Holding myself back for DECADES - Mid 30's Nofap Experiences

A little background on myself. Mid 30's, married, a few kids with different women. I've been masturbating since I was a kid, I'm thinking 10ish. Porn since dialup was a thing (NetZero, America online. Really dating myself here lol) when I got home from school before my mom got home. Lots of success with women over the years. Married once, divorced (Looking back, PMO was an issue in this). Recently married again for the second time. New baby just arrived.

Now I've know of Nofap for a few years at this point. But like anybody with a problem, its easier said than done. I've been on numerous streaks, of varying disciplines. Semen retention, going without porn usually. Edging has always been the biggest issue for me, along with the occasional binges of all three PMO.

I have a brand new baby at home, my first girl. Its caused me to really sit and think about my life and what I want for her. I have a lot of work pressure, family pressure and a lot in general riding on me and I need to be performing at my best mentally/physically and emotionally.

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years. 5 years or so back, I went off my depression/anxiety meds and started to make positive changes in my life. Eating better, vitamins and supplements, meditation, quitting weed, cutting out negative friends, etc. etc. Now, not to say these things didn't help, because they definitely did and I would encourage everyone to do the same, but I always felt something was missing. They helped, but not that much. Looking back at things now, I was avoiding the difficult and neglecting to deal head on with my porn and masturbation addictions.

I had been holding myself back for years with these stupid habits and I regret it. I remember and my mom will tell me, when I was in early grades the teacher had me see a specialist because they thought I had some sort of learning disability. The specialists came back and said I had an above average IQ. See, as an adult, I've always felt I had some sort of great potential and I just wasn't living up to it. And we all do have great potential, to varying degrees. Its a bit sickening to think about all the years you've let something stand in your way.

This current stretch is coming up on 22 days. No edging, no porn and no orgasm.

Because this is what everyone really wants to know, here are some of the benefits I've been experiences lately.

- More energy (especially mentally - at the end of a long day I don't feel so drained by the stress of running a business and instead of going and taking alone time, I am happy and spend quality time with my wife and daughter, playing, smiling and laughing with her, this was not a thing before nofap)
- More optimistic (I'm one to get into negative thinking loops and this has been far less often the past few weeks and seems to be improving still)
- Happier (smiling more, and for no real reason sometimes)
- Confidence is up (I feel better equipped somehow to handle people. I worry and overthink less and that's contributes to this, essentially caring less about what others think)
- Voice has definitely deepened (I speak more assertively and more commanding)
- My relationship has improved ( I feel less in need of external validation from day to day women. Also I can kiss my wife and grab her ass in a masculine sort of way and then walk away. Before I would need more out of it, id push for it even when the timing wasn't good or she wasn't in the mood. I'm also happier and she is too. When my depression was at its worst she would be cold and distant)
- More resilient (before a stupid person in traffic or an off experience with someone could ruin my day, or week even. This doesn't happen now. Well, it may, but lasts all of a few minutes and then I forget about it. This is one of my favorite benefits thus far)
- Pain and stiffness in my body has greatly decreased. (Tight hips and low back and improving weekly and hopefully continue to since I've dealt with this for years and yoga and other bodyworks haven't done much)

I'm definitely forgetting some things but nailed the essentials. I can always come back and add more later.

I will touch on the female attraction, well since that's one of the biggest things we all appreciate and are excited by. Its real. Very real. Whether its pheromones, improved body language, higher testosterone, increasingly more positive vibe/aura, I don't think we will ever know exactly what causes it, doesn't even matter really. Be patient, keep disciplined (especially with edging, because I personally suspect the dopamine normalizing plays a huge part) and you will start to catch more eyes from women. You will see obvious signs of interest. Go out on a Saturday night and you will likely be approached, sometimes numerous times, sometimes by women you would consider unattainable. Its crazy! I've had a threesome before by women that came up to me, tried to take my clothes off on the dancefloor. I couldn't make this stuff up. Kissed or grabbed by women who walked right up to me without an introduction.

This stuff really isn't all that important in the grand scheme of things and will do very little for your self validation so just be cautious you don't let it get out of hand or think it will build lasting self esteem, because it wont.

Work on what's difficult and you will find the most success and unlock the person you are supposed to be and other things will start to fall into place.

I keep this quote posted to the wall behind my desk at work.
"A man who conquers himself is greater than one who conquers a thousand men in battle" - Buddha

 

Happy to hear you stayed strong man! How long are you currently? I’ve never had the nocturnal emissions as an issue.