Just arrived. Determined to take ownership.

So this morning was hopefully the last time I’m ever going to do it. Fapping I mean. I feel motivated now though I have a feeling the motivation will wane and things will get tough. That’s why I’m here.

I’m 18 yrs old and in my final year of secondary school. Porn’s been a thing in my life for a few years now. I can’t remember when the first time I watched porn was but I know I had been fapping since we’ll before then.

It’s only become a problem since a couple of years ago. The problems aren’t medical issues with my penis. Thankfully it’s never gotten to that point but psychologically porn just has too much sway over me. I’m craving it and I go through to PMO cycle and then I feel like shit. It hardly ever feels good afterwards. I don’t like that so I’m putting a stop to it. No more porn and no more fapping. I’ve tried multiple times to stop but either I just lost interest in trying or I just felt a crave for it again. This morning was the last time ever. I didn’t insert the caveat of “hopefully” to the end of that last sentence because I don’t want to have even the slightest doubt in my mind that I’m going to fail in this.

I’m enlisting as a Fapstronaut in conjunction with a number of other steps to improve my life. I’m taking up running again and getting myself back into shape. I’m going to do the study I need to in order to get into college. In short, I’m taking some ownership and responsibility so I can actually make something of myself. I’m also going to make an effort to reconnect with my Catholic faith. Masturbation isn’t allowed in Roman Catholicism so I hope this will also enforce some responsibility on me not to mess this up.

I honestly fear the damage that porn and masturbation will do to me both psychologically and physically if I don’t get handle on this craving now. I’ve heard how it affects sex later in life and it’s my ambition to live my monogamously, married to a woman.

I’ve been listening and reading to Jordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro for a while and I’ve been inspired by their message that each of us was put on earth for a reason and we have a duty to live out that reason. Particularly when I hear Shapiro talk about his deep religious faith and his inner map of morality that keeps him grounded and gives him purpose, I feel that’s something I really need to live this one life as best as I can.

I’ve failed at giving it up before because I simply tried to give up fapping without doing other things that fill the void, improve my health and give me some meaning.

So yeah, that’s my mission, and if I feel the craves again as I assume I will, I’ll just log onto NoFap and ask for some help to get through it.

Quite a lengthy first post. I know I was rabbiting on for quite a bit there but even if nobody reads all this, I just felt like I had to get all down. To define what my mission is.

Ok, good luck to me.
TheCatholicCommando, Fapstronaut

 

Thanks a lot, appreciate the encouragement.