A Tragic Dating Experience

This happened when I wasn't doing NoFap, so I have put it in the off-topic section.

Last autumn I matched with a woman on POF. My opening line was about Twin Peaks because I saw on her profile that she was into that. So then a series of long messages back-and-forth happened, mainly about Twin Peaks.

After a couple of weeks we met up. She was amazing - beautiful, sexy, and really interesting to talk to. We really seemed to hit it off, and I got the sense she was really interested in me.

We had a coffee in a cafe, then went for a walk outside for a couple of hours, then went round a museum exhibition, then went for another walk, then to a pub in the evening. In total we spent about 8 hours together, which is by far the longest first date I've ever had, and it was awesome!

There was just one problem, and it was a really BIG problem.

Towards the end of the date she said, "Unfortunately, I can't promise you anything long term."
"Oh, why's that?"
"Because I don't know how long I'm going to be alive for."
"Are you terminally ill?"
"Yes."
"With what?"
"Cancer."

As I drove home that night, my head was spinning. It was about 60 miles back to where I lived, and it should have taken me about an hour and a half, but it ended up taking about twice that long because I repeatedly got lost.

I hardly slept that night.

But we kept messaging each other as before, and eventually we arranged to meet up a 2nd time. This time we played indoor crazy golf. It was fun, but there was a black cloud hanging over things because at the beginning of that 2nd date she told me about the treatment she'd been having and revealed more details about her illness. Things were actually even worse for her than I first thought.

After that 2nd meeting we messaged a few more times and also spoke on the phone. Then it just stopped after that. I had tried to phone her but not got through, then she had texted me to say she would phone me another time, but she never did.

I don't know what's happened to her now, whether she's alive or dead or somewhere in between.

Going by what she told me on our second date and our phonecall, things were looking rather bad, so it's quite possible she's either gone or is going soon. So it's for the best that we lost touch really.

I'm trying to see if I can write this in a way that doesn't make me sound selfish, but sometimes we do actually need to take care of ourselves. I don't think there's anything I could have done for her, and if I had become really fond of her and then she died a few months later, that would have ruined me for a long time.

And what use is a ruined person to everyone else anyway? It's like the #1 rule of lifesaving: don't endanger yourself, because then you might end up with two dead people rather than just one.

But that's not where I was at just after the 2nd date. I was really into her and actually prepared to be a really supportive friend to her right to the end. But she didn't return my call. For a while I did toy with the idea of trying to get back in touch, but I never did. It seemed best to let it just slip away.

Besides, we didn't want the same things anyway. I wanted a full relationship, but she was up-front that she couldn't offer me that. She'd had breast reconstruction surgery and wasn't interested in a physical relationship anyway.

But what this whole experience did for me was make me realise just how good a first date can be. If I can find someone who isn't dying, who I can have a first date even HALF as good as that one, I will know for sure I'm onto something good.

And let's be honest. We don't just want to meet someone we get on well with. We also want to meet someone who seems like they are going to stay alive, right?

....

You may also be interested in read The Woman Who Wouldn't Stop Shouting About Everything She Hated

 

Haha, thanks!

 

Shit, I'm so sorry! That must have been truly horrific!

 

Thank you.