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Break Up.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Joel Hutchison, Jan 3, 2019.

  1. Joel Hutchison

    Joel Hutchison New Fapstronaut

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    hey, I’m new here. After what happened to me I’ve decided to turn my life away from porn. Basically, I have a long distance relationship of about 100 miles. My girl and I had slight problems but we had been working it out. Suddenly she started distancing herself away from me...and I came to realize that she’d been lying to me for a long time. She got a new boyfriend and never told me, basically playing both sides of the field. After pleading with her, she chose him over our 2 year relationship and when I asked why she didn’t give me a reason. It’s definitely been a rough new year. I’m lonely, depressed , and all alone. I’d watched porn since 6th grade, I’m now 19. Although porn has nothing to do with our break up, I feel it’s for the greater good to end my addiction. Can someone offer any advice on how to handle my loneliness however?
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH and Buddhabro like this.
  2. Coolbuddy7

    Coolbuddy7 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I am sorry for what happened to you. I think it would help if you Started Reading Books, and kind of Workout and look after your body. Because whenever I was Sorrow or Lonely these were some of the things that helped me apart from Porn. But, taking help from porn to get instant pleasures (that dopamine can give us) may be misleading.
    And, maybe you can spill out all your sorrow to your friends and others with whom you can share your sadness and views upon your future. This is what I would do , had I been in such a position. Hope It helps.
    Best Wishes to stay Focused and Achieve your Goals.
     
  3. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I am still heartbroken too. If you feel confortable enough, you can talk to me about it if you wish to.
     
    CoolBuddy7 and Joel Hutchison like this.
  4. Hello, reading your story is a very familiar one indeed. One that I have personal experience as well. Before you start looking for a reason as to why this happened, point fingers in different directions, and engage in poor habits, I must warn you that with any heart-break, the best healer is time. Now that you are no longer in a relationship, feel free to think about the relationship in an objective manner. Try to identify what went wrong, why it did, and try to look objectively. Was this really a worthwhile relationship? It's good that you are deciding to end your PMO use as well. I was in the 6th grade when I started PMO, so I advice you to quite early while you still can.
     
  5. Joel Hutchison

    Joel Hutchison New Fapstronaut

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    Hey thanks everyone. I’m making a lot of progress since the breakup. Still going porn free and I’m feeling happy. Thanks for all of your support. It means a lot, trust me
     
    Kman20, Buddhabro, Mo1989 and 2 others like this.
  6. One thing I learned is that during my single years, I've had the most personal change and growth imaginable. There's a strange motivation to focus your energies elsewhere and develop parts of yourself you simple aren't aware of.
     
  7. Coolbuddy7

    Coolbuddy7 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, if you want definitely, I am , and so are we all , here for you ! You can surely Talk !
     
  8. Landser

    Landser Fapstronaut

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    Dude never enter in long distance relationships again... It's not worth it. As soon as somebody show interest in her she will forget you.. Women are just like that. You always have to be around them...
     
    Fightthedevil and Joel Hutchison like this.
  9. I second this. Normally I don't give relationship advice considering I'm not good at them, but Solare is correct on this one \[T]/.

    Tough times are ahead @Joel Hutchison, but don't you dare go hallow.
     
    Joel Hutchison likes this.
  10. Landser

    Landser Fapstronaut

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    \[T]/ Thanks. And yes if you leave a woman to go hollow she will make your life miserable. In my country we have a saying: If woman or rust start spreading there is nothing that can stop them...
     
    Joel Hutchison likes this.
  11. [​IMG]
     
    Joel Hutchison and Landser like this.
  12. Just remember the fact that you are only 19. You have your whole life ahead of you my friend. Loneliness is temporary. You'll grow up to be a strong minded guy if you take this on. Just keep believing in yourself and focus on self improvement. Good thing are yet to come.
     
    Buddhabro likes this.
  13. Fightthedevil

    Fightthedevil Fapstronaut

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    It's part of life. You will feel loved,You will feel happy,then things will start to break down,you will get hurt,feel sad and lonely and the cycle repeats. You could not have done anything here,If you were willing to fight the problems which were affecting your relationship,it means you tried. The other person didn't. It is as simple as that. It means they didn't value you as much as you valued them. You can't control the behavior of others and that is the most annoying thing. If someone loves you they will keep on doing that no matter what,if someone doesn't,they will find a simple thing and turn it on you and make it seem like your fault or something. All i can say is,I've been in the same exact situation (except mine wasn't a long distance so it's probably more tougher on you). Embrace the feelings,know that you were there,trying your best,that you didn't do any immoral deed,that you loved and you lost. And let go. It is gonna be painful but you have to. Keep yourself busy. Work on making a name for yourself and everyone who's ever hurt you or lost you will start regretting it and then you'll be the one smiling.
     
    Buddhabro likes this.
  14. A nu start

    A nu start Fapstronaut

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    Dont stress it bro. I got cheated on by my first love at 19 and felt so depressed. Life moves on and eventually you're doing so many other things that she will barely cross your mind. Keep busy, time will heal you I promise.
     
    jacobb1 and Buddhabro like this.
  15. jacobb1

    jacobb1 Fapstronaut

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    Porn addiction does exist and it's a great thing you acknowledge it. You could go to therapy, there's no shame, it could really help you get through these sad times. Also the therapist could help you figure out What You Want in a Relationship giving the fact that you're still a teenager and you're in the process of discovering yourself. I was there too, I am sure we've all been and it's a great thing to search for comfort in everything we can, maybe even a youtube video or an article could give us the solution to our problem. Don't worry, time will pass and you'll get better, I've been there. My first relationship ended with my girl cheating on me with my best friend. I never ever talked to them again. But after I while I at least tried to forgive them, for myself. It will get better :)
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2020
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  16. higherself3

    higherself3 New Fapstronaut

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    yeah, but people are ashamed to admit this...it's a stigma around it
     
    jacobb1 likes this.
  17. To start off you are not alone. You have to deal with it. It will take time for the wounds to heal but it is best to just accept that it is over to save yourself some suffering. The next step is to allow yourself to grief. It can take a few weeks or a few months.

    Dont contact her ever again. With ever I mean it is probably a good idea to choose to never contact her. Delete her from social media etc. She basically back stabbed you so in this particular case try a couple months of no contact.

    If you still want to see her after several months I must say it is probably a bad idea at this point. You should have moved on by then.

    I am in a similar situation with a girl I was together with for about a year. She has schizophrenia. It was going very well for months. But then one day she didn't answer me for a week. I thought she ghosted me. After that she explained several times that it was nothing like that. She even confessed that she liked me.

    But now I am doing no contact. We will still be friends when this is over but she is too ill and too unpredictable for me to continue. She have been showing her best side around me but it just isn't working. She has no room for me in her life and probably not any man right now.
     

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