Virginity lost at 23 after 128 days of hardmode NoFap

It's been more than a year since I went through the experience, so it's about time to say it out loud. Porn should be treated just like any drug. It's okay in small amounts, but if it spirals out of control (easy with high-speed internet) and becomes a habit, there's a problem, especially if we're talking about teenagers who are yet in the process of developing their sexuality. The sexual instinct is a powerful thing and we have it for a good reason. You can either use it productively, as motivation to help you make your life better, or you can jack off to a computer screen to make it go away. I chose to do the former.
To give you some context about my case: I had always been very well aware of the fact that watching porn is an incredibly stupid way to spend your time, but I did it (almost) every day anyway, not knowing about its harmful effects. Last year, being 23 and approaching my mid-20s without ever experiencing an intimate moment with a girl - not even a kiss, let alone anything sexual - I realised that something was horribly wrong. I realised that if I continued doing what I had been doing (and not doing) all along, it would stay that way and with every passing year, I would become more bitter, resentful and angry. If I had to choose one thing I hate the most in life, it would be bitter and resentful people who don't bother to do anything to fix the things that make them miserable, blaming it on others instead (you know, people like incels). I would do anything not to become one of them.
So I did. I got PMO-free beginning summer 2017 and I promised myself that the next time I have an orgasm, it will be with a woman. Which is exactly what happened four months later with a foreign girl I met over Tinder. She couldn't believe I was a virgin and immediately said I was lying... I didn't mind the accusation, though: I had never believed that I could be perceived as attractive by anyone, so being proven wrong this way felt pretty good.
To any guys like me: believe in yourself and don't give up. It pays off. The first three weeks were tough for me, the urges were strong and distracting, but you can overcome them by keeping yourself busy. After that it gets better, you become more content with your sexuality. Physical touch with a girl doesn't feel embarassing and awkward anymore, it feels good, like you're doing the right thing. The urges are still there, but now they're focused on real women, not PMO. If you have trouble meeting girls and feel anxious about approaching them, this might be the push you need. Personally I've never experienced a flatline, I was horny throughout the process.
NoFap isn't a miracle cure for all your life's problems, though. Developing new, healthy habits, getting over social anxiety, improving social skills and "game" - all this goes a long way, NoFap is just one of the many tools you can use to get where you want to be in life. For me (like for many others), the goal was becoming more successful with girls (and losing my virginity). The only way to do that is to actually go out and meet them - NoFap can give you a push, but it's a passive thing; you need to take the initiative. TAKE ACTION, GUYS. Your life isn't going to get any better unless you actually go out of your way to change it.
There are things and resources that can help you along the way. I can recommend RSDMax, Valentino Kohen and Todd Valentine - channels on YouTube, they get really cheesy sometimes with ther clickbait attitude and they keep trying to sell you their programmes (you don't need them), but inbetween all that, you can learn a thing or two and get a different perspective on interacting with girls in a sexual way. Tinder can help if you have trouble approaching girls as it lets you skip that phase, but don't rely on it. Meeting girls in real life is more fun once you get accustomed to it and it gets you further.
Also incorporate new healthy habits. I believe this is actually more important and useful than becoming PMO-free. Those include waking up at a reasonable time (my rule is to never get up later than 9 am, even if I have the option to stay in bed all day - it isn't super early, but I can stick to that rule), exercise regularly (even once a week is good), commit to hobbies you like and do them on a regular basis. People, including girls, are naturally drawn to people who are confident and who feel good about themselves. True confidence and happiness can only come from within, by being content with who you are and what you do in life - so set your life up in such a way that makes it a life worth living! Even if you happen to be single at the moment.

Final note: I broke my streak several times over the past year, thinking "now that I finally achieved my goal, I can do whatever I please" - which is a silly idea and nothing but an excuse to go back to the lifestyle I tried so hard to escape. I'm now commited to stay away from porn for the rest of my life - the grass is indeed greener on this side of the fence.

Don't give up, it will be worth it in the end!

 

I get what you mean, I had the same fears and the same feeling of embarassment. I didn't tell the girl that I was a virgin until we were both in bed about to do the deed. I suggest you do the same, she will most likely be happy to guide you. You shouldn't worry about it.
If girls fail to notice you (as is the case with most guys I believe), approach them and make them notice you! I know it isn't easy, but there's no easy way to get around this.

 

Like I said, it's not a miracle cure for anything and it doesn't make women flock to you all of a sudden. I see it rather as a small boost to help you get where you want to be by pushing you into taking action and meeting girls in real life, which is what it always boils down to. Everyone's journey is different and comparing yourself to others isn't helpful. You'll get there eventually. Best of luck!

 

Ruminating about your relapse isn't going to help - but you can put your relapse in a good use by learning from it, realising what caused you to relapse and then making sure you avoid whatever it was in the future. There are browser extensions you can download and install for free, I used Adult Blocker which works well, but sometimes it goes overboard and blocks even websites that are completely harmless (you can put them on a whitelist).

 

Honestly, I don't think the four months I did were enough to get me to my "normal" state. I still have a long way ahead of me. But I do believe that after more than half a year, you should be noticing some results. Maybe you weren't affected by PMO that heavily and there are other culprits that cause the problems you're experiencing?

 

I'd been on PMO ever since I started puberty, so I know where you're coming from. But although I don't know where and how you live, I highly doubt that you have no occations to meet women. You don't have any towns or cities in your vicinity? If you do, then you have no excuse not to meet girls there. I don't know if the shop assistant was just doing her job (I heard that in America they all have to act super nice to their customers) or if she went out of her way to be nice because she liked you, but there's a good chance she actually was into you. There's no way to find out now (unless you go back and she's on a shift again), but next time, flirt back and return the compliment.
There's no harm in asking a girl for her number. She might reject you, but what do you have to lose?

 

Your English is perfectly fine, it isn't my first language either. The benefits? Well, finally getting my act together and finding myself a girl to sleep with was a pretty nice benefit I think... it wasn't all just related to NoFap, I honestly believe the other stuff I mentioned in the post is more important. If you have insecurities and act shy around girls (even if you're otherwise a social person like me), then staying away from PMO should help you get over that and take action with them. The insecurities won't go away all of a sudden, you simply become too horny to care about them.
As for overcoming urges - there's no easy solution, you just need to keep yourself busy so that you don't have time and mental capacity for PMO. Keep reminding yourself why you're doing this, the emergency button on here can help with that when you're about to relapse. But it's not about just keeping a streak as long as possible, so don't beat yourself up about it.
Good luck and congratulations to getting clean already when you're so young! I'm not old by any means either, but I still wish I started much earlier.