The first steps of my journey

Hello everyone. I´ve read about NoFap for quite a while now, but I´ve never visited the forums and read directly from the community. Today I checked it out and decided to join. Seems that writing about my progress might help me overcome this. I want to share my experience.

I´m 19 years old. I haven´t had sex yet. And most likely will have to wait a bit more. Masturbation has been something normal in my life. I used to do it about three or four times a week. 95% of the time while watching porn. The other 5% was with some other Porn substitute kind of content like pictures and videos of hot women. Maybe I did it once or twice actually using my imagination. And I usually didn´t last more than 5 minutes without stopping, waiting for me to relax and then get on it again for another 5 minutes and so on until I wanted to orgasm. I was in a relationship where I wouldn´t be able to have sexual intercourse. So porn was my only way out whenever I got turned on by my girlfriend.

At some point in my life, I started to feel really emotionally numb. Things that used to make me very happy and hyped up, dind´t anymore. It had been a while since I showed any true excitement. I thought I was able to have these feelings, I could laugh or be in a happy mood, but I was never able to feel it inside me. Like, physically feel the emotion, like most of the people around me do. About two or three months ago I started reading about what this problem is, what could´ve caused it, and how I could cure it. Soon enough, I learned about NoFap, and its benefits. I learned about a guy that felt exactly like I did. And his solution was NoFap. I then I realized that I had a problem.

My emotional numbness, lack of energy, lack of motivation, feeling pretty down and low constantly, my social anxiety and more; could be related to my masturbation habits.

I´ve been doing the challenge (or lifestyle as some may call it) for about two months. On hardmode, obviously, since I have anyone to hace sex with and I´m not really good with women. So I pretty much dont have a choice. It´s been hard. I´ve relapsed a couple of times. I convinced myself that I didnt have a problem, and that I could do it and quit whenever I wanted, but I wasnt able to prove it to myself.

Now I´m on a 12 day streak (I´ve honestly lost count, but Im pretty sure about the date I last did it). It´s been hard. It´s been twice now that I have the urges to feel an orgams. Doing research. Looking for a credible source that says masturbating (at least using your mind) once in a while is okay. I tell myself the fact that I´ve been feeling way better each week even when relapsing, but I´m not sure if it is actually okay, or I´m just looking for an excuse. And that if I keep going, I´ll be better that ever. But there´s a little voice inside my head that is telling me that if I relapse, I´m gonna regret it tomorrow.

I think I just wanted to let that out. Thank you for reading. Any comment advice or opinion is apreciated. I´m just a fellow man with an issue you might relate to.
Do you think I should keep going? (My goal is a month, then 3 months and so on depending on the results) Is it okay if I masturbate but without porn once in a while? Do you think I should masturbate If i really really want to? Is it no big deal? Or would I start feeling like crap again if I do? Tell me what you think.
Thank you