After just a few weeks I noticed that when I went to bed to sleep at night, i started falling asleep just writhing 10 minutes. I felt so amazing and for the first time I realized the importance and value of sleep. You can have millions of dollars, but if you can't sleep at night then you'll neither have energy during day not happiness in life. The feeling was equal to if I had received a billion dollar private jet.
6) I became disciplined and determined.
7) My testosterone went up to incredible levels.
8) More self control.
9) More Peace of mind.
10) Controlled Aggression. But sometimes I felt so much aggression and energy that i felt like ripping someone's head off or breaking a wall with my bare hands. And that is always dangerous and must be controlled. And this was on a vegetation diet. I wonder how much Aggression I would have if I went to the old non veg diet.
11) There was no more fear of any type or of anyone.
12) Before nofap I used be scared to get out of my house but now whenever I got out I preferred walking and started walking slowly, consciously, calm with chest out and head up.
13) I was very comfortable to talk to anybody with strong eye contact. In fact I noticed many times that some people felt nervous and shy talking to me.
14) Increased Focus.
15) My muscles became tighter and heavier.
16) Body use to feel hot most of the time, and needed cold baths at least 4 times a day because I was not used to such body heat. That became an advantage because whereas few months back I caught high fever due to taking bath with hot water now I was taking ice cold baths multiple times a day and fell in love with it.

WELL these are the changes that I started feeling once I crossed 60 days. Now I have come to point where I have no more fear of relapse. I have little urges sometimes which i am able to easily control. I have pranayama, meditation, running and cold bath in my daily routine. I have quit smoking, hard drink, coffee, sugar, overeating. I used to study and watch videos on spirituality but after nofap I'm constantly practicing yoga and meditation, which I had no confidence that i can do it for a long time back then.

Also, I'm shifting from nofap to Brahmacharya. I mean nofap is awesome, no doubt about that but dude when there is accumulated semen in by body and I have control over the urges that is a whole another level of Alpha. Now that I have the confidence and determination It's no more just abstaining from PMO but now I'm focusing on Semen Preservation and Sexual Transmutation. And after coming this far now my first long term goal of nofap is 1 full year of reboot. Only after completing 365 days of no PMO I can consider that my brain have rewired and rebooted from the effects of porn and masturbation. Now whenever I look at a girl, I see a human and not just breasts, ass, and imagine her naked body. I have complete control over the sexual thoughts that once used to dominate my mind. Before nofap sex, relationship and marriage was everything. I used to think that what If I don't find a girlfriend, never get married, a decent job and blah blah blah. One of the main reasons of me going into deep depression is that I became way too serious about my life and career in particular. I used to think that If I don't get a high paying salary job, a big ass car, expensive house etc. then my life would be meaningless and no one will respect me and love me. I was not living with passion, ambition but more with constant Fear. That was pure fucking beta shit man. I will still work to achieve massive success but there is no more fear of failure and rejection. If one thing doesn't works I will move to something else. Its as simple as that. I mean come on guys look at what we have done to ourselves in this 21 century. Most men are just scared needy insecure addicted piece of shit who are desperate for sex and other brain stimulants. We need to understand that through nofap, this is our golden chance to take back our vitality, health, strength, intelligence, and most importantly our masculinity.
Have no doubts, nofap definitely works. And the longer you do it the more will be the benefits. And If you are crazy person like me who can't live an average life and want to live their full genetical potential then spend at least a few next years as a complete celibate, study about Brahmacharya. It doesn't only means to be celibate but also to have a complete lifestyle of a god. And as exterme it may sound, its actually pretty simple and just requires the right attitude. Nofap is truly the best decision of my life.

 

Nahi bro. Abhi ek saal poora Karna hai. And besides, I need you brothers whom I can constantly interact and take guidance from.

 

I didn't feel a flatline because like I said I was already in depression so i cant say what does a flatline feels like and that became an advantage to me because with every passing week I just kept feeling better. And yes I also felt irritated and aggressive many times. To that I'd say you gotta keep patience man and be positive no matter what. Everything will pass.

 

I have started using ayurvedic supplements only after my wetdream for its treatment. And I personally hate the idea of any other chemical medication. And after like 1 month of nofap I didn't faced any small problem like cold or something cuz your immunity also goes up and you can enjoy cold showers evryday. The hardest part was to be patient at the beginning and waiting for the results, which I think is completely useless. The benefits will come but in their own time. Till then you gotta take your mind off PMO and even nofap and engage in some other mental or physical endeavour. Cuz nofap is not something which you have to DO but something you gotta abstain from( ie. PMO). So don't count days that'll make u anxious. Keep a tracker and that's it.

 

Ashwagandha, white musli powder, shatavar powder. At night before bed with warm milk. But dont exceed the quantity. 2-5 grams each.