Mixed feelings...

Deleted Account · Oct 22, 2018

Misneach said: ↑

It is not 'being mean' to call that out. It's honest. If you PMO, you are not as good as those who don't. That is why you want to quit.
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You are being mean. Was I rushing to defend the OP's action? No I was not.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

I see no grace in what you say. Are you trying to destroy the OP?

Deleted Account · Oct 22, 2018

"I see no grace in what you say ...I've been a fool and I've been blind"
Am I trying to destroy the OP? No, he's done that already.
I am, however, sick of this forum now doubling up as a place for people to come looking for pity from other men. What he did was wrong, and the wrong is compounded by shifting blame onto the woman he cheated with. There also seem to be a lot of 'men' on this forum who blame women for everything, and consider themselves to be helpless little lambs, poor victims of the big bad woman who made them sad.
No. Spare us the egotism. The only person to feel sorry for here is the wife who married a traitor.

primaljade · Oct 22, 2018

nadox said: ↑

I know I can’t have both.
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This is why I practice polyamory.

Zamyou · Oct 22, 2018

I'm gonna look the other way and stick to reasoning and put aside the fact that you betrayed your wife and family...

I know you cannot help your feelings, but you made a commitment to your wife and there is no more room for messing around... ur coworker broke your heart, marriage, streak(?) and almost made you lose your job... and you still love your wife... in any case, you will lose one person you love.... but improve your marriage and most of all, yourself ! Marriage takes effort just like noFap.. it will take a while before you can put aside your affair but every day, think about what you would lose !

You can do this man! And i guess we all make mistakes sometimes... that is how you learn!

nadox · Oct 22, 2018

Misneach said: ↑

No point rushing to the defense of a person who betrays his wife.
Nope. That is not comparable with PMO.
Scumbag is putting it mildly, and it is outrageous that a person can have so little self awareness that they [a] cheat on their wife (and marriage is a religious thing too, like it or not, so there is a religious vow that has been broken here too), and they blame the woman they had an affair with because she turned it to her advantage.
None of this is cool. Not even remotely.
I agree with you that PMO is a cretinous thing to do - that is why we quit and wish we had never gone there in the first place. PMO digests the addict, and is in itself the product of a damaging and exploitative industry. But do we feel sorry for ourselves, and commiserate with one another? NO.
Do we blame PMO? Only those who never kick the habit.
No, the fault lies in us.
It is not 'being mean' to call that out. It's honest. If you PMO, you are not as good as those who don't. That is why you want to quit.
And a man who cheats on his wife is a scumbag (to put it mildly). Shame on him.
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No ones rushing to my defense. They just simply stated that your comments, however true, are not constructive. Which is the point of all of us being here. To share without fear of persecution or judgement since all of Sin stems from the same place. Weather your sin is lust, adultery, or pharisee or whatever.

Your quick to judge me, though you don’t know that I’ve been standing by my wife for almost 10 year, many hospital visits because she has health issues coupled with mental health issues and a nasty habit of not staying on her meds. YEAH I FUCKED UP. Your presumption additutude of “ I better let this guy know he’s a piece of shit” is your sin, your affair, your issue. Like I didn’t already grieve and remorse about my actions in the last 6 months. Of course I have. But you, who are quick to judge, didn’t take the time to think out your comments, you are quick to spit vile on others and proclaim your righteousness before you have even weighed the situation or the thought.

Thanks for your feedback bit you can’t take your self-righteous bullshit somewhere else.

nadox · Oct 22, 2018

Zamyou said: ↑

I'm gonna look the other way and stick to reasoning and put aside the fact that you betrayed your wife and family...

I know you cannot help your feelings, but you made a commitment to your wife and there is no more room for messing around... ur coworker broke your heart, marriage, streak(?) and almost made you lose your job... and you still love your wife... in any case, you will lose one person you love.... but improve your marriage and most of all, yourself ! Marriage takes effort just like noFap.. it will take a while before you can put aside your affair but every day, think about what you would lose !

You can do this man! And i guess we all make mistakes sometimes... that is how you learn!
Click to expand...

Thank you. Those are the exact thoughts I’m focusing on and trying to implement in my life and marriage.

nadox · Oct 22, 2018

Misneach said: ↑

"I see no grace in what you say ...I've been a fool and I've been blind"
Am I trying to destroy the OP? No, he's done that already.
I am, however, sick of this forum now doubling up as a place for people to come looking for pity from other men. What he did was wrong, and the wrong is compounded by shifting blame onto the woman he cheated with. There also seem to be a lot of 'men' on this forum who blame women for everything, and consider themselves to be helpless little lambs, poor victims of the big bad woman who made them sad.
No. Spare us the egotism. The only person to feel sorry for here is the wife who married a traitor.
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Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Everyone who has PMO’d has committed adultry in one form or the other. I’m simply sharing mine and being transparent.

C_m · Oct 22, 2018

I wish you well on your path to recovery. Your post title says it all. As long as you have mixed emotions, that will be the challenge to your healing. Make up your mind and get your mind right.

nadox · Oct 22, 2018

C_m said: ↑

I wish you well on your path to recovery. Your post title says it all. As long as you have mixed emotions, that will be the challenge to your healing. Make up your mind and get your mind right.
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Thanks you. I’m trying to get my head in order, I just needed a place to vent to say it all “out loud” so to speak. Feel me? If I bottle up everything I will fucking explode.

Zamyou · Oct 23, 2018

I completely understand people here are mad, but its totally unhelpful.. OP is asking for help to change the error of his ways... instead of complaining, help the fella...
He's not asking us for forgiveness (that's up to his wife) but rather how to change himself so it will never happen again..

Deleted Account · Oct 23, 2018

nadox said: ↑

No ones rushing to my defense. They just simply stated that your comments, however true, are not constructive. Which is the point of all of us being here. To share without fear of persecution or judgement since all of Sin stems from the same place. Weather your sin is lust, adultery, or pharisee or whatever.

Your quick to judge me, though you don’t know that I’ve been standing by my wife for almost 10 year, many hospital visits because she has health issues coupled with mental health issues and a nasty habit of not staying on her meds. YEAH I FUCKED UP. Your presumption additutude of “ I better let this guy know he’s a piece of shit” is your sin, your affair, your issue. Like I didn’t already grieve and remorse about my actions in the last 6 months. Of course I have. But you, who are quick to judge, didn’t take the time to think out your comments, you are quick to spit vile on others and proclaim your righteousness before you have even weighed the situation or the thought.

Thanks for your feedback bit you can’t take your self-righteous bullshit somewhere else.
Click to expand...

If I see a donkey and say "hey, look! It's a donkey", I'm not judging it. If I hrar a guy cheated on his wife and then hraded to an anti-porn forum to complain that the woman he betrayed his wife for exploited the situation, I'm not judging him when I say "hey, look! It's a donkey!"
Getting sympathy here for what you have done is lame. It's not a church. And only your wife can forgive you.

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