NEED HELP

Hey there, kudos for grabbing the e-brake and hanging in there.

That's actually what is happening. Our addiction lives in a part of our brain that can literally override our cognitive reasoning. When we give it free reign it'll win every time. It's in our moments of sanity that we have to make the decision not to go there. You're doing great! It took me 40 years to figure out how to go more than about 7 days and I only did that once or twice. I guess it was after I passed 30 or so days that I started to realize that I actually wouldn't die if I didn't have an orgasm. Yes there were days along the way it felt like I would, but I started to value my sobriety more than the brief high that acting out would give.
Cold showers work. Like seriously chill the boys into full retreat. After a few minutes of that you'll actually feel your mind clear and be able to get on with your day.
You are taking a huge step and giving yourself a gift that will change your life for good in so many ways. You can decide that you're done with this stuff for good. Make a plan in advance of what steps your going to take if you're getting tempted and follow the plan. Keep it at and yes it will get easier but stay aware that this addiction doesn't die easy and will come at you like a freight train even after a long streak. Choose now how you will respond to that. Good job my friend.

 

The habit is really strong when were alone in our room's fella's.. cus our incontinence mind is trained so well on that activity its basically who we are,its a part of our identity... so thats why its so hard to stop.. especially when it has this "gambling feeling " because you tell yourself "i dont have to go on this site anymore but what if i find a girl whos very kinky i might hit a jackpot today or im missing out if i dont go on it..." Its very tempting.. especially when your by yourself and have nothing else to do ! The brain will find ways to trick you and tell you its "ok" you can do it just once "and then we stop" and then cycle repeat itself.. You have to have the willpower not to do it when the urge comes! But its not only about willpower, thats only a matter of time before you slip" just this once"
So what we need to do during recovery is to make ourselves so busy we don't have time to think about that.. go out in the morning and go home by night. That i think will be the most effective way. And when you're home and have free time do whatever you can to be with friends or parents or talk on the phone with someone, it will keep you distracted!

Best of luck on recovery!

 

yeah I'm over 130 days at this point for PM. I'm older and married so it's a bit of a different situation. Did the hard mode thing for a couple months and the urges mellowed out after a month but not completely. You're a young healthy guy full of testosterone so to expect that you will be free of urges to release is not realistic.
It is reasonable to expect that your desires will change and normalize as you abstain from fantasizing and acting out in ways that don't align with who you want to be. @RecoveryOn made a good point that you need to keep healthy thoughts and behaviors at the forfront and not allow for a bunch of idle time or daydreaming. We rarely win the battle laying in bed or clicking around on the internet or perusing ads for escorts. The term "cool your jets" isn't a metaphor. Seriously, put the boys on ice if you need too. Go after this like your life depends on it. It kinda does.