I just had a panic attack about my sexuality.

So every since i let HOCD get out of hand a few months ago my life has been a mess. I have my good days and bad days ever since, Today is one of those bad days. So all my life i have been straight liked girls blah blah never had any thoughts about men or anything sexual about them i would never thought in a million years i could be gay. So i go to sleep and been off of porn for like 4-5 days can't remember need to change the streak thing today. but every time my mind go to something gay i would usually feel weird about it and disturb and brush it off saying oh my mind is trying to play tricks on me etc. i went to take a quick nap and i had a wet dream of me having sex with a beautiful girl and etc i was really hard etc and then out of nowhere it goes to two dudes fucking and holy shit i got scared and was afraid but it only lasted for 2secs before it moved on to me and the girl. i don't want to be gay and i want to go back to me who could not think about this stuff and have my attraction back for the ladies i missed and adored. I have a gf now and when i don't think about those thoughts i feel happy and great and i am glad to be with her. Now when the thoughts hit me and i am with her i get sad and annoyed and wonder why these thoughts keep coming bck. does this Dream mean i am bi? I don't want to be bi i just want to be straight. Idk if i am on a lot of stress because of my hocd but i just don't know what to do anymore pls help.i have been jacking off to porn 2-3 years straight and i want to quit because of what it is doing to me and how it is making me feel. I just want to be me again. Sorry i keep coming with the same questions but day by day it get's worst.

 

Thank you Man. I hate honestly keep going over this topic on here but i had enough of this. i am currently 15 and throughout my 15 years i never thought gay or acted gay or even got hard at males in the gym locker room at my gym so honestly i am going to take that advice and just say it is my brain trying to get me to jack off to test that i am not gay. Also do you know when it gets easier with the nofap? Idk if today was a flat line that my brain wanted to see porn and wanted to scare me into watching it?

 

Thank's guys for all the support/Answers but there is a few things i should add. One i have had this question pop up before but i didn't entertain in and it went away just like that and i was back to my normal/teenager self back in the summer and i was still watching porn. Now i felt that i let it get out of hand to the point where i am having panic attacks/ mini anxiety attacks when something related to being gay pops up. I know i have to let the thoughts flow and all, but still i just don't like the thought in general and when i do at times accept the thought not the action it feels like i am giving in and turning gay which then starts the process all over. Also when i am not thinking and going off of instinct i can get hard to girls pretty easily, I remember yesterday when i was outside i saw a girl in a yoga pants walking and i got hard maybe not full erect since i didn't shower but still erect lol. Then that same night me and gf were just talking and she started talking dirty and stuff and i was extremely hard. Also keep in mind that in public when i see a dude i don't really notice a thing unless the thoughts start to appear and stuff. As well as when i am hard and even try to think about a guy in that way romantic or sexual i get turned off pretty fast and it just feels weird. I don't think it is denial i just think i have way too much free time on my hands and that makes my mind wonder. But i just hope in the future this will stop because i want to have my normal life i was always living before this started. I am still confident that i am straight but this usually happens to people who are confident in their sexuality. But i just want to thank you guys in general for clearing up my mind and stuff.

 

Yea from memories i remember i have always liked girls and could never see myself dating a guy and stuff. I was a huge homophobic person growing up and always had dreams about girls and wanted to have sex etc. I remember i really like Selena and wanted her to be my gf, celebrity crush. i remember making fun of a kid for looking up Chris Browns balls and felt disgusted by it. Currently i am a junior in high school and this problem started around Christmas and my life has been nothing but hell since i let it get out of control. After Winter break i will try and focus on myself and my current gf and see if i can get pass this. i want to be happy with her because i was madly in love with her during sophomore year and i would know if i was gay if i felt it was wrong or i felt attraction to guys which i don't. I have also had sexual experiments with girls and i loved it i was extremely hard and everything but to get back to that i am gonna have to quit porn for 90 days which shouldn't be hard since i have a gf. Also quick question does it count as a relapse if me and my gf do stuff?