rejected me but still wants to talk/be friends?????? ADVICE PLEASE

Many of us go through this at some point. She'll probably end up dating the local bad boy, come crawling to your for support when it all goes wrong, then date another equally obnoxious individual after that. Personally I would look to cut ties or it could get worse before it gets better...

 

It kind of sounds like ur too in ur feelings as it were. A lot of the advice here is the line between doing the right thing and the rest is like make her jealous. I'd actually suggest u stick to honesty and reality. It actually does sound like u do have some real level of friendship. I've been in similar situations and I can say if u have a positive female in ur life that actually wants to be around u then u don't give that up based on temporary feelings.

Friendships will always have give nad take. Maybe she needs u emotionally and maybe u need this experience so u can become stronger and develop ur character. Friends come and go all the time. But losing a friendship because of deeper feelings is actually pretty weak. No offence. I know how it feels in the moment like horrible but ... U also need to act it out so that u realize that u werent just her friend because of wanting her to be ur gf. If she is as good as u say after ur hormones and emotions have cleared up u would have made a mistake.

What u actually do here is use honesty and try to look at it from her perspective. Because to her it may feel like all that friendship was just u trying to get with her. I've also found it helpful but potentially dangerous to ask why? Often when you hear why its not so bad. U might become a bit self conscious of something but at least u know. Maybe ur too short, maybe ur too fat, maybe ur just not her type. Maybe u have control over it and maybe u dont. But u can probably fix it or make up for it in the future with a different girl and hey ... nothing brings new women faster than having a public intimate relationship with a nice female friend.

You can believe that. Not saying to use her like that tho. Im just saying look at the good things and also use it as an opportunity to become stronger not run away in weakness. Be honest and take it slow. Tell her u can still be friends just ur human so give u a while to let the emotions process.

 

My Advice:

Your emotional health should be your priority.

However, realize that your emotions are not you. You can't control what happens to you. The only thing you can control is how you react to events.

Be cool and cordial with her. One of the least attractive qualities in a man is him being an emotional wreck, or vindictive, or distant towards her (all of which imply insecurity). A woman is emotionally more fragile than a man by nature, so when she's sees you behaving like a woman, she's not going to feel the same for you as when she finds that guy who is rock-steady in his beliefs and self-control. Unfortunately, you made a big mistake when you gave a big shpeel about your feelings to her. I was told never to do that, ever - as a rule. And when I heard that rule, and thought about how I had broken it in the past, I realized there must be some truth to it because never, ever, did it get me the response - affection - that I was looking for; always, the girls were turned off.

 

Why does everyone say if your friend zoned to just cut the person off? Can't you just not continue romantic intentions since it seems to make her uncomfortable?

 

"i can't tell for sure if she's really hurting or using me to fulfill her emotional needs until someone better comes along"

The last part of your thread shows alot of personal insight. Listen to that, it'll protect you.

I was in a similar situation once and after telling the guy i just wanted us to be friends, he said "but i never came to you just wanting to be friends." And i knew that.

You need to protect your peace, you are trying to recover from internal wounds and you dont need someone whose more interested in your attention then your soul.

Maybe try something like "i cant be friends with you because i never came to you just wanting to be your friend, so you can choose, do you want to give me a chance to make you happy as your boyfriend, or can you please just allow me the space to get over my feelings for you, which i cant do right now if you just want a close friendship." Or something like that.

It'll feel good setting boundaries and being honest, and even if she doesnt respect you for being upfront, you'll respect you.

 

But then just being friends with the person makes you uncomfortable.

If you really like someone, deeply and truly, being just friends with them is just painful. Because everytime youre with them you just long for them more, but then they dont reciprocate that same effort and reliability and stuff, cos they dont feel the same way, and it gets worse if they tell you about the people they are actually interested in.

Being friendzonend by someone you love is not worth the pain that comes with it, thats why its best to just cut them off, get over those feelings and move on with your life.

But if youre not really invested then its not as emotionally taxing.

 

You can do what I do, say "sure" and then stop answering her texts (unless she's really funny or something) or hanging out with her. Those types of friends are for being nice and chit-chatting for a minute between classes or at the grocery store.

Girls crying and complaining, about intimate stuff, is for their intimate partners. I don't let girls emotionally vomit on me, especially if she can't bear to have sex with me.

So I suggest communicating this clearly and succinctly to draw your boundaries, show her what you want, demonstrate your outcome independence, and put the ball in her court (due to the BS, it's her move to make a move now). Some ideas, but you really have to mean it:

If she goes on some emotional rant, say: "Sorry, I'm only comfortable talking about that sort of thing with intimate partners."
If she whines about you not being there for her: "I'd love to help, but if we can't even have an intimate relationship, I can't be there for you."
If she wants the old you: "The old me wants you to want me, and if that's unrequited then we both have to move on"

Or BF killers like: "Don't worry, there's plenty of special guys out there."

If you can't mean it, then you gotta work on your inner game before expecting success.

 

It may be hard but you have two options, stop all contact with her or accepting it and still be friends. Remember that the one who puts you in the "friendzone" is yourself.

 

i am a girl. i dated this guy for a month then suddenly he rejected me a week after we had s. for the 2nd time (i bet it was mostly due to me having bad breath but also i don't think he ever liked me) saying he thought he liked me in that way but he would rather be a friend. i accepted but first time we hung out, he was cold to me and i tried to be cold like him but it hurt me inside. i went to a corner and started crying, even though i didn't love him but i kinda liked him. he didn't see me but i should have left in that moment and saying i couldn't have been friends. i tried to wish him merry Christmas but he looked forced in his answers so i just dropped it and i am not gonna text him anymore and it is best for me to not see him and forget him. i think you cannot be friends with her if you have deep feelings for her. and she is selfish for wanting you around. you have to take care of yourself. it is awful trying to be friends with someone you like, awful