18yo new Christian Fapstronaut who is trying real hard to quit PMO

When i was 8(4th grade) a guy in my class told me that he saw a picture of a woman drinking piss of a man(it was Oral sex), I did not understand and i was really confused. He asked me to Browse the F-word on the internet. I did that and that was the first time i saw an explicit image like that, I was really grossed out and didn't use the computer for a long time. A few years later i started going through women magazines in order to see the ads of women wearing inner-wears. I started doing that on a regular basis and discussed that with my friends. My friends introduced me to the world of Porn at the age of 12.

Soon i started Mastrubation once or twice a week. I knew it was wrong but i did it anyway. It was On and Off for a few years. Once i turned 15 my libido was very high and i started PMO more frequently. I stopped for a while when i turned 16 when i got a Girlfriend. I stopped because i got more attached to the word of god and i thought that it is wrong to cheat on my girlfriend with Porn. Then i started Masturbating without watching Porn. I started having sexual fantasies and wet dreams about my Girlfriend. I thought it was okay to Masturbate while thinking about her because it didn't amount to Adultery as i had every intention of marrying my Girlfriend then.

We broke up once we joined different colleges , we broke up because i thought that the relationship would not workout as both of us are from different communities and different Religions. The Breakup Made me go back to Watching Porn and excessive masturbation. I couldn't control my feeling and i had failed miserably at Nofap multiple times. I was driven by Lustful thoughts and fantasies. I started fantasizing about the girls i met in my daily life. That's when i realized that i had to stop PMO once and for all... The only solution that came to my Mind was Getting into a Relationship (Because the last time i was in a relationship was the time i masturbated the least). I texted my Ex and we got back together , But things didn't go as i thought it would. I didn't feel guilty about PMO even though i was in a relationship

I turned 18, i texted my GF whenever i felt horny and surprisingly she replied to my Horny texts. This became a thing ,and a few months later we had sex. I text her every now and then and most of the time we talked about having sex . All this while I continued with PMO . Now i'm tired of this and i don't want my life to revolve around sex, I have Lustful thoughts many times a day and i think of sex a LOT!

Now I'm suffering from depression , Low self esteem, Lack of confidence and other Physical Problems. I wanna change, I wanna be normal... Though i've failed at Nofap several times i'm not gonna Quit !

 

I just heard one now from the links you've sent me.. it's really good...I like it.