i am dead inside. i need help.

this is the most honest truth about myself i am writing/saying since i remember....just because i am anonymous.

i am 28 yr old unemployed with no social life and gf. i had ruined my life completely (by the end you will also agree) and now i dont know what to do or where even to begin.

i was very shy and introvert when i first got pornographic material at the age of 13. Since then, with each passing day, i secluded myself even more. when people studied i watched porn, when people partied i watched porn, when people gathered for new year eve or anything....i watched porn. i never intracted very much with any girl bcz i was busy watching....

with each passing day i was more distant from "reality" and more into porn. since last 15 YEARS the frequency, intensity, mental corruptness n degradation of porn and masturbation has only increased.

since last 2 years i am watching sissy stuff. i thought i was gay. but having partnered with men i can tell that i am not gay. sissy stuff n masturbation addiction got so messed up that i started anal playing myself, even while shitting. and now it has became a habit.

i dont know how much i masturbate or finger fuck myself. maybe 5-10 times each day. many times i do it because of compulsion, many times bcz its the only thing i know doing and i have been doing since last 15 years.

i am fed up of myself. thousands of time i had tried to quit. but there is no other thing i know doing, there is no other thing i like doing.

my biggest problems are
1) my carrer- i have my life deciding exam in couple of days but i cant focus even for 5 min continous

2) my social life - no friend or gf

3) my health - i am exteremly unhealthy and you can understand why.

if anybody ever read this plz help me. i am here bcz i dont know what to do or where to even begin.

 

thankyou. it was great help.