New user and introduction to myself

Hello my name is Caleb I am 24 years old about to turn 25 and I am ready to start making a change.

Today January 25th 2019 I have met with a Chaplin who will be helping me out on this journey. This Chaplin is someone that my work offers for free and off the record so nothing I say will be recorded and shared with my work and/or family.

A little about me and my problems

About me (good things)

Spoiler: good things about me

- Since I am allowed to live with my parents for a low payment a month it has allowed me to save money and learn how to invest some of it. has also allowed me to establish a good credit score for myself.
- I have been doing Taekwondo for over 17 years and have a 3rd degree black belt.
- I started jiu jitsu back in 2017 and have almost been doing that for 2 years and still a white belt
- I have a warehouse job that pays really good an hour with incentive pay. So i can get paid for working harder and smarter with the job.
- I do my best to keep myself in shape and eat healthy but I have my sugar binge here and there.
- I have never in my life have had any alcohol or have smoked any tobacco or have done any drugs. (I don't want to have another addiction in my life)

About my problems I have

Spoiler: My issues

- I am going to be turning 25 soon and I am still living with my mom and dad (which makes me feel a little pathetic at times)
- I have no siblings (only child)
- I have never been in a relationship or have ever been on a date in my life
- I have never been to a dance in my life including prom
- I get random erections by just looking or talking to beautiful women.
- I tend to look away when a good looking girl looks at me and I try to ignore them.
- I work night shifts so I spend most of my nights off on a computer screen.
- I Believe I am anti social. I have a fear of going out with people just to hang out. I fear i have nothing special to say or nothing interesting to talk about.
- My main hobbies besides the martial arts is video games, anime, and the pornography. (mostly anything on a computer)
- I don't really have a lot of life skills.
- I tend to be pretty lazy a lot of the time.

My Story

Spoiler: Long short story about me

I grew up as an only child. I didn't have a lot of friends but I had some I would invite over to my house or go to there house. In middle school that changed. While I was still the little kid playing with toys my friends started to grow up a little bit and started getting into girls. I was bullied a lot for my Taekwondo. I would sit normally by myself in the lunch room or I would just go to my next class and wait for that class to start. This is when I started to heavily play video games and not go outside as much.

When I reached high school things changed for me a little bit. I met new people from the different middle schools in the area and I started to make some friends. That didn't last long since in 2009 (9th grade) of Christmas I got my very own laptop. That day I went to a porn website and got a virus on the laptop. I somehow managed to fix it without my mom or dad finding out about it. It all started with my video games. I wanted my own laptop to play a game called runescape on. Well that wanting to play video games led to something else.

I got so hooked with online gaming and porn I wouldn't even hang out with my "new friends" that i made. I had 2 girls that were interested in me and asked me to hang out with them and I declined them. I told them I was to busy with school work. I really wanted to just go home and play some call of duty and watch porn.

In 12th grade I was going to ask a girl that i knew from kindergarten out since we would talk a lot on the bus. Well she broke up with her boyfriend and was sad about it so i was going to wait a few days. The day I went to go ask her out she was telling me about another guy that she has been dating. I was just crushed and I gave up. 2012 the year I graduated I didn't go to college. Instead I taught kids Taekwondo 3 days a week for 2 hours a day. The rest of that time I was on the computer doing my normal thing for hours at a time.

In 2014 my mom finally forced me to get another job at a retail store and I worked part time 3 days a week 8 hours a day. I would eye the pretty girls in the store but as soon as they looked my way I couldn't even make eye contact. I had an incident where a pretty girl that i worked with started to talk to me and out of no where I instantly got an erection. I excused myself and I never talked to her again. I never really talked with co workers or even customers that much. I just went to work stocked the shelves and came home to do my thing. I hated it.

In 2017 I got surgery for a very big problem I had in life called Gynecomastia. I developed this in high school which made me very self conscious about myself and I actually purposely gained weight just so people wouldn't see my man breast sticking out of my shirt. I would of rather let them see this kid with a belly. Once I had the surgery to remove the breast tissue I went from 185 pounds to 155 pounds very quickly. I stopped my Taekwondo teaching and went fulltime with my retail job. I found a new martial arts gym which was an MMA/BJJ styled gym and started to train there. One of my instructors that I respect very much started a taekwondo program down there and I decided to help him start out. I trained there 2 years now and I feel great physically but mentally I wasn't.

in may of 2018 I decided I needed another job. I wanted to make more money and potentially get out on my own and start living my new life. in June I got a phone call back and July 6th I started my new warehouse job which I do like a lot.

Now we are to the present me. I work 4 days 10 hours a night. I still do the same exact thing I have been doing for the past 10 years.

I need to cut the porn and the masturbation out of my life and start living the life I know I can have.

My Goals

Spoiler: My goals

- To cut out pornography 100% out of my life
- To start dating and to meet someone I truly love
- To look at women not as a sex object but as a human being
- To stop making excuses
- To be independent
- To not sit in my room 8 hours a day.
- Finding some new hobbies that will keep me out of the house more

This is mostly everything about me.

I hope this website can help me.
any advice I would greatly appreciate.

Also if you want to know anything else about me just ask I am more than willing to just have conversation on here.

 

Thank you man. I actually tonight have been fighting my urge.

My Chaplin told me to watch a movie called fireproof and it is really making me wanna stop even more.

 

it is about a fire fighter who is having issues with viewing porn and ignoring his wife and ends up going through the divorce process. His father gives him a book and he must do something on each page for 40 days to fix his problems.