Findom/Femdom ADDICTION (again, again and AGAIN!)

[Walk of SHAME incoming]

Dear guys,

After reading a bunch of posts about Findom aka Financial domination, I decided to open myself and briefly summarize my own story. Thank you for taking the time to read this thread and sorry for my poor English.

My addiction to (financial) domination started 10 years ago, when I was 17 and evolved years after years until I found what I really crave for : Findom/Homework slavery. Sometimes, it disappears for few weeks because I forced it too much but then, it reappears and it stays few months again, and again, and again... This is like a vicious circle that I want to STOP.

Addictions:

- Talking to attractive, young and super hot girls (unattainable in real life)
- Financial domination (giving my money to younger and attractive girls)
- Homework slavery (doing homework for younger and attractive girls)
- Domination/Humiliation session (being excited too see how bad and immoral they can be => the badder she is, the greater I feel. For instance, I convinced a girl, after many weeks of intensive and intimate chats, that I could play the blue whale game which leads to suicide. She accepted in exchange of a huge amount of money. This was CRAZY but once we reached that step, I was so shocked by her reaction that I stop for a moment and I was not attracted anymore).

In sum, I am totally addicted when I can see a young and beautiful girl who can dominate me and/or USE/ABUSE ME. Furthermore, being MEAN, RUDE, HARSH or CRUEL is very exciting BUT only in the theory (when we chat/call) because when we cross the practical line (meetings, payment), I mostly cancel it and I lose attraction. This is also why I talked to thousand of them but only paid few ones (I am a true "Time Waster"). In other words, I have sick phantasms but when these meet the reality, they disappear.

To "satisfy" my needs, I have many accounts on Twitter, Instagram, Tinder, Facebook and other website where I can find these girls. I got blocked so many times, but I recreate another account, etc.

Most importantly, I always have this submissive position with girls but I always have the feeling that I control the situation BUT I give them the impression to dominate me... Once she is too bossy and force me to "pay to play", I cut the conversation, unless she REALLY deserves it (10/10, young and immoral as hell).

Currently, I have sent approximately 20 times small amounts (+/- 15$ each time) to different girls (+/- 350$ in total). Not to be satisfied by paying but to continue the chatting process and go deeper in the weird phantasm part (to see how bad she can be). However, I have also done a lot of homework for them, for free! So, doing the homework is boring BUT chatting with her and seeing what kind of strategy she will use to force me to work IS EXCITING.

Negative consequences:

- I can spend a full day texting/chatting/seeking... completely addicted to my computer and unable to do anything else that satisfying my sexual urges.
- I feel ashamed, guilty, useless and sad
- I have strong anxiety/social phobia 2 days after a huge day of excitement
- I have a decreased self-esteem
- I have 0 libido with other girls

Additional informations :

- I have a good life. I have money, I have some friends, I had girlfriends, I am not too ugly. However, I am a very solitary person, even if I can be very sociable.
- I have done NoFap in the past for 3 month and I fall in love...
- Nobody knows about this strange fetish.

Objectives :

- I WANT to stop this addiction.

Thank you for your advice.

Nicolas

 

Thank you for your answer, phwrancesco.

Actually, I am not complaining about the negative consequences (e.g., social anxiety, low libido, isolation). I am just stating the fact that these negatives outcomes lead me to change my behaviour and this is why I wrote this post: HOW pratically can I stop this kind of weird addiction. Is there a specific method for findom addict?

Nico

 

Thank you for your feedback, Troubled_Teen.

Unfortunately, I stopped many times (and sometimes for few months!) but, I always get back into it. I am looking for concrete suggestions to overcome this problem.

 

Thank you IWantToChange for your response. What is your method to avoid a sexual urge, then?

 

This is an excellent point. I realised that "moderating" my addiction IS NOT working.
Thank you for this suggestion. It is clear that when I will be ready to stop, I will totally stop it.

 

Thank you for the advice, Troubled_Teen. I know that when I open myself on Internet, I won't get only sweet words. I can select constructive information as well as toxic comments. This thread offers me already a good idea: Stopping ALL instead of moderating my addiction (which is not working).

 

Two very good points in your message !

1. You make an association between sleep and sexual attraction. Can you develop your idea? I don't sleep well, I go sleep late and I do to much computer.
2. Maybe you are reproducing the relation with your mother in your addiction (if you are attracted to findom/femdom...).

 

Alright! Another good point: Acceptance. So you mean that accepting the fact that I am addicted and dependant is a better way to go that hardly forcing myself to stop? It makes sense.