Is this what men think?

I think that this is disgusting animal behavior. People are not supposed to act like this, in my opinion. Just curious, if you were married and your wife told you that she had tried sex with all the different types of men she could find to see which was her favorite, would you think that was honorable behavior or is it only cool for men to do that.

 

I'm not sure what my aunty was trying to achieve by this tip but all I can say in response is, firstly language/ analogies etc. is open to interpretation so what I got from this may be different to what you go from it. Secondly, it doesn't mean anything literally- it could mean, personality types for example. Ice cream shops back in her past probably had 3-4 flavours whereas these days there are 30-40! As men we are advised very differently about our approach to sex compared to women. I would like to think women have the same choice though. Perhaps the principle is, try more than one before you choose. Peace

 

you should read the rationale male from rolo tomassi , that will put some things in perspective on male and female nature.

 

We know an anology can be taken in many different ways. This is why it's important for you to tell us how you interpreted your aunts words since how you interpreted them was a motivating factor as to why you bothered to repeat her advice in this thread in the first place. So to you, did you interpret her words of trying muitlple flavors as trying multiple sex partners or multiple personalities?

 

Even if it was about sex, I think that would be wonderful advice from the aunt. Human beings are animals. Though I think when you use the word "animal", you are using that to cast moral judgement. Since men have a natural desire for multiple women, to spread our seed, it is a harmful viewpoint to read morality in to that.
As to the question of applying the advice to women, I think that's fine if women try "multiple flavors" to find out what is their "favorite". Though if I was the husband in that situation, I would want to know for sure, demonstrated to me, that I was in fact the best flavor. As the man should demonstrate that his committed partner is also the best flavor. If that makes sense

 

I shared what she said because it reminded me of the pie analogy at the start of this thread. When I was younger, I understood it as types of women; both a combination of personalities and physical qualities. Above all, my aunty was never liked by my family and I barely saw her. Hence I didn't take her advise seriously, I just found it entertaining.

 

I'm reading this series right now as I speak and it is eye-opening and life-changing. But a lot of people will react very poorly to the ideas found there

 

Thanks man. Well said!

 

A natural desire for sex is not the same as natural desire for multiple partners. Since man is both rational and instinct driven, unlike animals, our actions are distinct from them. If you want to believe we're simply animals then you need to accept the consequence of that statement in full and abolish all laws within a society. If you are not okay with that, and I imagine you wouldn't be because unlike animals you understand the necessity for justice, you're simply going to cherry pick when we can be animals and when we aren't according to your apitites. That's convenient.

You mean the fact that she made a vow to stay with you for life wasn't enough proof? How could someone demonstrate to you that you're the best flavor? I think if you were married that even you would know that in the world of 7 billion people that there exists someone out there who could probably fuck your wife 10 times better than you, but does that make them better?

Clearly people are MORE than their sexual performance and to rate someones value based on sex is to miss the forest for the trees when it comes to appreciating another person's humanity and value.

 

haha i know , doesnt make it less true , well its interesting to have a broader perspective!

 

Human beings are not rational animals. Our rationality is subordinate to our irrational drives. Rationality is a tool for satisfying those drives.

Again, society, government, laws, justice, etc..... even though these things appear "higher" compared to other animals, they are still vehicles for satisfying our underlying irrational drives. So sure I accept them, but I just differ in what see as the underlying basis for them is

No, it's not. A vow is just words. Love, desire, commitment are all things that are demonstrated through action, not words.

Oh, I think a person will "know" when that is the case

Yes, and that other man will always be a potential threat. No one is secure simply because they are in a committed relationship. So you have to always be doing your best, through action, demonstration

 

I feel like you're inventing terms on the fly. What are irrational drives and how could someone's faculties be considered rational if they are subordinate to the irrational? That statement makes zero sense. Please clarify.

Again, WUT?

A vow is not just words but also an action for words have to be spoken and a decision has to be taken. A vow is both an act and words. It has meaning.

I didn't ask how another person will "know", I asked how somoen would demonstrate to you that you're the best flavor? If you demand a standard but cannot provide an example of how someone can demonstrate/meet that standard then you're just speaking nonsense that sounds nice but has zero substance.

So you admit there is no way to demonstrate that you're the best flavor? Which means your idea of finding multiple flavors in order to find the "best flavor" is moot since there could always be the threat of a better flavor.

How about maybe, just maybe, a person chooses one good out of multiple goods, understands that his choice to stick with that one goodness at the expense of sacrificing the rest of the other goods out there is exactly the thing that makes that good the Best Good? What a concept.

 

This is getting confusing for this thread now. Seems more like a philosophy debate like in the old days before the existence of scientific method. Anyhow, u can try 1000 flavors and u don't know if u have already met the best yet because it is simply too hard to quantify. I think it is better to think that u like the flavor and u want to eat more of the same flavor.
Personally, I only had one flavor but I decide to stick with this one flavor with no regret. Sure I like to try other flavor just for the sex part but it is not worth it to lose this one flavor I cherish. I needed to do some serious thought and grow up to come to this conclusion. Everyone has his or her own time frame to come to a conclusion. I'm just sharing mine.

 

Just to clarify, I don't think he's an addict. I used to be his "personal computer technician" and checked if the cause of some of his PC problems was porn sites. I found nothing.
As for his "unfaithfulness", I can say 99.99999999999999% that he's what he seems to be. First of all, they've been in this relationship for about 5 years. Both of them are shy, introverts and sensitive people. They believe that this is their final destination. My friend got hurt very badly by his ex and won't risk losing this angel.
Secondly, most times he went out, we were together. I was watching. He relies on me, he trusts me, he tells me his secrets and deepest thoughs, he asks for my help and opinion. He does all these because he knows I'm steady as a rock, keep my word and promises, no matter what. When we first met, he "slightly backstabbed" me a few times, but my reactions made him feel guilty AF. He never did that again because he knows the consequences.
Finally, he lives in a small isolated village, located on an island. The definition of closed society. Everybody knows everything and everyone, gossip about everything and everyone. Their local "championship" is snitching each other. Nothing is secret there. If he did anything "illegal", everybody would know, which happened with other people.
To sum up:
1) Long term serious relationship
2) Men's word
3) Closed society

 

So he's oogling all these women in this closed society and then everyone gossips about it? What a nightmare for his gf, no wonder she's so upset.

 

Oh come on now, is it really that hard to understand what an irrational drive is? The drives we have for food, water, sleep, love, security, sex. Things we share with other animals. These things come first, and our rationality is merely a tool for satisfying these things. Let's not pretend that rationality is some "higher" function than it really is.

Is it really that hard to understand what "demonstration" means? You demonstrate, over time, through your actions, that you are worthy of being loved by somebody, and that you love them. This could pertain to being a husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, lover, parent, etc. There is no other standard to judge something by.

I believe you know what I'm talking about, but are pretending not to

 

I think you're confusing the word irrational for the word instinctual. And rationality is a higher function because it allowes us to have control over our instincts instead of letting them control us. It is the very function that separates us from all other animals that exist on this planet. The only humans that do not have this ability are children who've haven't reached the age of reason and mentally handicapped individuals. A temper tantrum is an example of irrational behavior and in an adult it is not seen as a higher or positive characteristic than controlling your emotions aka being rational.

I absolutely know what the word demonstrate means. I wasn't confused by that, but rather asked you to give me examples of how it would look to YOU. I mean in your view you didn't consider a vow to be a good enough demonstration of love, so I figured you would have examples of actions that would be considered enough evidence that someone is demonstrating to you that you're the best flavor.

I believe you're confusing terms and being incredibly vague when it comes to your position.

Welcome back.

 

Your assumptions are faster than your thoughts. In that society boys are encouraged to go after girls, especially when the village is full of tourists. Oogling is so common that nobody even notices is. There is not death penalty for oogling in every part of the world.

She chose him. He used to be a seaman. Every time he left the island, she was crying and screaming. Then, he called me and asked me if his gf was ok...

 

Look, I don't want to get in to a long-winded debate about semantics when you know perfectly well what I'm talking about. My point is that the male sex drive is irrational. Call it an instinct if you want. Certainly all porn addicts are familiar with the endless multitude of rationalizations that can be come up with at the drop of a hat in order to look at porn. Doesn't that make you question that rationality is really in control? The irrational drive, or if you want to call it instinct, is what is driving the rationalizing. If rationality is going to help us control our sex drive or instinct, it is because rationality is in the service of another irrational drive, namely the drive for control. And that's fine

But my ultimate point was that because the male sex drive is naturally both visual and insatiable, it is an error to morally condemn it for either of these things, so we've gotten off topic

By demonstrate, in the context we are talking about, I mean any actions as opposed to words. I am differentiating between actions and words. I believe you understand that

 

No, instincts are not driving the rational mind. They influence our decisions, yes, but thats not the same as driving. If instincts were driving our rational mind we would be acting irrational. Our instincts are subordinate to our rational mind, this is how we have the ability to choose! This ability is literally why we have laws, rules, and the duty to take responsibility for our actions. It's what makes us stop "rationalizing" aka making excuses for our bad behaviors/actions.

No one is saying it's immoral to have instincts and impulses. If they're saying aything it's that it's immoral for you to excuses yourself from controlling them when you have the ability to do so.

I do understand that, for f-sake, I've been telling you I understand that. What I'm asking for are EXAMPLES of actions you deem as proof that someone is demonstrating you're their favorite flavor! What don't you comprehend about this request?

You: People in a relationship have to demonstrate to each other that they're the best flavor.

Me: How?

You: By actions, of course! Don't you know the meaning of demonstrate?

Me: I know the meaning. What acts demonstrate to another spouse that they're the best flavor?

You: Words not actions, that's what.

Me: So you don't have examples of actions?

You: Actions!!! Actions demonstrate!!! Actions!!!

Me: Well, I think we've reached as far as we're going to go with this. Thanks and have a great day.