Straight guy / gay porn

I can relate.
I didnt have those first encounters as a joke tho. I was abused when kid. After that I started to feel aroused by men. I love women, but some guys can sparkle something down there.
I’ve had chances to do stuff with guys who out of nowhere have offered everything. But in that moment is like… no thanks.
Still, I was addicted to gay porn. But never saw straight porn since I felt so bad about how women got treated. On the other hand I felt so aroused by dominant men in sexual encounters on gayP.
It does not mean you are gay. But you have definitely damaged (not permanently but severely) the way you see men, and yourself.
Do you have problems with self esteem, your looks, sexual performance or something of any sort?

 

My first experience was with a friend at a young age. We started watching p together and led to other things. We both liked girls but enjoyed the thrill of doing things together. I was always in to straight porn but then as escalation occurred it wasn’t enough. I went to gay porn, trans, jo with other men bringing back my young experiences but I have no desire to be in a relationship with a man. Hope this puts things into perspective

 

Dude! It’s exactly that! That’s just how I feel too. I think watching gayP it’s some sort of “worship” to the ideal male body, and somehow that turns us on. I’ve always been super insecure about my body, specially cause I was bullied about it and worst… complimented about it, but by women, saying stuff like “I wish I had a waist like yours”; so I develope serious doubts about my body.
And of course, the endless (and out of logic) feeling that my genitals are not big enough.

I also can relate so much with being able to make female friends so easily, but constantly struggling with making guy friends.

Dude! I’ve never read someone explain this so accurately close to what I expereince!

 

Very similar experiences. Introduced to sex at age nine by an older teen girl, then hyper sexual from then on with guy friends and any girl I could score with.
After I got married I didn't want anything to do with it, though still really enjoy the A stimulation and still totally addicted to M. As my addiction escalated and then internet porn became a thing, I found gay/twink porn very arousing. That led to looking at Craigslist, gay chat and apps and then looking to hook up. Never followed through with it physically but certainly acted out online. I'm not gay and don't have any emotional attraction to guys, it just was the unchecked escalation of my addiction. I even rationalized that since it wasn't with another women it wasn't really cheating on my marriage.
Total denial, total brain fog, total addiction thought process. Having all that secret behavior really messed with everything and every relationship in my life but I refused to see it.
After a discovery of emails and accounts and apps profiles, all that came to light.
Denial was no longer an option.
Really, really painful stuff to work through. Fortunately we are working through it and our relationship is healing. And I am no longer searching for a constant state of arousal. 60 days of hard mode brought a lot of clarity.

Bottom line, as guys we can get aroused by just about anything if we let ourselves go there. And if we do, it WILL escalate.
Take a hard break from all of it and you'll find over time you will normalize. Posting here can help, getting real and honest with a recovery group has been most helpful for me. You're not alone and a lot of guys are struggling (or just completely giving in) with the same stuff.

 

Hi Jetskisetter,
I have been going through a week long relapse/binge and a bunch of it revolves around gay porn. I was talking about this with someone else recently:

I am straight, but enjoy watching gay porn and love self sucking, shaving and anal play - masturbate constantly and fascinated by the sight of cum.

Sadly this led to the practice of edging, I always wanted to have an impressive visual (I used to post videos of daily wank sessions for a period of time).

Never been attracted to males in real life but damn they make some good porn.

I always considered myself lucky to be turned on by both gay and straight porn. My most recent habit is watching softcore porn in my browser (20 year old girl next door striptease) and having the audio from some guy inserting a lotion bottle on in the background. The juxtaposition of the two is intoxicating.
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There is a group here that might be good fit
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?groups/confused-sexualities.26/
They are a closed group so I don't know what they discuss but the description says For those who attracted to porn genres that do not coincide with their sexual orientation

Feel free to start a conversation with me, if it isn't a good fit.

DK

 

I too can definetly relate to this post.

When I was 10 I was exposed to gay images on the internet... I think it was me trying to find out if I was normal and wanted to compare myself to other guys. I think this exposure skewed my view of what I find attractive, much like how sexual encounters at such a young age would change your sexuality. Much like you I am addicted to gay porn, and yet am emotionally attracted to women. Once a gay guy was hitting on me and wanted to have sex (even though I was 16...) and the whole time I just wanted him to go away...

My point is that a sexual encounter as a kid or teen would change your sexual feelings. If you have no romantic interest in guys then you are not gay. Period. My question to you is have you done a 90 day reset or anything like that? I feel as though once you reset that you will not have these feelings or that they will not be as strong.

 

Hi,
this is a case of desensitization. The normal case most men have is they fantasize about being the guy that is with all the girls in the porn they are watching or they usually find a dominant man in the gay porn world to admire. I think you are mistaking your lust for these men as a desire to be them or see yourself in the same light as you do these men. With sex addictions we tend to lose ourselves and our identities and we lose them to either porn images or images weve created in our imagination. Just look at this as another hoop you have to jump through in order to overcome your addiction. Your brain is overstimulated and thus playing mind tricks on you to keep your addiction alive and active. Over time, when you HONESTLY refrain and participate in nofap, you will see this slowly, and i mean slowly, subside. Most people think they are going to be superman in 90 days and im here to tell you, as someone who is on day 129, that is not the case. your body is going to need lots and lots (im talking several months, maybe a year or two even in more extreme cases) to fully recover. once your brain recovers and you are back to normal, youll be shocked you were even in the place you are now.

 

@jetscooled You mentioned something that is super important to keep in mind. We can’t expect to heal in 90 days a brain that we’ve hurt, conditioned and (miss)educated for YEARS.
We need to understand it requires equivalent ammounts of time and effort. Going down the hill is way easier than climbing it.
That’s why this whole process is for men and not kids.

 

Hey dude.

I’m currently going through a tough time myself with something similar, but the difference is I don’t really get aroused by gay porn, but more a specific fantasy to do with having sex with much older chubby masculine men. There is obviously some daddy issues here, however having done some research, I also strongly believe it has to do with my severe porn addiction, which has completely desensitised me to regular sex with girls, and has made me desire more taboo and kinkier sexual pleasures.

So if you watch gay porn and enjoy it, it could be due to having watched a LOT of straight porn in the past which has made you bored (and thus you are seeing something more kinky and taboo in your mind), or you could simply be bisexual .

Best thing for you is to know that there are so many guys out there experiencing similar things, and that not watching porn and masterbating for a long time (as hard as it is) will really give you a lot more clarity in my oponion.

Don’t worry brother, we all support you here

 

Hopefully you don't view me as an asshole, but the part about your first sexual experiences kind of reminded me of this post:

Spoiler: Triggering content !

I'm not implying you're gay at all. Put it here in hopes to share a laugh(laughing at these dark times helps). You're not gay, otherwise you wouldn't have any attraction to women.

If you were into gay porn since day 1 and it was almost exclusively gay porn, and only really had sexual experiences with men, you might be somewhat bisexual. I'm not going to rush to assumptions since I don't know your full background and key details might be missing. To me it honestly sounds like you do have some interest in, albeit solely physical and even then to a certain extent, in men.
The human brain is fucking weird, dude. Laying off of porn could give you an answer or at least clear up things for you a little bit more regarding your sexuality, since it definitely fucks with your sexuality not only via desensitization to what is considered the "default genre"(straight porn)for most users here, but it also limits your point of view and keeps your brain from acting normally due to the constant urges your addiction practically injects in your mind. It keeps you from thinking about anything else. It plain and simple hijacks your brain once you get addicted. Perhaps you'll find gay porn competely weird or repulsive once you lay off of it, and whatever you experienced it the past may just end up being nothing more than some irrelevant experiences that you were excited about because you weren't completely sure about your sexuality and were eager to see what it might feel like.
When you're a kid and you watch too much porn, you might end up doing things with another available, very young friend not realizing what you're doing and with only one objective in mind - making yourselves feel good like they do in porn.
Fortunately for me, me and most of my friends were clueless and played video games and football all day long and only discovered this shit later when we knew what sex and sexuality are.

And may I ask how old are you?

 

Damn, are you me? I can relate with everything you said. I also would love to have someone to talk about this since it's impossible in real life to find someone.
I remember when I was young I only watched straight porn, and looked with disgust at anything considered "gay". Of course that over time my brain started to starve for more and more novelty and that as everyone knows ended up with trans and later gay porn. As it was not enough it was followed by anonymous sex with men along with other things.
Long streaks of NoFap help me to clear my thoughts of this kind of stuff but I've been struggling lately.. There is this Confused Sexualities group but it is closed. How do I join? (edit: Found the button )

Shit, right on the feels.