Question for married men doing nofap

I remember having a strong chaser effect in the past when I had sex with somebody new. I don't get it these days with my GF...
And I definitely wouldn't be afraid of just swapping addictions once you start having sex. I really believe that a healthy sex life with your beloved one is not only natural but even transcendental. If something drags you to PMO, it's the addiction remains, not your partner.

 

Since you phrased the question "for married men", I will answer you as if you are a married man. I would say that chasers often vary widely. But yes, at times there is a chaser effect. For the stronger chasers, I would beat myself up: "Man, you just made love to your wife last night, and now you are looking for P?" But this isn't always the case.

Also, I don't think sex is an addiction if you are doing it with your wife and you are both using it as a means to show respect and love instead of for your own selfish reasons. Also, I would recommend if you choose to have sex, to try vigilantly to not think of P while you are doing it. In my mind the point of resets are to separate the counterfeit electronic stuff (P), the lonely self-serving stuff (MO) from healthy sex with your wife. Ideally, that kind of sex should not point you toward PMO, but away from it. If it is connected in your mind, I would recommend trying to disconnect it during your hardmode reset.

I hope this doesn't come off sounding preachy. I intend no offense. In any case, I wish you the best of luck.

 

I agree. Make sure you are focusing on your wife and your wife only, not your imagination. Also, consider your motivation for having sex with your wife. Is it to feel close to her and strengthen your relationship or is it for selfish reasons only? Focus on satisfying her needs, not just physically, but emotionally and in other ways like helping with household responsibilities etc. The more I focus on my wife's needs in all aspects of our relationship, the more satisfaction I find in our relationship and the more pure my motivations for having the physical intimacy with her.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

 

I have definitely noticed this. I had sex with my wife the other night and the next day all I could think about was sex. sex. sex. sex. We're in the middle of getting ready to move so the next day I knew it wasn't happening again, and my wife isn't really interested in sex more than once every couple of days, so I felt that really strong urge to look at porn.

When that happens suddenly everything is porn. My wife likes to watch the ID channel on TV which sometimes shows really short quick shots of women in lingere and even little things like that set me over the edge. I find it particularly difficult when that happens because I work as a programmer, so I'm in front of the computer, often using a web browser, like, all the time.

 

I'm at Day 50 of nofap. Had sex with my wife on Saturday (morning) and the O was "mind blowing"; the greatest physical O I have had in years. This was after 14 days of no sex. On Sunday, I had an entire day of "flatline". It was lifeless and I had zero libido. Yesterday and this morning is a completely different story. I am fighting urges that I have never felt before. It is insane and I'm really struggling. Yesterday morning I simply adjusted myself (heightened stated of arousal) and almost O'd. I have NEVER experienced that before. I almost blew it... accidentally. It was the same this morning. I swear I could O in less 10 seconds if I M'd. This is crazy. And painful. P has not been a factor at all - I'm just dying to O. Desperately.

 

My husband had this too but I told him that whenever he needed me I was available for sex. Some days he would want to have sex 2-3 times. This didn't seem to last long though, maybe 2 weeks at the most. At that point his libido was still fueled by fantasy and us having sex seemed to be the biggest trigger for fantasy. By having lots of sex in the beginning he stayed away from fantasy and MO and connected with me instead. Your libido is messed up right now because the addiction is creating it. Just be vigilant and if you can, ask for more sex. Don't automatically assume your wife doesn't want it. At that time in our relationship we had a 3 month old baby!!

 

From experience you need to stop the edging, that is what is driving you to want to O so badly. Save it for PIV with your wife. The problem with edging is it increases your desire and increases your stress levels. Pure abstinence is a whole different feeling. You'll get waves of desire and then they will wane. Try connecting more with your wife in a non sexual way. Really get into her the person, get to know her body (massage works well here). Focus on pleasing her. And the sex will be even more mind blowing but only if you stop thinking about sex and thinking about making love, and NO FANTASIES, be in the moment with her, feel the feelings.

Good luck and stay strong.

 

As a wife, I second what Limeaid said about not assuming that your wife won't be interested in sex multiple times a day. If you're able to, talk to her about what you're going through and you just might be surprised.

 

For me the chaser effect is chasing my wife around the house so we make love again LOL!