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The rational male. Dating and dealing with women

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by margun, Sep 6, 2018.

  1. I received my copy of The Rational Male yesterday! Can't wait to delve in to all of its forbidden secrets! Muahahaha! (evil laugh)
     
  2. Starke

    Starke Fapstronaut

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    Rollo is just the tip of the iceberg my bros.
     
  3. Oh yeah? Got any other recommendations?
     
  4. Starke

    Starke Fapstronaut

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    It's up to you to see how deep the rabbit hole goes, i can only point you in the appropriate direction : therationalmale(.)com
     
  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Agreed and I think that’s why the book is the opposite of what NoFap is about. If your goal is to have lots of sex with no strings attached then sure try this method it may work. But it is certain to not attract marriage minded women because marriage minded women have no desire for players. From my understanding of NoFap the goal is to see women as humans not as objects to be used and played against each other. So reading this book and attempting its strategies would seem like a very bad idea for someone looking to change their ways. Men that are players are generally the most insecure men you will ever meet. They seek validation from the attention of women except the only type of validation that ever works is self validation. I can’t tell you how many male friends or exes that I see now in my 40s that we’re players like this their entire lives and now suddenly have decided to try and settle down and have kids and marry and women in their child bearing years want nothing to do with them. It’s okay in my opinion to get out there and experience different types of women that helps you decide who you like and who you get along with. But be honest about it don’t play silly games.
     
    0111zerozero11, Trappist and Hitto like this.
  6. So I have started reading the book. I also want to point out that the author is married, and argues that the strategies he is advocating can improve the quality of a marriage or a long-term relationship. The author also argues against porn use, citing it as one of 10 "buffers" that men use to avoid rejection from women. That is, instead of going out and facing rejection from real-world women, many men use porn because there is no chance of rejection. He also argues that online dating is a "buffer" as well (which ties in to another thread of mine). I am finding that this is really a fascinating book, very philosophical, very Nietzchean. And yes, it most certainly challenges the received ways that dating and relationships are viewed. I also need to "change my ways" - as I enter my late 30s and in to my 40s, I need to become more of a "player". We're talking about someone who has always held on to the myth of "the One", put women on pedestals, yet who has never dated, never had sex, etc. Time to change some things up. Appreciate the perspective, but I disagree

    And I want to apologize for my tone on some of the earlier posts. I'm sorry, that was stupid
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2018
  7. I assumed you had had relationships. If you've never dated then whoring for a bit to gain experience sounds reasonable. It's what I plan to do as well.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Hello (don't know how to pronounce your name), yes you understand where I'm coming from! I've essentially been outwardly asexual my entire life, but with porn hidden underneath. I have no idea at all what I'm doing with women, I'm a total beginner. The way I see it, it's like learning a new skill. This is why accusations of "insecurity" mean nothing. Of course I'm insecure! That's why I'm trying to learn! Somebody who doesn't know how to fish, but wants to, feels pretty insecure about their fishing skills. So then they start to practice, and they get better. That's what I'm trying to do with women. Unfortunately, I wasn't born a natural with women. And I didn't have anyone teaching me how to get any better. Porn didn't help. That's why it's a breath of fresh air to come across a book like this, and then to realize that there's also a whole larger community of men helping men work through these issues. I've complained a lot on NoFap that I'm 35 with no experience with women. Hitting this age has caused me to do a "revaluation of values", and question my entrenched belief system about dating and women, because clearly it hasn't worked or helped. I have no idea how it is going to turn out, but that doesn't matter, because it is the process of learning and improving that matters, not the outcome. The idea of "whoring around" as you put it represents such a radical break with my past, with who I've been, and because of that it makes life seem new, fresh, and exciting! If, as a byproduct of that, I end up with a long-term partner, than wonderful
     
  9. Today I was listening to a YouTube video on the channel Entrepreneurs With Cars, where the host was talking with Rollo Tomassi. During the conversation, Rollo made an endorsement of NoFap. He was discussing how for men, sexuality can be the source of great creativity in life, that's what having "two balls" can bring. He praised "those who are doing the NoFap thing" who can divert their sexuality in to creative endeavors, "and also try to get laid with real women"
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. Killing off the old you, seems to want to ignore all you’ve learned and become to date? I’ve used that phrase myself when younger.

    You don’t have to be a sexual lothario to date and get to know women, if that’s the books thrust, but rather get out into the dating world more old style?
    To get to know different women?

    I’m off the market the last 20 years and so much has changed maybe.

    I grew up surrounded by women and related there best. I did try this ‘competition model’ and it did ‘relieve’ some insecurities.

    We all come from different areas with similarities.

    One thought I’ve heard and liked is when you meet someone take her along with you.
    I finally did this at 45.

    I wish I did not have this PMO aspect and made a better connection to the women I dated in my life.

    That would have made all my relationships better, deeper and growing into something so much more.

    I can think of many of the people I dated could have worked out well.

    “The one” may simply be the one I committed to?
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2018
  11. Hi Trappist,
    Yeah I think this book is really talking about how to deal with the changing dynamics of the dating world, and dynamics between men and women more recently. We live in different times. I was certainly raised with an "old-school" perspective. And that didn't help, because we live in a "new-school" world now. I'm happy that, at the start of my dating life here, I can go in to it with a brand new perspective
     
    Trappist likes this.
  12. After having read the entire three-book Rational Male series a few months ago, I've grown some perspective on it. I loved it while I was reading it. And I think it offers great knowledge for how to relate to women. But I do think it places far too much value on sex, for one thing. I also think that these authors and leaders in "the Manosphere" style themselves as "the Alphas" who are "leading all the Betas" to a better life. In other words, it is a form of self-promotion, self-advertising for these Manosphere writers/leaders. If that's working for them, then more power to them. But it's still just mostly for show. So I'm a little cynical about even this too
     
  13. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Idk how I feel about this but if the shoe was on the other foot and the woman tried to tell me this I'd be feeling anxious and probably call the giirl various derogatory names amongst a lot of other stuff that I may not mean.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2018
  14. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    As someone who studies the Bible it should be noted that King David and Solomon had like 700 wives a piece. I understand the hypocrisy or the double standard but I am curious of what you would think of these wives of David and Solomon.
     
  15. Welcome back!
     
  16. You aren’t asking me, but..

    I recall hearing that as a kid. Thought: ok, maybe the times
    then were different...
    :)

    Maybe that simply meant he slept around a lot as he was a high value man?

    If you were king, nobody could/would say no.

    Could have had reserved choices
    around the kingdom?

    A royal world problem,
    Not my first world one.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  17. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    When the Israelites were leaving Egypt the most high created the ground rules bc these men (Israelites) were warring amongst eachpther mainly for sleeping with each other's women. So Moses being the intermediary spoke with the most high and the rules were created. A man can have multiple wives and partners so long as these women are not married to another man. A woman cannot, because if she does it's adultery regardless if she married. A complete double standard I know but yet it's allowed for men.

    And don't you think the point of a lot of these books is to adopt a royal mentality? One where you commit to everything you can handle? You'd know more than me on this but just something I'm thinking after reading some of your prior posts about commitment and the quip about your first world problem.
     
  18. If I understand you?

    I'm so married that its all surmising, now.

    When I did date, I did at one point try to date 'lightly' and get to know several for a time. It was mostly just too easy to fall for someone without a clear understanding of what I was doing.

    Dating seems to have no rules today. Is that how it is?
    Having graduated levels where one gets to know the other without plugging in the high voltage (sex) seems a good idea. Does that even happen anymore?

    @GG2002 might be a high value woman, a professional?
    Dating later in life, if I could guess right? I dated a few good women like this and dating was slower and more thoughtful.

    I don't think one needs whoring, period.
    Be open and present, honest that you don't know everything.
    Many will gladly teach.

    Define a whore? The term is so derogatory and describes
    a paid person working for money and is not helping you develop as a man.

    Unless I suppose it is a person who is a sex surrogate who does it to teach, perhaps.
    Like a therapist in the Helen Hunt movie, The Surrogate.

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lois-alter-mark/cheryl-cohen-greene_b_2570634.html

    Some would define a woman who sleeps with others that.
    I called these good women a date.
     
  19. Funny thing about
    an aspect of ‘whoring’.

    Depending on how you define it.
    In SAA, many speak of addictions to escorts, prostitutes and massage parlors with bonus endings.

    I think I’ve known a few women and men who may have been escorts, too.

    There may be a sliding scale
    Of good to harmful.
    Dunno.

    A slippery slope I would think.
     
  20. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Im not in the know with the dating scene these days. What I do know is that I'm not that good at it. And I told a girl just last week that I wasn't going to see her anymore/take her out because I wanted to pursue someone else. That whole scenario ended up in failure. So maybe I should have kept my options opened.

    Me personally I would rather get to know someone before sex too. And I'm unsure if those whoring comments were directed to me? Thanks
     

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