How to know when a relationship has run its course?

Deleted Account · Jan 22, 2019

Hey friends!

So I've been dating this girl for a little over a year now. She's a super awesome person and great to be around, but I feel like our relationship might be getting close to its end. We both met while in college, but I graduated last year and shes still in college. Currently it feels like we're both in really different phases of our lives right now, so it can be kinda tough for our schedules to align. She also works a lot over the weekend so that doesnt really give us a lot of time to go on dates or anything. She doesnt graduate for about another year and a half so I don't really see this situation changing anytime soon unfortunately.

I also feel like I'm not really in the best place to be in a relationship right now. I feel like I'm in this weird transitional period of my life where I'm in the last stages of childhood trying to enter actual adulthood. I'm trying to save up to get my own car and my own place and whatnot. I just feel like its awkward trying to have an adult relationship while still living with your parents, not really a lot of privacy lol.

Part of me wonders if we're just going through a rough patch and I should just wait it out, but it seems like the urge to end things keeps getting stronger and stronger and I'm still not sure if it's the right move to make or not. She really is an amazing person and I just dont want to hurt her, but I realize I might just be denying the inevitable.

What do you guys think? How do you guys know when to end a relationship?

NF4L · Jan 22, 2019

I think it fundamentally comes down to if you can still relate to that person. It doesn’t always require spending time with them in person, or having sex with them. While those two things can help, but I have found that it is time to end things when the relationship just comes down to sex, because you can’t relate anymore, you can’t be intimate on a different level. A true relationship to me starts with being friends first, so that doesn’t mean I have to be with my friend all the time. She can do her own thing, I can do mine, we don’t have to do them together. Otherwise that starts to turn into codependency. We should be our own people, ideally we can include our partner in our activities, but it should be a requirement that they must attend if that makes sense.
Above all talk to your partner, that is how you can relate to one another. Maybe you want more time together that you don’t think you are getting. Maybe she is at a point where she has to concentrate on finishing her schooling and doesn’t have the time for you, even though she wants to. Otherwise you both are just guessing and making assumptions, and probably coming to the wrong conclusions.

Deleted Account · Jan 22, 2019

NF4L said: ↑

I think it fundamentally comes down to if you can still relate to that person. It doesn’t always require spending time with them in person, or having sex with them. While those two things can help, but I have found that it is time to end things when the relationship just comes down to sex, because you can’t relate anymore, you can’t be intimate on a different level. A true relationship to me starts with being friends first, so that doesn’t mean I have to be with my friend all the time. She can do her own thing, I can do mine, we don’t have to do them together. Otherwise that starts to turn into codependency. We should be our own people, ideally we can include our partner in our activities, but it should be a requirement that they must attend if that makes sense.
Above all talk to your partner, that is how you can relate to one another. Maybe you want more time together that you don’t think you are getting. Maybe she is at a point where she has to concentrate on finishing her schooling and doesn’t have the time for you, even though she wants to. Otherwise you both are just guessing and making assumptions, and probably coming to the wrong conclusions.
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Thank you for your input! It probably couldn't hurt to to have a conversation with her about how I'm feeling and see where it goes from there.

de severn · Jan 22, 2019

Sounds like you don’t think the relationship is worth compromising yourself for. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you speak up. Don’t worry about hurting her. At least she’ll respect your honesty. It’ll hurt her more if she intuits that you’re half-assing the relationship for a long time. It sends mixed signals and it’s cowardly. (No offense).

Prolonging a relationship that you’re half-committed to will make you resentful. You might end up cheating or being a jerk on purpose so she leaves you. Don’t do that!

Giving someone false hope is worse than telling them the hard truth.

Deleted Account · Jan 22, 2019

de severn said: ↑

Sounds like you don’t think the relationship is worth compromising yourself for. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you speak up. Don’t worry about hurting her. At least she’ll respect your honesty. It’ll hurt her more if she intuits that you’re half-assing the relationship for a long time. It sends mixed signals and it’s cowardly. (No offense).

Prolonging a relationship that you’re half-committed to will make you resentful. You might end up cheating or being a jerk on purpose so she leaves you. Don’t do that!

Giving someone false hope is worse than telling them the hard truth.
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I agree, I dont wanna string her along and half ass the relationship. It's better to be honest and upfront about all of this. I wont see her until the weekend so that'll give me some time to think things over.

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How to know when a relationship has run its course?

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