THE 100 WINS CHALLENGE!!!!!

Win #10 Up early alone a brief thought of I should do this passed thru me. I recognized it and watched it drift away

 

Win #11 Alone after a stress filled emotional day, my brain wants to feel good, it doesn't care how tiny it just wants something. This is that moment of decision and uncomfortableness when I decide not to go that way. This is the hard part. This is about focus. This is looking at the big picture, what do I want a year from now vs right now. In a year, I want to look back and know I made the right decision. In a year, I don't want to have to make this choice again.
If I decide to look I'm saying, I want to put this off and potentially next year be in the exact same spot.
If I decide not to look I'm saying, I don't want to put this off and if I keep facing this head on then in a year this decision might not even be in front of me but if it is then it'll be so much more easier to make it because it'll be a habit to find something better to do, something more constructive and positive.

 

#1 laying in bed listening to a radio program the urge to fantasize, masturbate and even the thought of looking at "something" on my phone came up. I could resist but didn't manage to stop thinking in this direction until I decided to get up and start the day.

 

Awesome dude, that is definitely a WIN!!!

Remember this moment if you ever doubt yourself

 

Win #12, Sitting here waking up, mentally getting ready for the day, the urge strike me. It wants to see something to get that rush. I'm gonna focus on the rush of happiness when I think about Winning and my long term goals. Hope your day is great!!!

 

Thank you @I_AM_AWESOME ! Very much appreciated.

So you are in a winning-streak with your 12th win today. With every right decision you're reprogramming your system to be more healthy, honest, decent, happy and less likely to fall back. Ride on!

 

Win#2.
Urges in the evening to look at something "not quite porn" like at anime girl's butts...
I wanted to do something productive, useful but I couldn't decide what to do and how to begin, I just couldn't focus.
Finally I made a small plan which involved going out and see the sundown. I did it and it was worthwhile!!!
I saw a grown-up woman learning to ride the bike, helped by her man. Then the beautiful sunset made me wanna cry.

 

That's the plan man!!!! Its funny how it's working, I feel good after calling myself out. I post it here, then I know I'm not gonna look.

Days I'm too "busy" to come to this site at all, I start to feel the urges harder.

 

Awesome dude, so glad it worked.

I relate to wanting to look at something that isnt porn (because I'd be breaking my rules) but will give me that rush.

That's just as hard to quit because your mind is justifying looking at it because it's not porn. Its definitely not healthy, nor something the would the man I'm becoming would look at.

Keep on rocking it dude!!!

 

Yea, you're right. Without this tool today would probably have been a day of relapsing for me.

You could make a note and post it later.

Again I'm online and in the background of my mind there are still those thoughts...
So right now I call it a day (a difficult one) and put my phone away.
See you soon and stay clean, everyone. I'm glad to have this place!

 

Awesome decisions!!!!! This place has saved me so many times. I find a nice community here.

 

Win #13 i started to go down the wrong road, stopped and turned around and came here. Moving forward, progress!!

 

Win #3
Yesterday in the evening I had a specific but random porn fantasy. It urged me to search for scenes that depict what I had in mind. (But I didn't and went to sleep.
What's strange, it went on in my dreams: I dreamed that I open up a porn site but then close it and come here, thinking 'is this a Win now?'
So in reality I did better than in my dreams. And I remember to have thought at one point (dunno was it awake or while dreaming):
IF I DON'T RESIST THIS URGE I WILL BE BACK TO ZERO.

Today after work I remembered the fantasy and it was urge was like .. a 3. Yesterday it was more like a 8 or 9 (from 10).
Writing this I understand how important this rationalisation is: resisting means letting go something and feel a little pain, relapsing means drinking a poison (this is a good picture to imagine some really bad cosequences - drastic imagination but appropriate for a case like myself).
However, the problem isn't this one relapse in itself but the prospect: when I don't win against it now, if I don't make a big leap forward now, when will I?
This is the right time to say how thankful I am:
- altough I'm still addicted and used to relapse about every two weeks or more I the role this addiction plays in my life has more and more diminished. I'm in control most of the time and maybe even happier than during the last years
- although I'm on this Journey for about three years now and it goes up and down, up and down I still am motivated to quit, I'm learning and I can I F * C K I N G C A N say NO !

I am thankful for that.
I am also thankful for this great thread where I can record, collect and let shine all my little wins - the daily efforts of a recovering p-addict.
Thank you @I_AM_AWESOME !

And thank you forum!

 

Wow man thanks, you've had some excellent thoughts and introspection.

Its great that you, I dont want to say resisted because that implies loss or lack. You decided something else was more important and chose happiness over regret.

As far as resetting after a slip or relapse goes, I'm inclined to say no. I know I put this out as a challenge and it can still be but I dont want someone to reset to 0 if th as t happens.

When we are feeling bad about ourselves we stack up all the bad things we dont like. This is called emotional stacking.

I dont like this about myself and that too and oh yeah I suck at that too.

When we do good we dont tend to do the same thing. We humbly say, I'm ok at this. We should be emotionally stacking all the awesome things we do so we get to a better vision of ourselves .

If we have 10 wins , we have 10 wins. We dont erase the great decisions just because we made one wrong decision.

In fact when we are feeling bad about the one bad one, we should leverage the 10 wins to help us feel better about ourselves

 

Win #14 earlier, I was waiting for someone and had the urge to look quick. Killed that idea realizing I dont need fake fantasies

 

yes, I agree. So we will just be positive here and collect wins. It makes sense, since all these "wins" are the very essence of nofap. What is there to learn but the ability to say no in many different situations? What else do we have to train?

 

Win #14 Posting here instead of doing that. Got stuck in fantasy today. Eventually I see the bigger picture and stop. If I look to see myself a year out, I don't want to look at 2020 and say This is the year. I was to say 2019 was the year nad I'm over it now. Focusing on the positive!!

 

Win #4
I laid in bed searching in the forum for answers because I was troubled with the extreme porn I've seen and my gross binging behaviors. Then I was triggered by all the sexual explicit stories here and a thread about glory holes gave me "a new idea" - fantasies, craving for searching pics/video or at least MO followed.
Countermeasures:
1. Decision
2. Getting up
3. Cold shower

Now urge is gone.

I need some time off. I'll continue the 100-Wins-Challenge with a note book (handwriting).
@I_AM_AWESOME until then I wish you many more wins and I hope some new ppl will join this excellent thread!

 

Cool man, congratulations on the win and recognizing what changes you need to make. I too have been triggered by stories on this site.

As far as the extreme porn goes, I'm sure you already know that our porn fantasies grow more extreme with time because we get used to what we're seeing. That's normal.

As far as what you said about feeling troubled about your "gross binging behaviours", I get that you feel that , it's perfectly normal. But it is a definition that you've gotten from somewhere that you're using to define you. There's a rule in your head that says when I see, hear and feel about my gross binging behaviours, I must feel troubled.

I understand it's normal to feel this way and ALOT of people would feel this way given the option. Im just saying that you can lessen the negative feelings but understanding that it's just a definition you've given yourself and it may or may not be correct. If you can start to see that and you can also understand that when you used porn in this way its because you were doing the very best you could given the circumstances, abilities and strengths you had in that moment. It's no one's fault, you're not weak, you are definately not a bad person, you're not gross or disgusting.

It was, this is where you were given everything and this is what happened. Nothing more, nothing less. You are who you are and there's nothing wrong with you. You have bad habits like the rest of us and you are getting better.

 

WIN #5

Those days when I return to home from some longer event or holidays are always difficult for some reason. This time I relapsed mentally even one day before returning home. Fortunately I had a lot of time to think. When I was back in my home town, still in the mentality of acting out I stopped myself, just sat down on a park bench enjoying the sun and listened to my urge surfing podcast. It was only then that I was able, with the help of those words, to get some clarity and saw that I can let it go, that I can decide freely for myself what to do.
In the end I let all the tension out by MO'ing (after more than 6 days no O). That was good. I used p-fantasy. But no porn or subs!