First 90 days: benefits and thoughts

Hey everybody. First off, I want to thank this community for paving the way for me. I don't really have anything new to say other than to share my story. I started this journey at the beginning of 2018, and after a year of various streak lengths, this is my first 90 day streak. I feel great about that; it's a similar high to running a race. I won't got into my background too much, other than I encountered porn at 19, didn't think I had too much of a problem, but then was powerless to change my habit for years and years. The worst moment came when driving home from work one day, looking at porn while at the stoplights. I thought. "Man, this is pretty fucked up. Is this worth my life?"

Anyways,

Benefits:
- less to hide. This feels great. I never have to worry about my roommates catching me. I can talk to friends or women I'm interested in without feeling the weight of my shame.

- More Undivided as a person. I wrote a lot about this here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/sexual-transmutation-and-the-creative-process.207344/

- Female attention. I knew I was attractive before (but lacked the confidence to really do anything about it), but it's almost absurd how much female attention I've gotten after the long stretch of this journey. More on that later.

- Energy. Not super human levels of energy, but still more. Definitely learning to use my sexual energy towards my creative process.

- Glad of my sexuality. Before, I would frequently think things like "it's so annoying that I have this sexual energy, I wish I could get rid of it." But now, I think of that energy as precious, something that drives me and gives me depth of feeling. Even if it is annoying sometimes.

- Feeling that I can change. We can all change people! That's a great feeling.

Thoughts:

At the beginning, the not fapping isn't really the major change itself. I think the change has to be fueled by living. This is what everyone else says. Seeing friends, working on things, exercise, exercise, exercise. I was really skeptical about the way people talked on here. As if women could just detect that a man hadn't been fapping and that would turn them on. But then, over time an interesting thing happens. All the life change bolsters the self against porn or masturbation, but then eventually, the not watching porn and the sexual change that comes from that fuels the life change. I can feel the sexual energy inside, and it doesn't feel against me. And weirdly enough, I do think now that not fapping is part of my energy.

I think it's the same for the female attention part. I think the attention comes more from exercise, dressing well, confidence, posture, etc. But over time the mental changes from not fapping became a source of confidence in itself for me.

Anyways, I'm looking forward to the journey still. And hope any of this encourages someone out there. It's definitely possible for you guys too. And we can all make the change to live our lives.

 

You definitely can.

 

Dude. Definitely. I mean, it feels a little less glamorous. I think I've felt more "like a man." Like I have the force of will to do things and am becoming more the master of myself instead of being mastered by self.

 

I've been on guard. I know that just because I've reached 90 days, I'm still far from "making it." Thanks for the reminder and sorry that happened to you. You'll make it back.

 

Sorry to hear about that. You have a plan to bounce back?