Trying to gain back my SOs trust

Day 211.

We got our eldest to stay at her grandparents last night to try and get some better sleep, in case the youngest had a bad night again. Fortunately she had a much better night, despite her spots still looking bad.

Because of that, we had another lazy day today, watching a film and going for Sunday dinner at Tans parents.

This evening we watch nightmare before Christmas with the kids and then I did some work on my training portfolio for my work. And now I've just finished my exercise and we are getting ready for (hopefully) some sleep.

Thanks @Kenzi and @eash860531 for you kind words, hopefully she's over the worst of it.

 

Day 212.

Last night wasn't bad, in terms of the youngest only waking once in the night, once we got her to sleep that is. Fortunately, I think she is on the mend fingers crossed.

Today I'm back at work so I'm pretty busy, the weekend never lasts long enough...

Both mine and Tans exercise is on track again, and Tan is doing an awesome job, and we are back to eating healthy. Sometimes we find it hard to be motivated to cook good, healthy food when tired, but tonight we are cooking fish, which I'm looking forward to.

We have a friend's wedding to go to on Saturday, so we're both excited about that.

 

I like couscous but I'm not really sure @Tan3110 does.

 

Day 213.

Yesterday was pretty good considering we had work. We got all the work done by early afternoon so had time for paperwork (woohoo!).

We were super organised last night. Tan got our food ready before the kids went to bed so we had time to make all of the lunch boxes for today, make all the breakfasts and had time to work out as well (we usually make all the lunches on the morning). So this morning was a bit more relaxed.

Tonight we're having fish cakes which are amazing with sweet potato fries (homemade, not deep fried), so looking forward to that.

I've had feedback from my training manager for the work I completed on my training portfolio which was good so I will try and finish that off tonight (I've got until March to complete a portfolio that usually takes 1 year...). I feel optimistic about getting it done. When it's completed I get a pay rise, if I don't complete it, I get a pay cut, so that's pretty good incentive to get it sorted!

Generally I'm feeling quite positive at the moment, and looking forward to the coming weeks.

 

Day 214.

Yesterday went well, work was good and I had my appraisal which went on for an hour and a half covering a lot of stuff from the death of my mam to my performance and involvement at work. But it went okay considering.

Food was good, courtesy of Tan, and we managed to get a good work out in, and I did a bit of work on my portfolio before bed.

In the night, however, our youngest woke at around 2:30 am and remained awake, on and off, until around 4:30, so both Tan and I are knackered today.

My dad is round tonight for his weekly meal visit. So we're having pasta, but don't get an opportunity for a good work out, just a light version.

 

Cheers, we thought we had the separation anxiety sorted at night, it just that she's been unwell. But last night was rubbish.

It's difficult to do the controlled crying as her sister sleeps next door to her so is disruptive. I think sometimes we just try and do the easiest thing and appease her, while probably making a rod for our own backs...

 

Day 215.

Yesterday was good, it was my friends last day at work before he gets married at the weekend, and I did a speech for him in the lab and gave him some presents. I usually don't like public speaking too much, but it wasn't too bad.

My dad was round for tea last night, and it went the same as usual, nice food, bit of talking then bed.

Tan has been triggered a bit recently by my friends frequently inviting me out for "boys" nights, which I totally understand. I haven't gone to any, and hate Tan to feel anxious about it, especially when I told one of them about our situation. He is still trying to get me out for a drink with the "lads".

It's difficult for Tan as well, because she ends up being left with the kids and I would come back unable to help usually. I think things would be different now, and I would be more responsible with regards coming home drunk, but it obviously still triggers her, and I respect that.

Tonight Tan is on a late again, and I'm gonna try and do some work on my portfolio again, hopefully this time the youngest won't come out in a chicken pox rash again...

 

Day 218.

We've had a great weekend. We had some friends and family around for a curry and a beer on Friday, which went well.

Yesterday we went to our friends wedding after shopping on the morning, and it was great, although insanely expensive drinks (though that didn't stop me from getting pretty merry!). We had an awesome night with tons of laughs and enjoyed celebrating with the happy couple. It made me feel good.

Today we've had a pretty lazy day, we got up late (ish) had Sunday dinner at Tans parents with the kids, and tried our best to chill before we get back to the grind again tomorrow. I can't say I'm particularly looking forward to work...

 

Day 219.

Feeling good today. We got a good night's sleep last night, the youngest slept right through, yet somehow we still feel tired this morning.

Work has been good this morning, not too busy but I've had plenty of people commenting on how good my dancing was on Saturday at the wedding (well, maybe not quite...).

Tan and I got a good workout done last night before bed, and my legs feel a bit fatigued today when im walking about. It makes me feel I put in a good effort. Working out with Tan definitely motivates me further.

 

Day 220.

Yesterday went well. Work went pretty good and I felt pretty positive. The youngest was a bit difficult last night, though she has an excuse (she has diarrhoea which has left her pretty sore). She did sleep well after midnight though so can't complain too much.

This morning went okay, though we had a bit of an argument about me not listening properly. It is something I am trying to do better, and has always been one of my shortcomings, but I am working on being better.

Tan is on a late tonight, so I will try to communicate as well as I can what I'm doing with my time to try and alleviate some of her triggers. I have work to do and my workout, so plenty to keep me busy.

 

Day 221.

Work was good yesterday, the section I'm on at the moment usually stresses me out but I'm managing to keep on top of it and keep focussed on what's going on, which could mean I'm in a better head space at the moment.

Tan had a late shift yesterday, so, when I got the kids down (the youngest was challenging again), I tried to keep her updated on what I was up to, with the intention of easing her mind. Tan was feeling triggered and upset already though, so although it likely did help somewhat, she was already feeling bad.

Our youngest was difficult to get to sleep last night, and I had to resort to baby minister music to soothe her (which usually never works), but she was screaming about 20 minutes later, so I calmed her down downstairs, she cuddled into my shoulder, then took her back up with not too much problem. At 11pm, she was up again until about 1:30am. After feeding and changing and various other things we decided to just put her back to bed and leave her a while. She did scream periodically for around half an hour, but eventually settled to sleep until about 8:15am (almost unheard of).

This morning Tan slept in while I got myself ready and our eldest fed, and we seemed to part happily, with a kiss. Our goodbyes usually indicate how my day will be, and so far its been okay.

 

Day 223.

The past couple of days have been a bit strained between me and Tan. Yesterday morning we had a big argument over me making noise when I was getting ready which woke her and the kids up. I didn't react well to it as I felt that I hadn't made any more noise than usual but had left the kitchen door open so as to try and reassure her that I was doing something. I apologised for my reaction, but I think the damage was done.

Over the day, the argument evolved into how many avoidances I have to make in an average day. I do keep Tan informed of my avoidances through the day, but I think that it hurts her to hear it still. I generally have up to about 8 in a day, some days may be more, others may be less, and I do manage to avoid looking. I don't know if other people still have to actively not look as much as this, this far into their journey or if there is something I should be working on to stop needing to avoid.

This morning was better, and we parted with a kiss, which genuinely makes me feel better going into the day.

Tan is at work over the weekend, so I'm gonna try and keep busy with the kids, and keep Tan informed of my day (and maybe do some Christmas shopping...)

 

Day 226.

I class an avoid as when I notice someone attractive and have to actively "avoid" looking at them to prevent my notice becoming an ogle.



Tan has had work yesterday and is at work again today, I have had the kids keeping me pretty tired and worn out as well though.

I took the kids grocery shopping yesterday morning and later went shopping to a big shopping mall for some christmas/ birthday presents with the kids and my dad.

I get kind of apprehensive going to places like that, as it is usually very busy, and more likely to have to make avoids. I did have several avoids, but I did okay with them. I managed to get a few gifts, despite the kids and how busy the place was (this is why I do most of my present shopping online now...).

Yesterday evening we went for some food at a local pub/ restaurant with Tan the kids and my dad and gran, and it went pretty well, the food was pretty good, but it was the first time we have visited the place since my mam passed away, and we used to go there fairly regularly before.

Today I have mostly tidied up and cleaned and bathed the kids. We had been expecting someone to come and look at our dining table that we are selling but they cancelled, so I cleaned it for no reason. Oh well, it's clean for the future!

 

Day 227.

Yesterday, I took the kids to my dad's while Tan was at work. The youngest was very grotty and tired but refused to nap, instead she chose to whinge, which is pretty draining. When Tan finished, we went for the usual Sunday dinner at her parents which was nice.

We got home and put the kids to bed (putting the youngest to bed has become a bit of a time consuming challenge, but we managed). We had time to make packed lunches for today and eat a slice of lemon meringue pie, before an early bed, which would have been nice but the youngest awoke.

This morning, after being up again at 3am, we felt a little on the I'll side, partly due to a lack of sleep.

Tonight my dad and my gran are around for food, which will be nice, and is something to look forward to, hopefully the kids will go down okay and we might get some sleep...

 

Day 228.

Yesterday and today have been super busy at work, so somewhat stressful, but managably so. Tiredness inflicted by our youngest doesn't help things.

She woke up a few times in the night, and the only way we can get her to settle is by laying on the floor next to her cot until she falls asleep, which could take a while.

We had food with my dad and gran last night, and talked about various pointless things, but it was nice to have them round.

This morning Tan stayed in bed while I got ready downstairs and she got up when the youngest woke up. I felt like we were both in a decent mood (despite the sleep deprivation) and we parted in good spirits, with both kids joining in. The only thing damping the mood is the horrible weather.

 

Day 229.

Today's been pretty good so far. Today is the 11th dating anniversary of Tan and I, and tonight we are going to a restaurant to celebrate child free!

We have also just heard this morning, that we have had planning permission approved to build our extension, now we just need to sort out where the money is coming from...

Work has been very busy this week, and we have got behind a little on the workload which is causing a bit of stress, but I'm managing it well I think, and we're hopefully gonna turn the backlog around.

The youngest slept pretty well last night as well, and I didn't have to lie down on the floor until she fell asleep, so hopefully that is progress!

All in all, I'm feeling pretty good today!