Letters to Cake; she's in a crisis

[@cakeinacrisis did you ever figure out which Ayn Rand character you were? I don't know why but I have this vague memory you were torn between two.[/QUOTE]
fursur Dagny.
Maybe 10% betty pope mixed in, only because I've had to play that role when I've wanted to stab my eyes out.

I resonate with Dagny; works hard for what she wants, she's not dependent on anyone, cringes at daft people, & she doesn't think sex is evil when love is involved. She's loyal & is the kind of rational person you would want on your side.

Sweet memory...I'd forgotten about that.
Thx Max

 

fursur Dagny.
Maybe 10% betty pope mixed in, only because I've had to play that role when I've wanted to stab my eyes out.

I resonate with Dagny; works hard for what she wants, she's not dependent on anyone, cringes at daft people, & she doesn't think sex is evil when love is involved. She's loyal & is the kind of rational person you would want on your side.

Sweet memory...I'd forgotten about that.
Thx Max[/QUOTE]
Idk why God hates me & effed up your quotes, but that was to you, @Max Fisher

 

clocking out now

 

Thx for sharing

 

Dear Cake,

You very well could be going crazy, but sheer irony seems to have triggered the hysterical fits of cry-laughing today in the car.
You've been fixated on getting past Christmas in one piece; using everything you've been working on to your advantage, while letting the emotions run their course. To hype yourself up, you've been doing the 'ol 'this is the final hurdle & then it's smooth sailing' peptalks religiously.
And then today, while the smashing pumpkins played in the background, it made it's way to the top. Your brain was trying to make you forget or overlook that the universe always has the last laugh. Yours was presented in irony. You've been super stoked to get through Christmas because then you're home free while completely forgetting that you got engaged on NYE.
Sigh....
Universe 1 Me 0

 

How strange, Ghost...
I was thinking of you, too. Every once in a while I think, 'I hope ghost doesn't have to spend Xmas by himself this year' & then that makes me cry so I stop thinking of you happened right before I read this

I'm not doing good, but not doing bad; normal feelings, I suppose... guilt & despair are trying to infiltrate my optimism & hope. The energy it takes for me to override the negativity is exhausting.

If you can remember, any tips on 3 year old multiples 'ganging up' on the mom? Idk if your ex-wife dealt with this, but I'm sure she did. They leave me in tears sometimes!

Also, the never-ending trail of deceit & beautiful woman I've been left on my own to discover is making me feel really crappy about myself. It's confusing me because I've never questioned my physical (& internal) beauty. Even when dday happened, I never once thought that the women he watched were prettier than me or had nicer bodies. Today, I find he was asking some chick on a gamer site why she wasn't showing cleavage, could he see her goods, etc. & I died a little inside. Maybe it is because it's the first time I've seen an actual request made by him to another female to show a certain body part, where everything else was just videos he clicked on.

Good news is, my intuition WAS right

He should have not wasted his breath trying to convince me IT WAS ONLY PORN, I SWEAR, NOTHING ELSE, YADAYADAYADAAAAAA. I knew. I always know. Thank God I followed my instincts, or I'd still be sitting here in lalaland, passionately defending him from anyone (me) that would dare think he'd lie to me.

What a drag I am

Reach out on Xmas if you think of it, my friend

 

Let me know how it is!

I've only read the book in college, and to be honest, didn't really get into it like I thought I would. Pretty sure I didn't even finish it...so,

I think I'll find it & give it another read. This time, through the eyes of a mentally matur(ing) human. I'll let you know when I finish it in 15 years, if I'm still dagny
It's a loooooooong book.

 

You're the best, Ghost

& thx @AnonymousAnnaXOXO for finding & helping others heal

 

Dear Cake,

Awhile back, you asked your friend Max to become your personal dj. You see, Max has musical telepathy. He can read what you write & know precisely what song(s) will suit you at that time & possibly in the future. Max must have known you'd need this song, eventually.

Like, today for example. Perfect day for this song.

You found time to Google some #'s you'd written down but forgotten about & discovered one lead back to a local couple looking for someone to have fun with.

You honestly didn't think it'd get much worse, but it can & it does....

Thanks for looking out for me with the tunes, @Max Fisher . It's what I needed.

 

SOS.

If anyone has survived divorce with an emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative ex please send tips.

Of course I am aware of the master plan; to make me buckle from sheer exhaustion by fucking with my mind. Making me out to be the bad guy. Using my children as pawns. Suddenly realizing how good I had it & bam, divorce off the table. Or, maybe I will cave in & agree to a better deal for him than he deserves.

Not happening. In fact, it only pisses me off that much more. I put my boundaries up, that are forever disrespected, & I refuse to play the games. However, this makes him big mad & the abuse gets worse. Currently, I'm getting the silent treatment because I exist. I'm getting the silent treatment from a man who secretly recorded/cammed me in the bath/shower for 4 months.

This shit is going to take forever to settle & even when it's over, the games won't stop because we have children together.

Sometimes staying in the marriage seems easier. But then I remember I don't like fukbois.

 

Thank you, friend...

I have counsel, but it adds up. I get charged every time I have to talk to my attorney about such & such. It's like paying to pass notes in school. Ridiculous.

There are orders in place that keep me & kids physically safe, but not a lot the courts can do with emotional tactics.

Super unfortunate.

 

The remedy to fukboi behavior:

Putting together a barbie dreamhouse, alone.....

I can take on the world now. Legit feel empowered, granted there weren't any screws & tools needed. That's on tonight's agenda with some other overpriced kids crap.

If you see a missile shooting through the sky, it's just me being done with screws & fukbois