Letters to Cake; she's in a crisis

Normal is boooooooring.

 

Dear Cake,

It's been 8 days since you've seen him or heard his voice. Your shadow tells you it's OK to miss him. It's OK to want to see him walk through the door, give you a kiss, acknowledge the kids, & then zone out for the rest of the night on his phone/computer. It's OK to crave his touch. These feelings are OK to have; they are part of grieving.

But.....

When will they stop?

You never listen when I'm talking
You're always waiting to hear yourself

Well, how am I doing?
"How do you feel?"
To be honest with you
Simply ill
Simply ill
Simply ill
Simply ill
Simply ill

I had a tumor
It never healed
It just stayed there
Until it killed
'Till it killed
'Till it killed
'Till it killed
'Till it killed
'Till it killed

 

Dear Cake,

DEHUMANIZATION

That is what was done.
You have been trying to come up with a word other than "victim" or "betrayed". You have been dehumanized. Dignity & morals of yours were pushed aside to feed the evil.

He doesn't know about morals or how to follow Kant's formulations.

Pity the fool.

 

I feel like @HumanBob
An AI bot with vampire tendencies.
Bob & I are just trying to find our souls.
Bob is probably waking up & eating the tequila worm for breakfast, right about now.
My spirit animal

 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

 

I do! They're three-nagers

They were also very planned & very expensive (in vitro), which hurts even more that he would do this. He could have told me the truth before we brought innocent children into the world....

So, here I am, devastated with twin toddlers.....TIME OF MY LIFE

Jokes aside, it really has forced me to reevaluate the important things in life; let the small things go & kick the bigger ones out of the universe

 

Alright girlfriend! I'll start booking tickets

You will rise, too

 

Saw that pic & decided to extend our vacay in Vegas!!

I get sick to my stomach when I think about how I was treated during & after my pregnancy. Not "mean", but distant/cold. Things I thought a new dad would be overjoyed to do were annoying to him (building the cribs, going to doc appointments, picking out names, etc).

I can't even look at pics from my pregnancy & after because I can see the darkness in his eyes now that mine are clear. Ughhhhhh.

You are a wonderful mother; your children are blessed!

 

Dear Cake,

Your sexuality has been distorted without your doing. This realization of whatever cycle you're on, is just now coming to fruition.
Lies of his, protecting an unknown party in your marriage; addiction. Pixels, cameras, degradation came before you, his devoted wife. The lies undermined any communication, yet you were blamed. Lies that violated God's divinity of marriage.

For whatever reason, you didn't think any less of your appearance or personality following dday. It was only when you truly saw that he was choosing a life of sorrow over your family, did you really begin to wonder what is wrong with me?
You weren't prepared for this confusion, having always been grateful for what your body & mind look like/think like.

Your ego, popped like a balloon. It was a healthy ego. Now you feel overwhelmingly un(anything, really). Unloved, undeserving, unworthy.... you're curious why the delay in self-pity. Nobody invited self-pity to this already sinking ship.

And,

you can't stop finding the humor in you becoming an official member of this tribe, by default.

What a weird world. Wish you were stronger in this moment, because all you want is to feel his arms around you and tell you how perfect you are.

Maybe in another life....for now, just continue the process.